When In Rome

When Beth, an unlucky-in-love New York curator (Kristin Bell), takes a whirlwind trip to Rome for her sister’s wedding, an unexpected crush takes her by surprise. Quickly let down, she defiantly plucks coins from the Fontana de Amore, magically igniting the passions of some comically unsuitable suitors. As a charming reporter (Josh Duhamel) becomes zealously smitten, Beth is skeptical that he’s the real deal.
[♪ Jason Mraz: Kicking With You]
♪ Here we are
Here we be ♪

♪ Pulled together now
Finally ♪

♪ I been hopin’ that we ♪
♪ Could be openin’ up
one another ♪

♪ I been wishin’
and visualizin’ ♪

♪ On your description
about every night and ♪

♪ Callin’ attention
to those I admire ♪

♪ And wow ♪
♪ Now I’m kickin’ with you ♪
♪ I’m kickin’ with you ♪
♪ Well this mission
is plainly unexplainable ♪

♪ Listenin’ to your grace
and say, well ♪

♪ I can’t get enough
of that body language ♪

♪ And then finally ♪
♪ I’m in my favorite
place to be ♪

♪ Right here kickin’ with you ♪
♪ I’m kickin’ with you ♪
♪ I’m kickin’ with you ♪
♪ Kickin’ with you
I’m kickin’ with you ♪

♪ Whoa, I wanna
kick it with you ♪

♪ I wanna kick,
wanna kick, wanna kick ♪♪

[♪ 3Oh!3 featuring Katy Perry:

♪ I think I should know ♪
♪ How to make love
to something innocent ♪

♪ Without leaving
my fingerprints out ♪

♪ Now L-O-V-E’s
just another word ♪

♪ I never learned
to pronounce ♪

Great job, you guys.
Has anyone seen Stacy?
[woman on walkie] Stacy?
Stacy, where are you guys?

[woman 2 on walkie] Oh, hey
boss. Table four. Come meet us.

Hey, did you check out
that cute guy by the Monet?
[woman on walkie]
The one breathing on the Monet?

I called security.
I think it’s best
to steer clear of him,
given my track record.
Ooh, is that for me?
– No, no, that’s my…
– Thanks! I’m starving!
The show is
going great. To Beth!
– [man] Our fearless leader.
– Job well done.
Thank you, guys.
Oh, my God.
Is that Brady Sacks?
Beth’s ex? Where?
Not a funny joke.
And I’ll tell you why.
Because if Brady
had the nerve to show up here,
I mean at my event,
no less, after he…
– Dumped you like
yesterday’s trash?
– [woman] Ripped your heart out
and fed it to the
Central Park pigeons?
Come on, I’m not even
over your breakup yet.
Well, I am, OK?
In a big way. Brady Sacks?
Who cares?!
That’s what I say.
He’s right behind me,
isn’t he?
– Brady…
– Oh, yeah…
– [Brady] Great show.
– Great show, guys.
– [mouthing]
– [woman clears throat]
Uh, what are you doing here?
Look, I know
you’re crazy busy,
but there’s something
I need to say to you.
Something I think’ll make up
for what I put you through.
Uh… OK.
I’ve got three words
for you, Beth Martin.
– I was wrong.
– Did he just say he was wrong?
A year ago, when I broke up
with you, I felt like
you cared more about your work
than you did about me.
Yeah, I remember,
Brady, really clearly,
when you broke up with me
in the Applebee’s.
I’m sorry about that,
but I’m here to tell you that…
– …I get it.
– Can you hear?
Barely. I think
he said he gets it.
Oh, he gets it!
I’m ready to jump in
again, in a big way.
You want to
jump in again?
[Beth] Wow, uh…
Yeah. I mean, maybe.
If it’s slow.
You made me realize
that it doesn’t matter
how hard someone works,
as long as
you love them enough.
Yes. I can’t believe
that you’re saying that.
I’m just
a little overwhelmed.
I met someone who works
just as hard as you do,
only now I can
accept her for that.
– We’re getting engaged!
– Beth’s getting engaged!
– [record scratching]
– Did I just hear that right?
Our host and curator, Beth
Martin, is getting engaged?
[crowd exclaims]
[♪ Patrice Irving and
Richard Wagner: Rockin’ Bride]
[chuckles] Uh…
No, I’m not.
I’m not getting engaged!
Not tonight,
not to him.
– [record scratches]
– [glass breaking]
[crowd falls silent]
[Beth laughing]
Oh, man.
But maybe. Maybe
in the future sometime.
I don’t know.
With someone else.
Got to see how
it pans out. OK?
[clears throat]
[woman laughs]
Well, at least it
wasn’t in the Applebee’s.
Worst day ever.
[pounding on door]
– Joan?
– Sis! Guess what?
I’m getting married!
[Joan laughing]
His name is Umberto.
Umberto! How sexy is that?
We met on a flight to Italy
two weeks ago,
and now we’re
getting married. In Rome.
Wow. That… Joan. Wow.
He’s the one, Beth. I know it.
I can’t wait until you meet him.
And when I do,
I will have known him
for almost as long
as you have.
You know what? You’re
not exactly a role model
when it comes to
OK, maybe not,
but that is because
I have a relationship
with my job.
I love my job.
And when I find a guy
that I like
more than my job,
that’s how I’ll know
he’s the one.
OK, so basically what you need
is a male version of yourself.
Well, he doesn’t
have to be blonde.
You know that I mean this
with all the love in the world,
but two weeks, Joan?
That’s not long enough.
That’s not even enough time
for a credit check.
When you know, you don’t
need proof. You just know.
– Be happy for me, B.
– God, I am! I am.
I am.
She’s doomed.
I mean, come on,
you meet some Italian guy
in first class, you date him.
– You don’t marry him.
– She’s so lucky.
Just imagine
working in a place
where they sort men
into classes.
What? I’m just saying.
My baby sister is about to make
the biggest mistake of her life,
and there’s nothing
I can do about it.
She got swept away.
It happens.
No, it doesn’t.
Instead of chasing
a fairy tale,
you could focus on work.
That’s what I do.
And you know what?
I’ve never been happier.
Well, you must
be ecstatic.
And still single,
I understand.
It appears we can begin.
In nine days, we’ll be hosting
the single most important
event of our year,
The Board of Trustees’
Annual Circle of Gold Gala.
This year, the special
installation for the event
is the brainchild
of our youngest
and therefore
least-experienced curator.
An exhibition centered on the
theme of pain. Status report.
Fourteen of our pieces
are already on site,
and three of the
remaining four are en route.
– And the remaining piece?
– Is the Slater Bradley.
Yes, the centerpiece for
the exhibition, where is it?
We’re resolving some
last-minute insurance issues.
Last-minute? I can’t say
I like the sound of that.
It’ll be here.
I’ll make sure of it.
Moving on…
Ah, there is one
small little detail.
The day after tomorrow, my
sister will be getting married.
In Rome. Italy.
Well, that simply
won’t do.
Well, it’s my
baby sister’s wedding.
Well, we all
have sisters, Beth.
– [man snickering]
– Mmmm.
I will stay on top of this
from Rome.
I’ll be in and out in 48 hours,
and you have my word, Celeste.
The Circle of Gold Gala
will go off without a hitch.
It better. You may
be talented, Beth,
but you’re not
Have a nice trip.
[♪ Paolo Nutini:
Pencil Full Of Lead]

