The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Amazon

Corporate analyst and single mom, Jen, tackles Christmas with a business-like approach until her uncle arrives with a handsome stranger in tow.
[MUSIC – ANDY WILLIAMS,
“IT’S THE MOST
WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR”]
(SINGING) It’s the most
wonderful time of the year.
With the kids jingle belling
and everyone telling you
be of good cheer.
It’s the most wonderful
time of the year.
It’s the hap-happiest
season of all.
With those holiday greetings
and gay happy meetings
when friends come to call.
It’s the hap-happiest
season of all.
There’ll be parties for hosting,
marshmallows for toasting,
and caroling out in the snow.
There’ll be scary ghost stories
and tales of the glories
of Christmases long, long ago.
All right, kiddo,
I’m ready when you are.
OK.
(SINGING) It’s the
most wonderful time–
To Santa Claus from Brian
Cullen regarding presents.
Dear Santa, I’m fine.
I hope you are well.
This year I’d like
a Rocket Wheel.
Personal regards, Brian Cullen.
Very professional.
What’s a Rocket Wheel?
Um, it’s like only one of
the coolest bikes in the world.
It makes lots of noises.
Its wheels light up and–
OK, OK, OK.
Jump in.
Are you sure that’s
all you want?
Well, Uncle Ralph
brings me everything else.
That’s true, he does.
You know, we are going
to have to be extra nice
to Uncle Ralph this year.
You mean because
of Aunt Margaret.
Yes, because of Aunt Margaret.
You know, the holidays
can be a little
rough when you’ve lost someone.
But let’s make this Christmas
the best Christmas ever, OK?
OK.
What’s this?
Oh, well, some of
the boys at school
said Santa Claus wasn’t real.
So I wrote down a few questions.
And they are?
How does he do it all in one
night, I mean, the whole world?
Well, there are
time differences
in all the markets, that helps.
Right, so, like, when
it’s Christmas here,
it’s not Christmas
in Australia, so that
gives him an extra night.
And he has a lot
of branch offices.
And I’m sure that he’s updated
his distribution software.
Look FedEx does it
every day, right?
You know what?
I am going to look
this over, and I
will get back to you tomorrow.
Yeah.
Go to sleep my little thinker.
Close your eyes.
Sweet dreams.
Good night.
[music playing]
I can’t wait for
Christmas to be over.
Self diagnostic initiated.
I am WowWee Robotics model RSV2.
Look at this, I got it
for my nephew for Christmas.
I think I’m gonna keep him.
He could drive a cop car.
Hey, Ralph?
Yeah, I’ll be
right there, Benny.
This is so great.
It’s gonna walk.
That’s very nice, Ralph.
Come on, there’s a
surprise for you over here.
All right, all
right, all right.
You know what?
Give him a beer.
I think he’ll enjoy it.
Behave.
All right, I’m coming.
Come on.
Come on.
– Hey, everybody, how you doing?
– Hey.
What are you guys doing here?
Ralphy.
Nice to see you, Marsha.
All right, what’s going on, huh?
Congratulations.
We wanted to pay tribute to
your retirement with a portrait.
What do you think?
[applause]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Listen, it’s great
that I’m on the wall.
I’d just rather
be on the street.
Ralph, it’s an honor.
Oh, I know that.
I know, it’s an honor, right.
But I can run circles
around those young guys.
You know what?
Come here, I want to
show you something.
Ralph, you’re not
gonna believe this.
No, no, no, Benny, come here.
You’re not gonna
believe this robot.
Hey.
What?
– Give it up.
– Give it up?
You got a gun?
I don’t need a gun
with you, old man.
No?
Are you nuts?
I’m gonna tell you
something, you make one move
and I will crush your
windpipe, all right?
Now, what have we learned
from this evening?
You do not attack
somebody outside
of a bar filled with police
officers, you understand?
If my robot is in
any way damaged,
I will just rip you apart.
Hey, you guys got some cuffs?
Yeah, yeah.
I got some here.
Huh?
Would you do me a favor,
would you cuff him?
I am exhausted.
– You got it.
Let’s go, buddy.
On your stomach.