♪ Oh I got a sheet for my bed
and a pillow for my head ♪

♪ I got a pencil full of lead
and some water for my throat ♪

♪ I got buttons for my coat
and sails on my boat ♪

How long you
stay Rome, eh?
Uh, forty-eight hours
and counting.
Is not so much time.
But lucky for you,
it only takes a moment
to see true beauty.
– [man giggles]
– [honking]
[man] The Eternal City is
the most romantic
city in the world.
You never lived
until you loved in Rome.
Not a lot of reception
around here, huh?
[man] Put down your phone and
look, signora. Welcome to Roma!
Did I mention I’m late
for my sister’s wedding?
[man speaks Italian] Many times.
So much beauty! [exclaims]
[brakes screech]
And, finally,
the magnificent Fontana d’Amore.
– [man speaking Italian]
– [sighs]
A place where romantics
from all over the world
come to wish for love.
Old people,
young people, ugly people.
They get so lost
in love. It’s nice!
Yes, nice, thank you.
[man shouts in Italian]
And good luck!
[bells tolling]
Joan, the Amsale dress
looks gorgeous.
– Hi! Hi.
– Beth, darling!
Wow, look at you.
You look exhausted.
– Thanks, Mom.
– She looks fine.
– You look beautiful.
– Thank you.
What happened to “don’t see
the bride before the wedding”?
– Isn’t this bad luck?
– Girls, we don’t have time.
Your father’s current
tramp of the month
is waiting inside
with your dress.
I heard that.
And she’s not a tramp.
She’s a pro beach volleyball
player. Hello, sweetheart.
– Hi, Daddy.
– [chuckles]
– How are you?
– Exhausted.
Beth, this is Umberto,
my fiance.
So, you’re my sister
too, now.
[speaks Italian]
– Yeah.
– Come on.
You have to meet his family.
They’re a scream.
See if he
has a brother.
– Dad!
– Cousin.
[♪ Johann Pachelbel: Canon
and Gigue in D Major: Gigue]

– [crowd murmuring]
– [man clears throat]
[Jami Lane: Cherry Pie playing]
♪ She’s my cherry pie ♪
♪ Cool drink of water
such a sweet surprise ♪

♪ Taste so good ♪
[man] Slippery little…
Come on.
How does he get service?
– [music stops]
♪ Sweet cherry pie ♪
– You’re late, Nick.
– I’m sorry.
– Where’s your tie?
– Oh!
There we go.
[playing Tarantella]
[clapping, cheering]
I know, but I can’t get
an Internet signal.
I need to know that you’re
on top of the
Slater Bradley situation.
[all] Hey!
You’re breaking up.
Just whistle if you can hear me.
– Stacy?
– Ah, there’s my girl.
Taking care of business.
– Always.
– Having a good time?
Oh, yeah. You know me,
I love small, intimate weddings.
[chuckles] If you’re gonna
be a bear, be a grizzly, right?
I don’t know
what that means.
[man laughing]
– So, what do you think of Tina?
– She seems very fit, Dad.
That’s all
you can say?
Tan and odds-on favorite
to catch the bouquet.
You’re a very
lucky man.
I only wish for you the feeling
I have when I’m with her.
Come on, Beth. Get going here.
I want to throw another wedding.
You will. You’re due for
another wife pretty soon.
I’m sorry,
that was a low blow.
Quite a pair, huh?
You refuse to fall in love,
and I can’t stop.
Promise me one thing.
When it comes,
you’ll be open to it.
– I will try, Daddy.
– There you are!
– It’s vase-breaking time.
– It’s what?
It’s a tradition. The maid
of honor shatters a vase,
and the number of pieces
the years of happiness she
wishes for the bride and groom.
Wow! That’s a lot
of pressure.
So smash it hard.
– OK.
– OK.
– [makes crashing sound]
– [speaks Italian]
[all repeat in Italian]
[crowd gasps, murmurs]
[chuckles nervously]
[crowd whispering]
– [microphone feedback]
– [grunting]
– [all gasping]
– [laughs]
[Beth] I’m so sorry.
I was not aiming for that,
but, man, I really nailed it.
– [gasps]
– She wishes them a life
– of great tragedy!
– No, I don’t. No, I don’t.
I just… I’m trying to
break it. I’m really trying.
I cracked it! [guffaws]
OK. We’re almost there.
Excuse me.
– Die! Oh, man!
– [man exclaims in Italian]
Let’s just go ahead
and let me handle this.
– [shouts in Italian]
– [all cheer]
Wow. You are…
You’re quite the determined
little thing, aren’t you?
Yeah, well, I cracked it
before you smashed it.
I know.
Yeah, I know.
– I’m Nick, by the way.
– Beth.
Nice to meet you. I would’ve
introduced myself earlier,
but I was running
a little late.
Yeah, I noticed.
I was in the hills
doing an interview,
and on my way back
I kinda got hit by a goat.
– Oh, my God! You hit a goat?
– No, the goat hit me.
It wasn’t my fault,
and the goat’s fine.
[crowd chanting in Italian]
– What are they saying?
– It means “speech.”
I think you’re up again.
There you go.
– Hello again.
– [microphone feedback]
I’m Beth,
sister of the bride.
Umberto, though I haven’t
known you for very long…
I’m sorry. I don’t
speak any Italian.
[speaks Italian]
[crowd murmurs]
[both chuckle]
I’m a little rusty,
so if you stay away
from any obscure idioms,
that would be great.
Yeah. Sure. I’ll
keep it simple. Thank you.
When I look at you, Joan,
I remember a little girl
who believed in magic.
As I look at you
right now…
…I see a grown woman
who has seen
all the magic in the world
come true tonight.
[speaks Italian]
This is harder
than I thought.
Because you and Umberto
are making magic here tonight.
And I know that,
if you could,
you’d share
that feeling with me.
– Oh!
– [crowd murmuring]
[man laughing]
– [crowd grumbling]
– [mutters]
OK. It appears our best man
has run out of Italian,
– so cheers.
– [speaks Italian]
[all repeat in Italian]
I liked your toast.
Thank you. Umberto’s brother
already hit on me,
and most of his family thinks
I’m a pervert, but thanks.
They do that
for good luck.
So where did you learn
to speak Italian so poorly?
Syracuse. Umberto and I
were roommates.
He taught me how to
talk to girls in Italian,
and I taught him
American football.
I wanted to
ask you before…
– Who is your service provider?
– Uh, why?
I saw you e-mailing earlier,
and I kind of have signal envy.
Give me your phone. I need to
send one quick work e-mail.
– If I don’t…
– No, you can’t have my phone.
– Why not?
– You’re just gonna
take my number.
I’m not gonna
take your number.
You’re gonna take my phone
and call your phone with it
so that you have my number,
and I can’t have you
booty-calling me
– at 2:30 in the morning.
– I’m not go…
Wait! You know what?
I do. I need it.
Because I need to
block it from my phone.
I can’t
give it to you,
because Umberto
made me turn it off.
– So it’s on vibrate?
– No, it’s off.
– [gulps] Like “off” off?
– Yeah.
– [man] Nicholas!
– Ah, Father Dino!
– Nicholas!
– Father…
– All right.
– [speaks Italian]
Maybe some cards again tonight?
Some Texas holding them?
I don’t think so. You cleaned me
out at Umberto’s bachelor party.
– No more cards for me, pal.
– Wow.
I take my vows
only six months ago.
They say it’s a
work in the progress.
– Sure.
– Forgive me.
– Come on, Father. It’s OK.
– [speaking Italian]
It’s just a card game.
It’s OK.
It’s OK.
No more cards.
– It’s OK.
– [speaks Italian]
– [instrumental music]
– [rhythmic clapping]
– Look at those two.
– Tell me he’s a good guy.
– [Nick] Ah, he’s a saint. Her?
– An angel.
Oh, a saint and an angel.
I give it a year.
I would not even
give it six months.
This marriage has
the shelf life of a banana.
They’ve known each other
two weeks.
That’s not even enough time
for a credit check.
– What?
– Nothing.
[Joan laughing]
[crowd] Hey!
No, wait! I don’t
want to… No, wait!
– [crackling]
– [music stops]
– [crowd murmuring]
– [Nick] Uh, it’s my bad.
Sorry about that.
– Go ahead.
– [speaks Italian]
[instrumental music]
What are you…?
– I’m sorry.
– Oh, yeah. It’s mine.
Just put that
back in there. Thank you.
[both laughing]
[man] Hey!
[speaks Italian]
– What did he just yell at you?
– Nothing.
– What?
– Nothing.
It means “the hit.”
I played some football
in college and…
…I took
kind of a big hit.
Football. Goats.
You get hit a lot.
It’s kind of
a famous hit.
It’s not exactly what you
want to be known for.
But it’s football. Doesn’t
everyone get hit in football?
I got hit
by lightning. OK?
On the field.
In a game.
– Oh…
– Yeah.
See, I get
that look a lot.
It’s OK. It’s OK.
Aside from a slight peripheral
vision issue, I’m fine.
– Oh! Yeah? [chuckles]
– Mmm-hmm.
[Nick] You smell
like lavender.
You smell like livestock.
You’re not so tough.
Beth! It’s time
to cut the cake.
– Oh… all right.
– [clears throat]
He looks nice.
But so did
your father.
– You seen her?
– No.
– [speaks Italian]
– [woman speaking Italian]
Be open to it, Beth.
Trust in love, Beth.
Believe in magic, Beth.
What the hell.
Come on.
There you go.
[woman laughing]
[Nick speaking Italian]
Of course.
What an idiot.
What are you looking at?
Fountain of Love.
What a crock. I mean,
we wait our whole lives
for some perfect guy to come in
and sweep us off our feet.
Well, guess what.
He’s not coming.
Each one of you is a
desperate wish for love
that is never
gonna come true.
[thunder rumbling]
So I’m saving you.
[gasps] And…
– …saving you.
– [moans]
You, I don’t
give a damn about.
But I am saving you.
– And you…
– [woman] So beautiful.
Thank you.
And I’m saving you.
– Hey, Father Dino.
– Nicholas.
[man shouting in Italian]
– Oop, the love police.
– [shouting continues]
[phone ringing]
– Hello.
– Oh, hey. Hey, it’s Nick.
[Beth] Nick who?
– Beamon. From the wedding.
– What’s taking him so long?
[Nick] Joan gave me
your number.