Get his name and book
him, attempted robbery.
So here’s the stuff
on Hybrid Microtech.
Great.
And there’s a little surprise
waiting for you in your office.
Oh, yeah?
Yep, flowers from
Mr. Barnes himself.
The card reads great job
on the Foster portfolio.
– This is great.
– Yeah.
This is better than I thought.
I know.
The letters are from Barnes?
Yeah.
Nice, you know
what that means.
He’s too cheap for champagne.
Vise president.
[laughs] Oh, is this
my list for today?
It’s Brian’s Christmas list.
I swear, Denise, I have
the best kid in the world.
You know how most kids ask
for like a million things?
– Yeah.
– One toy he wants.
Oh, yeah, what would that be?
Something called
a Rocket Wheel.
You’re kidding me, right?
Why?
Haven’t you seen this?
What?
Oh, no.
DENISE: I can’t believe you
haven’t heard about this.
You analyze corporations.
Yeah, well, if I was
doing a bike company,
then I would have
been all over it.
Well, according to the news,
you can’t even get one of these
unless you go to China.
All right, all right,
all right, not to panic.
Look, just drop whatever
you’re doing today,
get on the internet, and see if
you can find me one of these.
DENISE: Sure.
What else?
Your mother sent you an email.
She’s not gonna make
it for Christmas.
What?
Yeah, something about
she got a free condo
in the Caribbean or something.
– What are you talking about?
She has to be here.
What about Brian?
She was here for Thanksgiving.
She’s also supposed to meet
Richard’s parents for Christmas
dinner, my Christmas dinner.
She has to make the turkey.
I’ve never made a turkey before.
Oh, girl, turkeys are so easy.
Like, I– actually no,
the first couple of times,
it got all dry and
awful and you eat it
and it’s just like, blech.
Not helping.
Sorry.
I am going to look
like a total incompetent
in front of Richard’s
parents, not that they
like me to start with.
What am I going to do?
Make lots of gravy?
I’m gonna get you
a Rocket Wheel.
Everything’s gonna be great.
And turkey recipes.
Yeah, I’m on it,
turkey recipes.
You’re a gem.
For that Christmas
she’ll always
remember, come to
Winsley’s Jewelers,
where diamonds are still
a girl’s best friend.
Ho, ho, ho.
So what do you think?
We start running it tomorrow.
Um.
I have to be honest,
you really shouldn’t
be doing your own commercials.
I know I’m awful,
but sales are up 32%.
Everybody wants to see the
terrible guy in the ad.
OK.
Listen, I have to
ask you a favor.
You know everyone in the world.
Tell me how I can
find one of these.
Jen, I’ll talk to
some of my people,
but why’d you wait so long?
I had no idea it was
this year’s Tickle Me Elmo.
You analyze
corporations, I figured–
I know that I
analyze corporations.
If one more person
says that to me–
Honestly, this
whole holiday thing
is seriously driving me nuts.
I don’t have half
my shopping done.
I made cookies the other
night that taste like drywall.
I don’t have my decorations up.
And my mother, now, she’s
not coming out for Christmas.
Jennifer, my parents are
looking forward to meeting her.
I know.
Well, they’re just gonna have
to meet Uncle Ralph instead.
Oh.
What is that supposed to mean?
I’ve only met him
that once, but, I mean,
he’s a little rough
around the edges.
He’s the nicest
guy in the world.
Jennifer, he used to clean his
guns on the living room floor
when you’d bring home a date.
He’s mellowed.
I hear something.
[laughs]
This is great.
You are great.
All right.
I got the truck.
I got the football.
I got that robot thing.
I got this for Brian, this
for Brian, this for Brian,
this for Brian.
And I got nothing for Jen.
I hate shopping for girls.
All right, fine, just
make sure that everybody’s
in the office by 10:00.
All right, can you tell
me when I get there?
I gotta go.
Morning, Jennifer.
Good morning, Rita.
I– uh, I noticed your
lights aren’t up yet.
Ha.
You don’t want to be the only
dark house on Christmas Eve,
do you?
– No, of course not.
We’re going for the
whole street this year.
It’s just simple, white
lights everywhere.
Wonderful.
You know, I actually called
the guys who usually do them,
but they haven’t called me back.
Who did yours?
My husband, of course.
Of course.
I’ll talk to you about
it later, I gotta run.
(MOCKINGLY) My
husband, of course.
Step behind the car, I dare you.
[music playing]
(SINGING) I miss my
Christmas baby from his head
down to his mistletoe.
Ooh, I miss my Christmas
baby from his head
down to his mistletoe.
Cause without my Christmas
baby I got no place left–
It’s not for sale.
That bike stays in the window.
Why?
Bait and switch.
People see that bike in the
window, then they come in.
I sell them something
else, or take their order
for a Rocket Wheel, in January.
OK.
I’ll buy it from you
today, but I won’t
pick it up until Christmas Eve.
How’s that?
I don’t know.
Look, face it,
OK, after the 25th,
the bottom falls out of
the market for this bike.
Sell it to me today, you
keep it in the window,
you can bait and
switch all you want.
On the 24th, the bike is mine
and you make a nice profit.
It’s the best of both worlds.
We close at noon.
I will be here at 11:59.
Thank you.
See, that’s why great
minds think alike.
I was just dialing your number.
JENNIFER (ON PHONE):
Did you talk to mom?
Do you know that I’m stuck
figuring out the turkey?
Who goes to the beach
at Christmas time?
I mean, she’s my
sister, I love her.
But she is a flake.
Well, I know.
And I was hoping that she was
gonna be coming out with you.
Because that is an awfully long
drive to be doing by yourself.
Yeah, well, that’s
why I’m flying.
Flying?
You hate to fly.
When is the last time that
you were even on an airplane?
Um, I think Nixon
was in office.
Anyway, listen, I’m
gonna need a ride
from the airport to
your house, so please
put me on one of your lists.
OK, you’re on the list.
Also, you know what?
I sent all the packages ahead
so I can travel really light.
I hope you didn’t go
overboard again this year.
Oh, wouldn’t you like to know.
JENNIFER (ON PHONE):
You are incorrigible.
AIRLINE EMPLOYEE
(ON LOUDSPEAKER):
Passengers departing
from JFK to Japan–
Hey, I’m standing here.
Sorry.
Oh, oh, oh, miss, miss,
look, I don’t see Chicago.
Can you help me?
No, I can’t.
And they pay you?
Come on.
Excuse me, sir.
Hey, look, I don’t
have any spare change,
I’m not gonna buy one
of your pamphlets,
and I don’t want to join
your cult, so just back off.
I was just trying to see
if you needed some help.
I’m sorry.
Hey, you fly a lot?
Yeah, all the time.
All right, look, I
don’t see Chicago up here.
That’s OK, here.
Why don’t you let
me see your ticket?
Yeah, 1274, Chicago,
I’m on the same flight.
So what line do I get on?
Yeah, well,
unfortunately, it’s
that very long one right there.
I haven’t checked in either.
I kind of fell asleep.
Morgan Derby.
– Ralph Kendall.
– It’s nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
What do we do?
You know what, Ralph?
I got an idea on how
we can skip that line.
Thing is, it’s a
little dishonest.
Keep talking.
All right, here,
follow my lead.
Let’s go.
Excuse me, miss?
We have a bit of a problem here.
Yeah, you and about a
million other people today.
Yeah, well, your baggage
handler just ran over my uncle.
So?
So?
So that’s what we
call negligence.
Nothing I can do for you.
Hey, listen, we can
do this the easy way
or we can do this the hard way.
Look, it was all caught
on tape, which, of course,
we’ll subpoena.
And I’ve got the names and
numbers of 12 witnesses to it.
Now, when they see
the tape of that–
OK, what’s the easy way?
You take these tickets
and you head back there
and check us in.
Little upgrade might be nice.
OK, fine.
Coming through.
Excuse me.
Ow.
Ralph, we’re right here.
I’m inside.
Wow, I don’t know
why everybody’s
complaining about flying.
This is great.
Yeah, well, don’t
get too used to it.
On the way home, you’re in
the back with the peasants.
So Ralph, what would
you like for breakfast?