– Of course she did.
Uh, I wasn’t really
expecting to get you.
Want me to hang up
so you can talk to the machine?
– No. This is good.
– Yo, Nick! What’s going on?
Did you get lost?
Grab some beers! Let’s do this!
I’m looking for
the bottle opener.
It’s on the fridge.
See it from here.
Dude, you gave me
the instruction card.
– That’s a helpful card.
– Why is it wet?
– I put it in a glass of water.
– [man] Why would you do that?
– I don’t know.
– That’s weird.
I was thinking maybe
we could have dinner later?
Uh, I’m already
having dinner.
[Nick] Oh. Maybe a drink?
Some coffee?

– Nope.
[Nick] Which part no?
– The drink or the coffee?
– [man] Nick!
Umm, it’s just sort of
a blanket nope.
Nick, how long
you gonna take?
We watched Roots
while you were gone!
Maybe I’m a little
off base here,
but I thought that we hit it
off the other night, no?

Yeah, Nick, you’re
a little off base.
[dial tone]
Who would win in a fight?
A whale or a silverback gorilla?
Definitely a whale.
It also depends if
they’re in water or not.
What about like a couple
silverback gorillas?
If they’re in water,
they’ll lose.
[man] Don’t think
they swim good?
[man 2] I think they swim well.
I don’t know if they swim good.
[man] Let’s be an
English major, why don’t we?
Dude, what took you
so long?
I didn’t have a beard
when you left. [giggles]
Nice. What’s this?
– What’s it look like?
– A bottle opener.
Use that to open beer bottles?
That would’ve been nice, beers.
That would’ve been nice.
That would’ve been great.
– Whoa! You didn’t call some
chick during our game, did you?
– No!
You don’t mind if I hit redial?
That wouldn’t bother you?
– No, no, no, no. Give me that!
– Hello? I love you.
So touchy all of a sudden.
I’m not touchy.
You’re sensitive
all of a sudden.
I’m not…
I’m not sensitive.
That’s what a sensitive
person would say.
– [both chuckling]
– Yeah, whatever.
Methinks some girl
has put a spell on you.
[♪ Tina Parol:
Hold Onto Your Heart]

♪ Hold onto your heart ♪
♪ Some girls are
so drunk on love ♪

♪ Those girls are all romance ♪
♪ Can’t get enough ♪
♪ Smart are the kinds
who don’t care ♪

♪ But darling then came you ♪
[man] No!
[speaks Italian]
Wait! I just need
to see your feet!
OK, I chase.
No problem.
This is a great view
from behind.
[speaks Italian] Wait!
[shouting in Italian]
Now the game is on!
In Italia, when a woman run
away, it mean she love you!
You must love me so much!
wait! Wait!
How can I prove my love to you,
if you won’t stop?!
Mi amore, I just need
one moment with your feet!
I’m coming!
– Uh-oh! [grunts]
– [horse whinnies]
You out of your
frigging mind, dude?
– Are you OK?
– [mumbling in Italian]
I don’t know what you’re saying.
What’s he saying?
I don’t know.
I don’t speak idiot.
[man laughing]
Please, allow me…
– …to see your magnifico feet.
– What? No! Ew!
Hey, this is you.
– And this one, too.
– [man] Let me explain.
My name is
Antonio Guiseppe Donatello.
I’m from the village
of Nunzio in Italia.
I… Oh, my spleen.
It’s OK.
Two days ago,
I have a vision.
I see the face of love,
your face.
Then I see your neck,
your torso, your…
Oh, got it. I get it.
But… I could not
paint your feet.
[speaks Italian]
You came from Italy
to paint my feet?
No, also to
earn your love.
I think you have me confused
with someone else.
Put some ice on it
and be careful.
OK! I will paint your face
on every building in this city
until you recognize
my love! [laughs]
Hi. I’m kind of
in a hurry, so… Thanks.
[man] No problem.
[man 2] Isn’t this
place the greatest?
You can get your work done,
no one bothers you.
Food’s great.
Low carb, high protein.
The only way to go when
your work requires you to be
shredded and dieseled out.
Oh, yeah, here,
don’t crane your neck.
Go ahead. Feast your eyes.
Yes, I’ve seen that look before.
You’re intimidated
because I’m a model.
But I don’t want you to be
scared, OK? I’m a normal guy.
This is my portfolio.
It’s kind of my calling card.
These are mostly non-paying
jobs, or spec work.
I think that’s a real dog.
And here’s the crown jewel.
I am the Gasee guy. So…
– Wow.
– I’m Gale.
Like a gale-force wind.
I took on
that name because
it’s the most powerful force
in the natural world.
For shaping and eroding
the earth, it’s…
You can feel it.
Actually, I think that’s water,
eroding the earth.
Don’t think it’s water.
I think it’s wind.
– Like the Grand Canyon.
– I’m gonna look that up.
This is crazy.
I don’t know
whether to look at
my own reflection or at you,
– that’s how beautiful you are.
– You know what? I have to go.
– OK, you asked for it.
– [exclaims]
Yeah, she’s back. Hi.
You can’t just
take your shirt off.
I don’t hear any complaints
from the peanut gallery, so…
– Put your shirt back on, creep.
– [man] Here you go.
I know this looks nuts,
all right?
And maybe I am a little nuts
because I’ve never
tried to share my beauty
with anyone before.
And I think it’s because
I’m in love with you. Big time.
Great first date, Beth!
Let’s get another one
on the books soon.
[man] Come on, man,
put your shirt on.
Honestly though,
is there a doctor here,
because there’s some kind
of weird swelling in this…
Yeah, that can’t be normal,
can it? Humans aren’t…
Jeez, Louise,
dessert’s served.
[man 2] Sit down,
Gas guy.
– Oh, sorry.
– Excuse me, miss. Miss?
I believe you
dropped this.
Oh, my…
Yeah, thank you.
I don’t know
how that fell off. Thanks.
[man] Miss?
How did you…?
Time flies,
but magic flies faster.
Oh, you’re a
street magician.
I really appreciate it,
but I don’t have
the time right now.
You have all the time
in the world.
Damn it. All right, now it’s
getting kind of creepy
because you must
have just touched me,
and I didn’t
feel anything.
Pick a card, and I’ll
show you my heart.
– [woman] Come on, do it!
– [man] Do it!
If I pick a card, will you
stop stealing my watch?
– Probably.
– OK.
Take a good look.
Don’t show it to me.
– Wasn’t gonna.
– Place it back in the deck.
– Ready, everyone?
– Wow.
That’s not my card.
I know…
because the joker is me.
A fool for love. I told you
I’d show you my heart.
– [crowd gasping]
– Ew!
[man] Oh!
Is this your card?
Get over here.
Little help here, please.
Hey, little girl, could you
please give me my heart?
– [alarm sounding]
– [laughing]
Is it me, or is
New York getting crazier?
– Your sister’s on line two.
– Take a message.
She says it’s
kind of important.
Fine. Patch her through.
Hi, Joan.
What were you doing
in the Fontana d’Amore
– during my wedding?
What makes you think that…
[Joan] I’m looking at
a picture of you.
It’s front-page news over here,
sis. What were you thinking?
[Beth] I don’t know.
Little bit of jet lag,

little bit of champagne,
or a lot
next thing I’m sitting in the
fountain picking up coins.
She took coins from the fontana?
That’s not so good.
– Why not so good?
[Umberto] There is a legend,
if you take someone’s
coin from the fontana,
they will fall
in love with you.

– Oh! Except that is ridiculous.
– OK. Then we hang up!
[Stacy] I totally believe
in magic coins.

Were you on that call?
Love is finally
at your doorstep.
So have any men come on
to you since the wedding?
– Well…
– Oh, my God. They have been.
Yeah, a couple of weirdos
approached me this morning…
There are some magical forces
at work here.
I don’t believe in magic.
Know what I do believe in?
Art. Where’s my
Slater Bradley?
Told you I was
on top of it.
The insurance company totally
wanted to jack up the rate,
so in an effort to
be more assertive,
I told them to
shove it.
You told Hillman and Craft
to shove it?
– Yeah.
– That piece was coming
from a collector
in Australia.
Even if we got it
on a jet today,
it would never clear customs
in time for the gala.
That means I have no centerpiece
for the Circle of Gold.
I’ll get Hillman and Craft
on the phone.
I don’t think I
burned that bridge.
No, no.
It’s too late now.
I have to
tell Celeste.
– [phone ringing]
– Hello?
Hey. Did I mention Joan
gave me your cell number, too?
Little busy now.
What do you want?
Same thing
I wanted last night.
What is it going to take
for me to convince you
that I’m not
interested in you?

What is it
going to take?
It’s going to take you looking
me in the eye to tell me that.
That’d require seeing you,
and I don’t have the time…
– Hi.
– Oh, so you’re stalking me now?
No, I’m just running into you
in a premeditated manner.
I have a big problem
on my hands right now.
I just lost the
centerpiece to my show.
– Beth?
– Celeste.
This is Mr. Al Russo,
our newest patron.
He asked specifically
to see you.
Of course.
Umm, hi. Um…
– I’m sorry. Have we met before?
– In my dreams.
Beth has secured
a rare Slater Bradley
as the centerpiece
for our pain exhibit.
Actually, Celeste…
– Nick Beamon?
Are you Nick Beamon?
– Yeah.
Nick the Hit! You want to
talk about pain, this guy…
– A million volts in the neck.
– That’s fascinating.
Beth, you do have
the Slater Bradley, yes?
– Celeste, it’s…
– My fault,
and I was meaning
to tell you…
Actually, she has access
to something better.
– This is really not the time.
– An original Petrocelli.
The title of the
photograph is Anguish.
It too has never
been viewed in public.
A Petrocelli that’s
never been viewed?
That’s right. Damian Petrocelli
agreed to give me the print
– and burn the negative.
– Why would he do that?
Because I happen to be
the subject of the photo.
And I’m willing to relive
that humiliation in public
because I know that
as long as Beth is involved,
it will be in good hands.
How about that private tour
we’re gonna have?
Follow me.
Cezanne, Degas,
Manet, Picasso
and Van Gogh…
They’re just
really nicely spaced.
You did such a great job.
Let me… I have something
for you. This is a gift for you.
Oh, my.
It’s not from Tiffany.
– Sausage. That’s your face.
– Yeah, that’s it.
This may sound
a little odd to you,
but encased meat
is my life’s work.
I am like a curator, just like
you. A curator of sausage.
– Well, passion is passion.
– That’s exactly what I say.
There is not
an emotion on Earth
that can’t be expressed
through sausage.
And that bratwurst
is saying,
“Hello, and thank you
for showing me the museum.”
[chuckles] Who knew bratwurst
could even say all that?
– Beth.
– Please tell me you’re here
because you have a deep
appreciation for modern art.
I have a deep appreciation,
but for you, Beth.
[laughs] That’s it.
Tour’s over.
I know it seems crazy.
It’s crazy to me too.
Want to play cat and mouse?
I can play cat and mouse.
[makes cat noises]
[Al] You forgot
your sausages!
Oh, no. Oh, no.
– I’m so sorry.
– Oh, it hurts.
I’m so sorry. I didn’t know
that was you. I didn’t…
I’m really sorry.
It hurts so bad,
but tastes so good.
– What is that, mint?
– It’s breath spray.
You startled me, I didn’t have
anything else. I am so sorry.
Can I see it?
Take your hands away.
– You’re gonna make it worse.
– I’m not gonna make it worse.
Don’t be such a baby.
I really feel awful.
I did not know that it
would hurt that bad.
It doesn’t hurt that bad.
I was just playing.
You think you’re
real charming, don’t you?
– Little bit.
– Yeah. Well, you are. OK?
– What?
– OK.
[Nick] Where are
you going?
[Beth] I know your
type of guy, Nick.
And what type is that?
Come on. The girl
in the red dress
kissing you
at the fountain?
– You saw that?
– Yeah.
That’s why you’ve been cold
the last couple of days.
Is that so hard
to believe?
That was Umberto’s
crazy cousin, OK?
You know the blood
runs hot in that family.
Yeah, you seemed
so sick about it.
I was a little sick about it.
Especially after I met you.
[man shouting in Italian]
Oh, no. Come on.
Let’s go this way.
– Hey, Beth! It’s me, Al Russo!
– Oh, let’s cross.
– [honking]
– Whoa! Wait one second.
[man shouting in Italian]
– [Nick] Just one second!
– I’m sorry, Nick! I gotta go!
– Just…
– [Beth] I’m sorry. I gotta go.
Hold on! Beth! Beth, wait.
– [screams]
– [crashing]
[Nick] Ah, I did not see
that one coming!
OK, Lance, you can do this.
Just have to believe.
I will do the Great Mummy
Escape, and Beth will love me.
This worked for Houdini,
it should work for me.
OK, here she comes.
Well, I don’t know,
Joan. OK?
I don’t know what
I believe anymore.
All I know is that this is
crazy, and I need it to stop.
We told you
this would happen.
OK, then what
is it gonna take
for me to end
this little nightmare?
You have to return the coins
to the Fontana d’Amore.
Wait, that’s it?
And spell broken, and
these guys leave me alone?
I’m overnighting you
the coins right now.
That’s no good. She needs to
return the coins herself.
I cannot just
fly back to Italy
to put some magic coins
into a fountain.
There’s got to be another way
we can handle this.