We got steak and
eggs, Spanish omelet.
Oh, nothing.
Thank you.
I’m fine.
It’s good.
Hey, Ralph, it’s first class.
Everything’s free.
Are you kidding?
No, I’m not kidding.
Good morning, gentlemen,
care for a drink?
What do you got?
Coffee, tea, beer, champagne.
– Free?
– Free.
All right, I’ll tell you
what, I’ll start with the beer,
we’ll move right
into the champagne,
and end with steak and eggs.
I’ll have the same thanks.
May I take your coats?
Thank you.
Do I get it back?
I’m just joking.
CHEF 1 (VOICEOVER): The holidays
aren’t complete without turkey
and all the trimmings.
Nothing says happy
holidays like the smell
of turkey coming from the oven.
OK, great, just tell
me how to cook it.
CHEF 1 (VOICEOVER):
Before you get started,
you must first preheat the oven.
Begin at 300, then
400, then 450.
[groans] Make up
your mind already.
CHEF 2 (VOICEOVER): Every family
enjoys a nice and moist turkey,
so you must begin by wrapping
it in thick aluminum foil.
CHEF 3 (VOICEOVER): Use medium
thickness aluminum foil.
CHEF 4 (VOICEOVER):
The foundation
of stuffing is bread crumbs.
CHEF 2 (VOICEOVER): For
stuffing they’ll never forget,
start with croutons.
CHEF 4 (VOICEOVER): Everyone
loves a touch of celery.
CHEF 1 (VOICEOVER):
Fresh apples give
it a sweet, crunchy flavor.
CHEF 2 (VOICEOVER):
Selecting the right roasting
pot will be one of
the most important
decisions you will make.
CHEF 1 (VOICEOVER): Olive oil.
CHEF 2 (VOICEOVER): Butter.
CHEF 3 (VOICEOVER): Margarine.
CHEF 4 (VOICEOVER):
Diced shrimp.
CHEF 1 (VOICEOVER):
Baby scallops.
CHEF 3 (VOICEOVER): Garlic.
CHEF 2 (VOICEOVER): Rosemary.
You must begin by wrapping–
[interposing voices]
CHEF 4 (VOICEOVER): Do
not use aluminum foil.
This is going to be a disaster.
Let’s see, from there
I went to Ireland,
worked on a farm,
Spain, Greece, Paris.
What’d you do in Paris?
Well, let’s see, I
taught English, waited
tables, bar tended, cleaned
fish, wrote half a novel,
and stage manager of
“Waiting for Godot.”
I do not want to
type your resume.
It’s about 60 pages long.
All that changed a
couple of weeks ago.
What happened?
I turned 30.
Do not talk to
me about being 30.
I know, I know.
But I’ve been kind of
traveling and rambling
around ever since college.
I figured it’s time to
put down some roots, which
is why I’m heading to Denver.
What’s in Denver?
Old girlfriend.
I’m gonna try and talk her
into opening a restaurant.
I cannot see you standing in
a doorway saying, excuse me,
would you like a menu?
– Hey, no.
Can I get you a menu?
Strictly back
of the house here.
You can put chef on that resume.
You’re a chef?
Oh, yeah.
How do you handle a turkey?
Let me tell you, you have
not had a turkey until I
have cooked you a turkey.
No kidding.
All right, here’s
another question,
what kind of cranberry sauce?
– For you?
– Yeah.
Straight out the can.
Oh, my kind of guy.
I hate those little
nubby things in there.
I like it smooth, you know?
Ralph, I had a
feeling, my friend.
Yeah.
OK, Brian, let’s go,
let’s go, let’s go.
Good boy.
Oh, mom, it’s too big.
It’s not too big.
The hook is just a
little too small.
We’ll get a bigger one, OK?
I’ll put it on the list.
Wow, she’s pretty.
Yeah.
She’s more of a
daughter than a niece.
Her father died when
she was very young.
What about her mom?
Oh, my sister, lawyer, very
successful, totally nuts.
Travels a lot.
So Jenny used to stay
with us all the time,
you know, we never had kids.
Single mom?
Yeah, she– thank you.