– Try and enjoy the attention?
– Joan…
Beth! It’s me, Lance.
I’m setting
a record for you.
I know this looks
scary and dangerous,
but if I can do this,
get out of the straitjacket…
Stop! Stop!
What are you doing
in my apartment?
Blowing your mind!
No one’s ever done the Mummy
Escape in under three minutes.
– Juan, what’s my time?
– Three minutes and 53 seconds.
I don’t know.
That felt pretty tight.
Are you sure
you timed that right?
You know, you want to find the
rabbit, you got to work the hat.
You’re just not
putting in the hours, bro.
– Not in front of my girlfriend.
– Who the hell is that?
That’s Juan, my assistant.
He’s just been video chronicling
all my illusions. Anyway…
Both of you,
out of my apartment, now.
No, wait.
Now listen up.
Oh, my goodness.
Your perfume is intoxicating,
and your hair
smells like cinnamon!
Get out!
Hey, Nick… Douche.
[Nick fakes laughter]
You get those old Giant
photos I asked you for?
I am a professional
I’m not your
girl Friday, OK?
I would appreciate some
respect, but yes, here.
Or, in lieu of respect,
I’d appreciate
you and me
chatting up two ladies
and leaving the one
that knows more about Wookiees
alone with this.
I’m not gonna be able
to make that party.
What? No, Saturday night
is the ESPN party.
That’s a work and play event,
dude. Oh, my God. It’s the girl.
The museum girl,
isn’t it? I knew it.
You don’t understand.
You should see this girl.
I can barely keep up with her.
She’s smart.
She’s beautiful.
She’s funny.
Oh, my God, no.
Stop it! Stop liking her!
Do not go any further
until I can do a little
recon on this girl.
Recon? What are you, black ops?
No, absolutely not.
What do you really
know about her?
I’m not going to let my boy
go in there blind.
– Puck! No!
– No?
– No!
– No?
– No.
– How about yes?
OK, go.
[♪ Katy Perry:
If You Can Afford Me]

♪ If you want me ♪
♪ The cherry on top ♪
♪ The pick of the pack ♪
– Hey! Look at you!
– [gasps]
Look at me,
we look great!
I can’t jog.
I have a weak hamstring.
♪ If you want me ♪
♪ It takes more than a wink ♪
[speaks in Italian]
It’s OK. I nearly die. But I…
Robert Longo,
Kiki Smith, Carl Riddle…
[Lance screams]
♪ Cause that’s the deal ♪
♪ If you wanna ride ♪
♪ Just name your price ♪
♪ Don’t play cheap
with your heart ♪

♪ Don’t make a bet
if you can’t write the check ♪

♪ For me, for me ♪
♪ ‘Cause I can be bought
but you’ll pay the cost ♪

♪ If you can afford me ♪
[gasps] Mm-hm.
Wow! That looks great!
Let’s be beautiful together.
Where you going? Beth!
It’s gonna come back around
in four minutes.
It’s gonna be great!
I can explain.
There’s a nude mural
of you on 82nd Street.
Should we
start there?
I know. That is
actually a funny…
– Could we start somewhere else?
– Flowers everywhere!
A sudden,
unexplained change
in the program for the
Circle of Gold gala.
I need to have confidence
in my curators, Beth…
You wouldn’t
believe if…
You’re right.
– I’m sorry.
– You promised me this program
– would go off without a hitch.
– It will.
Let me be perfectly clear.
If it doesn’t, I’ll see to it
that the only artwork
you’re ever allowed near
are the velvet Elvis paintings
for sale in Times Square.
– Got it?
– Yeah.
[chortles] This is gonna be
a serious blow
to your self-esteem.
Maybe you
should sit down.
Remember that girl? The one
you wanted to settle down with?
The one you wanted to be
little soccer dad with?
Well, guess what. Mama’s a
bigger player than you, son!
Shazam! Check it out.
Foreign guys, old dudes,
Houdini, a half-naked gentleman.
This girl sees more action
in one afternoon
than you saw in
your whole senior season.
Look, I’m sorry, man,
but it’s all there.
It’s pretty clear
what I have to do.
I got to pick up my game.
[cell phone rings]
– I was just thinking about you.
– I was just thinking of you.
I’m sorry I ran off
the other day.
I’ve just been having
one of those weeks.
Yeah, so it would seem.
Is everything OK?
There’s a lot
I would like to tell you.
Unfortunately, I need to cut
to the chase. Back her up a bit.
My fundraiser at the museum,
it’s tomorrow,
– and I need to get
my hands on that…
– The Petrocelli.

I’m kind of wavering
on that now.
But that’s the centerpiece
to my pain exhibit.
Yeah, but have you thought at
all about my pain, my suffering?
– What?
I would feel better about it
if we could sit down, talk
about it, maybe over dinner?
I know this place
called Blackout on Bleecker.
– I was thinking 8:00?
So you’re
blackmailing me now?
– Actually, it’s extortion.
– If I come to dinner,
– can I have my Petrocelli?
– I got to run. See you at 8:00!
– [thud]
– [groans]
– You have a date, huh?
– It’s not a date.
So, what are you gonna wear?
My navy blouse, a pencil skirt,
and some open-toed slingbacks.
[♪ Jason Damato:
Floating Down A River]

– Hey.
– Hey.
Wow. You look great.
Oh, I didn’t really
have time to get ready. Um…
So this is it?
Yeah. It’s supposed to get
a lot better in the back.
– OK.
– Look,
we got off
on the wrong foot.
Actually, we got off
on the right foot,
and Umberto’s cousin
messed everything…
I don’t even want to
talk about that right now.
I just wanted to tell you
ever since that night in Rome…
Hi! My name is Ilona,
and I’ll be your
sensory guide this evening.
Tonight you will enjoy
a delicious gourmet meal
without your primary
sense of sight.
In this way your other senses
will become heightened
to bring you an exciting,
new culinary experience.
Is she serious?
Yeah. Our last
great moment
was the night the lights
went out in Rome,
so I figured we’d
pick up where we left off.
That’s beautiful.
Please take my hand
and I will lead you
to your table.
Let’s make a train.
[electronic clicking, humming]
Here we are. Now, just
follow me. Stay close.
Just let your eyes
take a back seat
while your senses
do the driving.
– [clattering]
– It’s furniture.
[Ilona] That’s a chair.
Very good. Very good.
You wouldn’t have gotten to feel
that chair if your eyes…
– [clattering]
– [Ilona] Oh, my. Oh, my!
– I’m so sorry. I am so sorry.
– [Ilona] What an adventure.
All right. That’s a head.
That’s a man’s head.
[glass shattering]
– There are so many people!
– I think I broke something.
Just keep coming forward.
That’s a woman, sir.
– Sorry.
– All right.
Here’s your table. Now follow
my voice to the chair.
– Follow my voice to the chair.
– Right here?
Where’s my voice?
Your butt should go about here.
I know you can’t see this,
but you’ve got a gentleman.
Let me help you
with your jacket.
It’s a struggle because
of your muscles. Jeez!
– Yeah.
– And here we are.
Are you smelling me?
[Ilona] OK. So, in just a few
minutes, your wine will be out.
If you need anything at all,
just raise your hand,
and one of our
attendants’ll assist you.
Remember, you can’t see us,
but we can see you.
– [chuckles nervously]
– [distant clattering]
This is…
This is kind of…
– Kind of cool.
– Creepy.
– [Ilona] It’s awesome!
– [Beth] I thought you had left.
Your wine is being poured
in front of you
at two o’clock. Enjoy.
There you go.
I hope you didn’t order
anything expensive.
She could have switched
it to a cheap bottle
and we’d have
no way of knowing.
[Ilona laughs] Still here.
And I would never do that, ever.
You going to be there
the whole meal, or…
[Ilona] No. I’m going to
let the two of you
get to know each other
on a deeper level,
and I’m going to go touch
other people in the restaurant.
– OK, then. Thank you.
– Sure.
[Beth] I think she’s finally
gone. It’s really dark.
[Nick] I’ll tell you this. Even
in the dark you’re beautiful.
[Beth, chuckling] This is
actually kind of nice.
This is the best
I’ve felt since Rome.
[Al] Beth, it’s me!
Al Russo.
– I’ve been looking
all over for you.
– Who’s this?
– [Al] Your liverwurst
nightmare, pal.
– Oh, no.
Ah, the feet…
Look who it is,

– Meatball!
– Sausage King!
[Lance] Does anyone
have… the time?
– Oh, God.
– Hey, my watch is missing.
Try being gorgeous,
and no one can see you.
– Who is that?
– [man] Waiter?
Feel like I’m driving
a Lamborghini around
with a car cover on.
– Ordered an eight-pack?
Please enjoy.
– [gasps]
I had a great time,
but I got to go!
“Great time?” We just got here!
Beth, wait. Beth…
– [thud]
– Ow!
– [woman] Ma’am!
– [man] What the hell
is going on?
People really drop
a lot of food in this place.
– [crunch]
– [gasping]
[Ilona] Are you
dark dining and dashing?
[Gale] I had her,
and you blew it.
[Antonio] He make her
disappear with magic.
[Gale] Bring her back,
– Beth!
– Please, just let me go.
Do you mind telling me what
the hell just happened there?
– How many guys are you seeing?
– I’m not see…
You don’t…
Those guys don’t know me.
They’re just under
a… spell.
Beth! Beth, hi!
Why don’t you leave me alone!
I don’t know you!
Beth, it’s me.
Your dentist. Dr. Moscowitz.
– Sorry, Dr. Moscowitz. Hi.
– Everything OK?
– Oh, God, yeah.
And I’m flossing twice a day.
– Oh, good.
– I don’t want to talk about it.
– Your dentist? Are you OK?
I just want
to get out of here.
– Where do you want to go?
– I don’t…
Where would you
feel safe?
I used to come here
with my parents
when I was
a little girl.
I thought this place
was magic.
And my father told me
that the roof was made of glass
so that God could see
the paintings from up in heaven.
I know.
Her name was
Marie-Therese Walter.
She was 17 when Picasso
fell in love with her.
Picasso was already married,
and 30 years her senior,
so they kept
their affair a secret.
But he documented
his passion
by hiding her initials
in some of his paintings.
Of course, Picasso wasn’t
completely ready to settle down,
and he left Marie-Therese
for Dora Maar
just like he left his wife
Olga for Marie-Therese.
But Marie-Therese
never stopped loving Picasso.
And she hung herself
after his death.
You OK?
She just loved him so much,
and in the end, he didn’t
really love her back.
It’s just sad.
You know, it doesn’t always
have to be that way.
Every time I’ve ever put myself
out there, I’ve gotten hurt.
Every time.
It’s like I meet a guy,
and I think it’s great.
And anyone else would
just be thinking about
how much greater
it’s going to get.
And I’m constantly waiting
for the other shoe to drop.
You know, lightning does strike
once in a while, Beth.
Trust me. I know.
I wish I could
believe that.
You can. No other shoes
are going to drop, Beth.
This is real.
I’m real.
– Damn it!
– It’s OK.
– It’s OK.
– One second.
Six beers enter,
no beers leave!
What are you doing?
Come on.
Is she here?
What’s her name? Betsy?
I hate you.
You’re ruining my life.
– Aha, you found it.
– Oh, it’s so beautiful.
– And so sad.
– Yeah, it’s OK.
You know, every time I look at
that, all I think about is…
…everything football meant
to me and my family
and especially
my old man.
All the dreams…
gone in an instant.
That was the real hit.
Oh, no.
– What?
– I have to go.
What’s wrong?
We can slow down.
– I just have to go.
– Hold on, hold on.
Hold on. Hey!
– I don’t get it.
– I know you don’t, Nick.
And you probably
never will.
But it’s not real.
And it’s never going to be real.
What about the photograph?
Keep it.
I don’t want to
see you in pain.
[♪ Adele: Make You Feel My Love]
♪ When the rain
is blowing in your face ♪

♪ And the whole world
is on your case ♪

♪ I could offer
you a warm embrace ♪

♪ To make you feel my love ♪
Is this all the programs?
I don’t want to forget any.
Everything’s gonna be OK,
Beth. I know it will.
No, it’s not.
It’s his chip. He’s just
under a spell. It’s not real.
[telephone rings]
– Hello.
– Listen, I have great news.
Umberto talked to his nana.
She said there’s another way
to break the spell.

– There is?
Yeah. All you have to do
is return the coins
directly to the guys.
It doesn’t have to
be the fountain.
Return the coin,
return the love.

If I return the coins,
I return the love?
That’ll break
the spell?
And that’ll get me
out of this whole mess?
Yeah! It’ll be all over.
Isn’t that great?

– Yeah. It’s great.
I knew you’d be relieved.
[Stacy] This is for
your own good, boss.
[Beth] It’s exactly
what I wanted.
Yeah! Oh, I got to go. Good
luck at the show tonight.