Yeah, well, she met
this boy from back east.
I met him one time.
He’s very nice.
Between you and me,
he’s very boring.
I have met more interesting
doorknobs, actually.
But he’s very successful
and he wears $800 shoes.
You’re kidding?
No.
Hey, listen, I’ve
been a cop 38 years.
If there’s one thing that
I learned on the beat,
you do not trust people
who wear $800 shoes.
I’ll remember that.
Hey, Ralph, it’s OK.
It’s just the landing gear.
It’s all right.
I guess that means we’re here.
PILOT (ON SPEAKER):
Ladies and gentlemen–
Yeah, looks like it.
PILOT (ON SPEAKER):
We’re beginning
our approach into O’Hare.
The weather in Chicago
today is a crisp–
Excuse me, could I get another
one of them little hot towels?
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
I love those things.
They calm me down.
[engine roaring]
[AIRLINE PA SYSTEM
ANNOUNCEMENTS]
Excuse me, when’s the
next flight to Denver?
It’s hard to say, sir.
Denver is totally snowed in.
Sorry.
Thanks.
Careful, careful, careful.
Oh, you OK?
Yeah, thank you.
Actually, he’s just
in bathroom, Jen.
You must be Brian.
How you doing, pal?
I’m sorry– do
we know each other?
Oh, you know what–
Hey, gorgeous.
Uncle Ralph!
How you doing?
You still taking
them beauty pills, huh?
Get over here you.
Oh, stop.
So naughty or nice?
Nice.
All right, here’s a 10 spot.
Do not spend that
all in one bar.
Uncle Ralph.
So how’d we do?
Ah, no luck.
Ah, that’s lousy.
No, it’s not a big deal.
I’ve spent a few nights
on the airport floor.
Besides, I kind of like it.
You get to meet all the
best security people.
It was really great
to meet you, Ralph.
Thank you so much
for everything.
Absolutely.
Merry Christmas, guys.
Merry Christmas.
And that is?
That is a very
good friend of mine.
– Really?
– Yes.
A very good friend.
I need a favor.
Look, I need him to stay
at the house for one night.
Excuse me?
His flight has been
canceled and no one knows–
I’m very sorry to
hear that, but no.
Oh, come on, it’s one night.
No.
Jenny, it’s Christmas.
I am not going to invite
a stranger into my house.
What if he’s some
psycho or something?
I’ve been a cop for 30 years.
You don’t think I
know the difference.
I smelled him, he’s good.
You smelled him?
Yes, I took a whiff of him.
He’s a good guy.
[laughs] No,
how about a hotel?
I don’t think he’s got
two nickels to rub together.
Oh, that’s even better.
He’s a vagrant.
No, he is a chef.
He just happens to be a little
bit of a hippie, that’s all.
He’s a chef?
You know what
his specialty is?
Turkey.
We always need a good turkey.
It’ll be our first.
Hey, that’s enough from you.
I’m telling you,
if it wasn’t for him,
I would still be at
JFK trying to figure
out what line to get in.
He got me into first class.
Oh, God.
I do not want him
sleeping on this hard floor.
Oh, God.
One night.
– One.
– Thank you.
One night.
Thank you.
Hey, you’re in.
You’re in.
Come here.
All right, trust me, this
is going to be fantastic.
All right, where are we going?
This way?
All right.
Morgan, Jennifer.
Jennifer, Morgan.
Hi.
It’s nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So you’ve been touring
Europe for a couple of years?
That is correct.
What happened, the
airport lose your luggage?
Uh, no, this is it.
That’s it?
You’ve been living out of just
that for a couple of years?
Yeah, well, I spend a
lot of time at laundromats.
Jennifer.
Hi, Rita.
Hey, you want
to come see Skip?
Sure.
Who’s Skip?
You’ll see.
A man came around looking
to put up the lights.
And I told him
you’d be interested.
Christmas Eve is only
three nights away.
And you don’t want
to be the only–
BOTH: –dark house
on Christmas eve.
Right.
There you go.
– Oh, for me?
– Yes.
Thank you.
So who’s your friend?
Oh, I don’t know.
My uncle found him
on the airport floor.