I’ll call you later.
I love you, OK? Bye!
– OK.
Hey, boss, I’m gonna
start setting up.
I’ll see you
at the Gugg.
♪ I could make you happy ♪
♪ Make your dreams come true ♪
♪ Nothing that I wouldn’t do ♪
♪ Go to the ends
of the earth for you ♪

♪ To make you feel my love ♪
♪ To make you feel my love ♪♪
– [knocking]
Come on in.
It’s nice here.
Very nice.
I like what you do.
It’s sort of modern.
– Very nice place.
– Beautiful.
Really nice. You look great.
Are you excited for the show?
You OK? You seem sad.
This is going to be
harder than I thought. Um…
I’m actually glad
that you’re all here.
Just because I need
to tell you something.
Come here.
The couch. You can
sit on the couch.
– You’re gonna
tell us on the couch?
– Yeah.
I think she’s gonna
pick one of us.
Like The Bachelor.
I love this show, with the rose.
– I like my odds.
– It’s you, it’s you.
I don’t know any other way to
say this, other than to just…
You don’t love me.
– Trust me, I love you.
– No, you don’t.
– They don’t, but I do.
– I love you so much.
Well, I was drunk, but I took
the coins. I took your coins.
– I do love you.
– It’s not real.
You don’t love me.
– As much as I can love someone.
– No, you don’t.
We’re not in love with each
other. I’m in love with someone
else. I love Nick.
I love Nick.
I love Nick more than I love
my job, which is big for me.
And it’s not your fault,
and I’m really sorry.
I love him even if
he might not love me back.
You know?
I understand
loving somebody and…
…them not loving you back.
We all do.
– It’s a bummer.
– This really suck.
[sighs] I’m sorry, guys.
The whole point of love is to
put someone else’s needs above
your own.
Maybe that’s why I’m here.
Maybe that’s why we’re all here.
Maybe for you.
– He may be on to something.
– No, it’s true.
– How can we help?
– Thanks, guys.
And this will all be a little
clearer when I give you
something back.
Oh, no.
– What the heck is…?
– What?
– [Gale] That was weird.
– I swear, that wasn’t me.
It was just…
…freak electrical storm has
caused rolling blackouts and

throughout the city. Traffic
lights are out throughout
the metro area.

New York City
is at a standstill.

– We got to stay in.
– I make food for everybody.
We eat.
No, no, no. We’re not staying
here. You’re not staying here.
I need to be at the Guggenheim.
This has to end now.
After we eat.
Hold it, hold it.
If we love her, we’ll get her to
the Guggenheim. That’s all there
is to it.
Let’s do this.
I’ll do it. And I’m going
to do it with more flair
than all of you.
We take my car.
I just bring her from Italia.
– You have a car?
– It’s molto grande.
For one, two… No, it be fine.
[woman] Come on! Move it!
– Comfortable up there?
– Where’s the keys?
I had the keys
in your apartment.
– Have the key.
– Give him the keys.
– [Lance] I am what I am.
– [Gale] Annoying.
Who makes this car,
In Italia
this is a midsize car.
In America it’s a clown car.
– It’s Stacy. Leave a message.
– Please call me when
you get this.
And don’t do anything
with those coins. I’m on my way.
– I was expecting
a little bit bigger.
– Oh, tiny bit, huh?
Hit the horn. Thread the needle.
See if you can go around this
– Just drive like
you’re in Rome.
– No problem.
[♪ Matchbox 20:
How Far We’ve Come]

[all scream]
Hey, coming through!
I’m OK.
If you can’t reach
the dashboard,
and you wanna hold onto
the washboards, let me know.
[Gale] There’s a fat guy
on a bike. A fat guy on a bike.
[Antonio] Sorry about that.
I’ll give you a thousand bucks
to let me sit in front.
– OK, that hurt.
– Damn it!
Come on up.
There’s the Gugg!
[Antonio] Coming through!
– You can just let me out here.
– No, not close enough.
I take you right upstairs.
♪ Let’s see
how far we’ve come ♪

♪ Let’s see
how far we’ve come ♪

– No, Antonio. The doors!
– I got this.
You must all believe.
– I don’t believe!
– I don’t believe!
I believe!
[laughs maniacally]
I did it!
[elevator bell dings]
[engine idling]
[Beth clears throat]
Could you push five?
[elevator hums]
[elevator dings]
[loud ding]
[speaks Italian]
[elevator dings]
Beth. There you are.
You’re a hit.
They love the show.
The Petrocelli is… How?
Nick sent it over late this
afternoon. People cried when
they saw it.
– And Celeste is…
– Pleased.
We’ve already received a record
number of financial pledges
tonight, Beth.
I’m very proud of you.
You’re a wonderful curator.
Anyone who would care to join me
in the Thannhauser, please come
this way.
Stacy… I need the coins.
But look at what’s happened,
Beth. Nick did all of this
for you.
– He loves you.
– I know.
But if I take his love against
his will, that’s not love at
Please, Stacy. The coins.
I have to do this my way.
– [Puck] You are not going
to the Guggenheim.
– [Nick] This isn’t my scene.
What are you talking about?
We’re neck-deep in hot ladies.
LT is here.
What up, son? [laughs]
– LT!
– Man, what’s your damn problem?
He knows his name.
Where are you going?
Hey, how’s it going?
We’re from the network.
Good to see you. We’re big fans.
We read your column every week.
Thank you.
Somebody we wanted
to introduce you to. Nick, Shaq.
– How you doing?
Read your article.
– Good. Yeah?
– Spelled my name wrong.
– It’s the proofreading
– This guy right here?
– Yeah, this guy.
– [cell phone rings]
– Excuse me, I’ve got
to take this phone call.
– You don’t know how to spell?
– I don’t know anything.
Beth. Hey, how are you?
[Beth] Nick, there’s something
I want to tell you.

Even though it won’t
matter after tonight.
I want to thank you…
for making me believe
in love again.
Even if it wasn’t real for you,
it was very real for me.
What does that mean?
[clicks phone off]
Beth. Beth!
[police siren blares]
Hey! [whistles]
I’m guessing
this belongs to you?
Does it?
Check your purse.
OK, stop it.
I need you to take this.
Come on. Close your hand.
– Wait, I have another trick.
– Nope.
Now I remember.
I never had the guts
to perform in public
until I wanted to do it for you.
I guess I just needed a muse.
What am I going
to do without you?
You’ll find your muse.
Your true muse.
Trust me,
you won’t be sorry.
Are you a coin collector?
When I threw this coin
in the fountain
I wasn’t wishing
that my wife would come back.
I knew that wouldn’t happen.
I was just wishing to get
a chance to feel the way
I did when she was around.
…my wish came true.
You gave me that.
Thank you.
Come on!
Is this your euro?
– That’s weird.
– Antonio?
– It’s Anthony, actually.
– From Nunzio?
– No. Newark. New Jersey.
– Are you really a tortured
Tortured. Been in retail shoe
sales for the last nine years.
As far as being an artist,
I guess I figured going
to Italy’d make me one.
I think you’re an artist.
I do. And I’m not just saying
that because I’m trying to get
rid of you.
– It’s my professional opinion.
– Thank you.
I think I’ll miss you
least of all.
Honestly, I don’t think
I really learned anything.
– No?
– But I had a blast
helping you grow.
You’re welcome.
Good luck. It’s all right.
– What’s going on?
– All the lights are out.
Some kind of
freak electrical storm.
I wouldn’t cross there if I were
you! That’s suicide, pal!
Crap, not again.
[groans] I didn’t see
that one coming.
– That was both
our faults, really.
– What are you doing here?
Didn’t think I was going
to let my boy do this alone,
did you?
– I feel safer. Thank you.
– Does she have a sister?
– She’s married.
– Dammit.
– [horse whinnies]
– Come on. Get in.
You’re buying me
a new windshield.
– Don’t kick my car.
I’ll hit you again!
– I’m OK, by the way.
– I’m fine.
Don’t worry about me.
– Good. I don’t care.
And I guess there’s one more.
Looking for something?
I need that.
where’d it go?
Oh, there they are.
Now, there’s two.
– Back to one.
– Give it to me!
So, I guess
it’s over now, huh?
– Is that really what you want?
– It doesn’t matter what I want.
You’ve got your will back.
Ever since I saw you
in that fountain something…
…something changed in me.
I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.
I can’t do anything
without thinking about you.
I don’t know what
is going on with me,
but I want to know
what is going on with you.
You seem to think that all these
guys are under some crazy spell,
and that I’m one of them, but
I’m not. This is real, OK?
And I ran all the way up Fifth
Avenue in a lightning storm
– because I wanted
to tell you…
– You love me?
– I never said I loved you.
– You didn’t. No, you don’t.
I just never said it.
You said it, and I wanted
to say it, but…
OK, you go. You say it.
Well, say it if you want
to say it.
The only spell
that I’m under…
…is yours.
I’m in love
with you, Beth.
[bells ringing]
– Oh. Did she invite you, too?
– Yeah. Tony.
– Gale.
– Yeah.
– Nice to see you.
– Yeah. You, too.
– [Gale] You look great.
That’s a nice cut.
– [Antonio] You look terrific.
Beautiful silhouette.
I saw you out there.
– You can hold a suit. Yeah.
– Thank you.
– You’re an artist.
– Yeah. Sort of.
I would love
to do a nude with you.
I’d like that.
I’d really like that.
[Lance] I am really sorry
about this, Beth. This is
all my fault.
I found that
in my bag of tricks.
– It’s not mine, so…
– Oh, my God. It’s Nick’s.
I guess I accidentally gave you
the wrong chip in the museum.
He’s still under the spell.
– OK, thank you. Time to go.
– Are you her sister?
– Would you like
to see an illusion?
– Bye-bye.
Don’t you want
to be dazzled?
– Oh, my God, Beth.
I’m so sorry.
– What am I going to do?
When you married Mom, did you
ever think that you wouldn’t
make it?
[chuckling] Elizabeth Ann.
Honey, you cannot learn
from my mistakes.
You’re going to have to go
out there and make your own.
Now, you could get
your heart broken or
you could have the greatest
love affair the world has
ever known,
but you’re not going
to know unless you try.
But what if there was
a guarantee that you’d
never get hurt.
Baby… the passion
is in the risk.
It’s like I always say,
“If you’re going to be
a bear…”
– “Be a grizzly.”
– That’s my girl.
[Ave Maria plays]
[priest sighs]
A marriage
is like all contracts
that the two enter under the
eyes of Our Father Almighty.
If there’s anybody here
who has reasons that Beth…
…and Nicholas should not
get married today,
speak now or forever
hold on to your peaces.
It could be anybody.
You don’t have to know
them to speak up.
OK, padre, it seems nobody’s
objecting, so let’s move on
with it.
Do you, Nicholas, take Beth
to be your awful wedded wife?
“Lawful.” Yes. Yes, I do.
[both speak Italian]
What is with him?
And do you, Beth, take Nicholas
to be your awful wedded husband?
To love, amore, to honor
until morte,
death, do you part?
Think, bella. It’s a very
big responsibility, no?
I can’t do this to you,
Nick. I’m sorry.
[crowd gasps]
You think you’re
pretty funny, don’t you?
Did you enjoy
watching me go crazy?
Did you have fun watching
my life turn upside down
because of love?
Because I did.
I’ve got a question.
Why do you keep
giving me my poker chips?
Because you deserve
to have it back.
You threw it in the fountain
and wished for love,
and I don’t want
to keep it anymore.
– No, I didn’t.
– You didn’t?
– No.
– Then who did?
I have no idea.
Then this is all real?
How’s this for real?
[shouts in Italian]
Free of temptation!
[laughs hysterically]
Didn’t you say
at Umberto’s bachelor party…
The padre cleaned me out
at the poker table. Yeah.
[♪ Paolo Nutini:
Pencil Full Of Lead]

♪ One
One, two, three, four ♪

♪ I got legs on my chairs
and a head full of hair ♪

♪ Pot and a pan
And some shoes on my feet ♪

♪ I got a shelf full of books
and most of my teeth ♪

♪ A few pairs of socks
and a door with a lock ♪

♪ I got food in my belly
and a license for my telly ♪

♪ And nothing’s
going to bring me down ♪

♪ Oh no ♪
♪ Oh nothing ♪
♪ Oh nothing
Oh nothing ♪

♪ Nothing’s gonna
bring me down ♪

♪ I got a nice guitar
and tires on my car ♪

♪ I got most of the means
and scripts for the scenes ♪

♪ I’m out and about
so I’m in with a shout ♪

♪ I got a fair bit of chat
but better than that ♪

♪ Food in my belly
and a license for my telly ♪

♪ And nothing’s going
to bring me down ♪

♪ Nothing
Oh nothing ♪

♪ Nothing’s going
to bring me down ♪

♪ But best of all
I’ve got my baby ♪

♪ Oh, best of all
I’ve got my baby ♪

♪ She’s mighty fine
and says she’s all mine ♪

♪ And nothing’s going
to bring me down ♪

Whoo hoo hoo!
♪ Oh best of all
I’ve got my baby ♪

♪ Oh best of all
I’ve got my baby ♪

♪ She’s mighty fine
and says she’s all mine ♪

♪ And nothing’s going
to bring me down ♪

♪ She’s mighty fine
and says she’s all mine ♪

♪ And nothing’s
going to bring me down ♪

♪ She’s mighty fine
and says she’s all mine ♪

♪ And nothing’s
going to bring me down ♪

♪ Not today, no, no ♪♪
[♪ Sofi Bonde: Heart Bling]
♪ I know you think
you had it better ♪

♪ I didn’t mean
to break your patter ♪

♪ No ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ I’m not the one
supposed to matter ♪

♪ Then again
it’s not what you’re after ♪

♪ No ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ Save me
Take me home ♪

♪ I can’t be alone ♪
♪ I’ll take you down ♪
♪ I’ll take you ♪
♪ You can’t get enough
I’ll make your heart bling ♪

♪ Don’t shut it off
I’ll make your heart sing ♪

♪ Just let it go
You’re feeling something ♪

♪ And I’m feeling something ♪
♪ I’m feeling something ♪
♪ Help me
Take me home ♪

♪ I want you ♪
♪ You can’t get enough
I’ll make your heart bling ♪

♪ You can’t shut it off
I’ll make your heart sing ♪

♪ Just let it go
You’re feeling something ♪

♪ And I’m feeling something ♪
♪ You can’t get enough
I’ll make your heart bling ♪

♪ Don’t shut it off
I’ll make your heart sing… ♪

[♪ Needtobreathe:
Something Beautiful]

♪ In your ocean
I’m ankle deep ♪

♪ I feel the waves
crashin’ on my feet ♪

♪ It’s like I know
where I need to be ♪

♪ But I can’t figure out
Yeah I can’t figure out ♪

♪ Just how much air
I will need to breathe ♪

♪ When your tide
rushes over me ♪

♪ There’s only one way
to figure out ♪

♪ Will ya let me drown ♪
♪ Will ya let me drown ♪
♪ Hey now
This is my desire ♪

♪ Consume me like a fire ♪
♪ ‘Cause I just want something
beautiful To touch me ♪

♪ I know that I’m in reach ♪
♪ ‘Cause I am down
on my knees ♪

♪ I’m waiting
for something beautiful ♪

♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Something beautiful ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Something beautiful ♪♪
[♪ Matt Hires:
Honey, Let Me Sing You A Song]

♪ Maybe I’m blind
Maybe I’m blind ♪

♪ Oh I couldn’t see you shine ♪
♪ And shimmer
right in front of my eyes ♪

♪ Front of my eyes
Oh no ♪

♪ I thought I saw light
Thought I saw light ♪

♪ Oh it was a faded mirror ♪
♪ Just a dim reflection ♪
♪ But you shine
You shine so much brighter ♪

♪ Oh ♪
♪ And honey
let me sing you a song ♪

♪ And listen to my words
as they come out wrong ♪

♪ But don’t run away
Run away ♪

♪ This time ♪♪