Thanks for the gift.
It’s a red-eared turtle.
Wow, you keep a
very neat room, Brian.
Organization saves time.
Well, I can’t argue
with that, I guess.
His name is Skip.
He looks really familiar.
I used to work on a turtle farm.
You did not.
I sure did, little island
off the coast of Australia.
We raised mainly starfish, but
turtles were a big sideshow.
See, look, you can tell
them by the markings.
I’m not sure, but I think
this guy’s name is Harry.
Harry?
Did you see that?
Hang on a second here.
There he is.
It is Harry.
Whoa, what are the odds
to come thousands of miles
and run into somebody you know?
Cool ring.
Yeah?
You know what that
stones made out of?
What?
Molten lava.
Wow.
Yeah, I was in Alaska
when a volcano erupted.
I had to camp out on the
side of a mountain for a week
while the smoke cleared.
Oh, Harry.
Look at that.
Wow.
[doorbell rings]
Hello.
I’m the light guy.
Oh, great.
How much?
Well, I’m gonna have to
check out the square footage.
$100.
You don’t want to be the only–
BOTH: –dark house
on Christmas Eve.
Yeah, say that
again and it’s 75.
Are we good?
Yeah.
Great, I’ll open up
the garage for you.
Hey, listen, I’m so sorry
that I put you on the floor,
but I got seniority.
Yeah, it’s not a problem.
All right.
Ralph, come here for a second.
What?
Take a look at this.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, something doesn’t
seem right about this guy.
Oh, you got a good eye.
Do we investigate?
Oh, yeah.
We disturbing you?
Hey, fellas, this
isn’t what you think?
Are you thinking that
I’m thinking that this
is what we think it is?
Oh, yeah, I definitely think
it’s what we think it is.
Yeah, we do.
[groans]
All right, you stay
here, I’ll call the cops.
Ow, my head.
[police radio chatter]
Lovely.
What is going on?
What’s happening?
The guy you hired has been
hitting the whole neighborhood.
Yeah, he’s a
garage bandit, honey.
Yeah, but Morgan
smelled him right out.
You should be a cop.
I can’t believe this,
he was stealing from me?
Hello.
Oldest trick in
the book, right?
Yeah, next time could
you get references, please.
Well, could you guys
have at least waited
until after he hung the
lights to turn him in, like,
some kind of community service?
Look, it’s not a big deal, OK?
We’ll be the only dark
house on Christmas Eve.
You don’t understand,
my neighbor
is like the Christmas
light Nazi, OK,
every house has to be all white.
Jen, I’ll hang the
lights for you, OK?
This wreath is too big.
It is not too big,
the hook is too small.
It’s like 30 pounds.
You’d need a staple
gun and duct tape.
Can you please
give me the wreath?
Thank you.
OK.
And close the door.
Of course.
JENNIFER (ON PHONE): Hello?
Hi, it’s me, I just wanted
to make sure you’re home.
Uh, yeah, why?
RICHARD (ON PHONE): I just
wanted to stop by for a minute.
Um, right now?
RICHARD (ON PHONE):
In a little while.
I’ve got something
to run past you.
Uh, yeah, I’m kind
of busy right now.
RICHARD (ON PHONE):
Well, I won’t stay long.
See you soon.
[sighs]
Oh, wow.
All right, here you go.
Your niece seems like
a very bright woman.
Oh, are you kidding?
Ivy League, MBA, all
the way, oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, how’d she
let a guy that looks
like that into her garage.
Because in business,
she is an Einstein.
When it comes to
life, she is dumber
than a bag of barber hair.
[laughs]
You should have seen
her first husband.
Yeah, what’s he like?
Well, between you and
me, a waste of skin.
Left a month after
Brian was born.
Real class act, huh?
Yeah, can you believe it?
And then the guy that
she’s going with now,
you know, Richard the jeweler.
Yeah, I know, I know,
expensive shoes, right?
Yeah, the prince
of shiny shoes.
But I’ll tell you
something, she was
a weird little girl the whole
entire time I’ve known her.
Used to make lists all the time.
What do you mean?
What kind of lists?
Barbie’s clothes,
what am I going
to do next year, what am I
going to do 57 years from now.
Ah!
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, relax!
Whoa!
[gasps]
Will you lean forward?
Be careful.
(ANGRILY) What do
you think you’re doing?
I’m putting up the lights.
Right.
Well, I’m sorry,
I just thought–
– It’s OK.
– Whatever.
Are you OK?
Yeah, I’m good.
Honestly.
Is she naked?
No, no.
I told you, this
girl is weird.
Uncle Ralph?
Mm-hm?
Uh, Richard is coming over.
Mm.
So this, mm-hm,
could be a bit awkward.
Why?
I’m chaperoning.
Yes, I know, but I just
don’t want to have to–
Oh, are you telling
me he’s jealous?
No, not because he’s jealous.
Because I don’t want to have
to get into details about–
look, could you just do me
a favor and keep him out.
I could.
Could?
I will.
You’re a giver.
[laughs]
[doorbell rings]
Hello.
Hey.
JENNIFER: How are you?
RICHARD: Good, how are you?
JENNIFER: Come on in.
You remember Uncle Ralph.
Ralph.
RALPH: Nice to see you.
RICHARD: Nice to see you.
RALPH: Yeah, it’s been a long
time since we saw each other.
Oh, now, that’s a pair
and a half of shoes.
Thank you.
So how was the flight?
Oh, it was great,
first class, you know.
They give you those
hot towels for free.
That’s what first–
excuse me, I have to take this.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah?
No, look, I told you we’ve
got to move on this ASAP.
If he can’t deal with
it, then fire him.
He’s gonna be on the
phone your whole life.
Stop it.
I’m just saying.
Uncle Ralph, be nice.
Yeah.
Sorry about that, I’m
opening a new store.
I have to get some things
straightened out before the end
of the year, tax purposes.
Of course.
So how’s retirement?
Miss being a cop?
You know, not really.
But I just missed
the bribes, actually.
I’m sorry, did you say bribes?
Yeah, nothing
big, nothing big.
You know, like gambling,
speeding tickets,
they were hot, stuff like that.
Really?
Weren’t you ever afraid
of getting caught?
He’s kidding, Richard.
Aren’t you, Uncle Ralph?
Yeah, yeah, I’m a big kidder.
I’m a big kidder.
But let me just say from
the bottom of my heart,
I am in awe of those shoes.
Well, thanks again, Ralph.
You bet.
Oh, Jen, I wanted
to run this by you.
Brian’s present.
Wow, an envelope.
Oh my– it’s a $500 gift card.
Toy World, it’s
his favorite, right?
Well, if he wants to go
somewhere else, then–
No, no, no, it’s very
generous and very thoughtful.
But you know, you
could have just
gotten him any kind of toy.
Well, that’s just it, I wasn’t
sure so thought gift card.
Don’t mind me, just
grabbing some coffee.
You know, I think I’m
just going to show Mr.
Light Guy where the coffee is.
Look, what I was
saying was, it’s
just that, you know,
for kids, sometimes
they actually like to
have something to play
with on Christmas morning.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, sure, you know,
I’ll just call my assistant
and see if she can
pick something up.
No, no, it’s–
Hey, Jen, almost out of milk.
It’s fine.
It’s perfect, OK?
He’ll love it.
Sorry, I have to get this.
Yeah?
Look, I’m not gonna
tell you again.
I don’t care what he says–
I am not playing around.
I do not care if he has
to walk, he is out of here
first thing tomorrow morning.
RICHARD: OK?
Yes.
You OK?
All right, and drop.
Ah, this is what she
wants us to put together.
Oh, no.
A fake tree?
A fake silver tree?
Well, it’s got really
ugly gold things on it.
Have you never
had a real tree?
Mom said they drop needles.
They’re supposed
to drop needles.
Listen, Brian,
when I was a kid, I
used to go out with my
grandfather in the forest
for hours and hours until
we found the perfect tree
in the fresh snow, the
smell of the pine needles,
it was amazing.
Well, if you want to go,
they sell them down the street.
OK, here we go,
down the street.
OK, come on, which one of you
guys is really, really moist.
Fancy meeting you here.
Hello, Rita.
Frozen turkey?
They’re disgusting,
aren’t they?
Can you imagine?
Who would serve
them to a family?
Oh, you are so right.
Free range, I think
they’re aisle six.
Exactly.
(QUIETLY) I hope you
choke on your eggnog.
Not exactly a
pristine forest, is it?
Well, it’s certainly better
than that other tree she’s got.
That looks like it
should be in Vegas.
You never did this
when you were a kid?
Went out and cut down a tree?
Hey, this personage
is from Brooklyn.
Guys, look, I found it.
Well, let’s go see it.
Oh, yeah, this is it.
Isn’t it great?
This is– Yes, it is.
You’ve got a great eye.
– OK, well, listen, I got this.
– Huh?
– I got this.
– Oh, no, no, no.
This is my family.
Ralph, this is my idea.
Just because I sleep
on the airport floor
now and again doesn’t
mean I’m destitute.
All right, this one time.
Deal.
Hey, Morgan, thanks.
Yeah, you got it, pal.
All right, this is the one.
All right,
where’s the cashier?
Let’s go pay for this sucker.
Hi.
Hello.
Oh, look at this.
Morgan made lunch.
It is so fancy.
You got your tuna
steak, vegetables.
I think he made one for
you, it’s over there.
Mm, thanks.
I’m not really hungry right now.
What is that smell?
I believe that is
a Christmas tree.
Uh, It’s real with
needles and sap.
And where is my tree?
Mom, did you see the tree?
Isn’t it great?
I picked it out.
And Morgan bought it.
I think the tree is very nice.
Of course, I already had a tree.
Yeah, but that one was silver
with lame little gold pieces
all over it.
– It was like a train wreck.
– It was awful.
You know what?
She’s gonna get used
to it, trust me.
This is fabulous.
[knocking]
Morgan?
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry, I knocked
but you were–
well, I just thought I
would bring you some towels.
Yeah, I’ve got some.
Yes, I can see that.
Imagine how embarrassing
it’d be if I didn’t.
Yes, I can imagine
that would be–
Imagine?
No, not that I am
imagining, I’m just saying
I’m gonna take the
towels with me.
OK.
Um, can you do me a favor?
So Brian’s dad won’t
even call him at Christmas?
Oh, highly doubtful.
Wow, sounds like a real jerk.
You’ve never made a mistake
in a relationship, I take it?
Well, constantly,
but I never marry them.
Oh, bravo for you.
So why don’t you tell
me about your friend
that you’re going into
business with in Denver.
Just a friend.
Does she have a name?
Morning Mist.
[chuckles] What?
Morning Mist?
Are you kidding me?
Look, it’s not her fault.
Her parents were just,
you know, a little.
– What?
Crazy?
Look, have I said
anything about Richard?
What is there to
say about Richard?
He’s bright.
He’s charming.
He’s very good looking.
Well, maybe I should date him.
He’s very successful
and well organized.
Whoa, there’s something
to stoke the passion, huh?
Stop it.
Wait, wait, when you
open up his closet,
all his shirts are
organized by color, right?
Oh, I knew it.
I knew it, had to be.
Let’s just get the turkey, OK?
NEWS ANCHOR (ON
TV): The cold front
that’s moved into
the Rockies two
days ago has been
causing headaches
for some holiday travelers.
Here’s Joanna Dabro
reporting from Denver.
NEWS REPORTER (ON TV):
Still bad out west
with heavy snow and ice.
The Denver Airport is not
expected to open until at least
some time tomorrow.
Travelers settling in for
a long, winter’s night.
Brrr, I’m cold just
thinking about it.
Back to you.
Thank you, Em,
for that report.
Try to stay warm.
God, this place is terrific.
I told you.
And how did you
find out about it?
Because I live here and I
never even knew it existed.
I like to read about food.
Oh, that’s right.
The restaurant with
Morning Dust, Morning Dew.
[laughs]
I’m sorry, but she
has a very funny name.
Yeah, all right.
So why don’t you tell
me about your location?
Is there a lot of traffic?
Parking good?
Don’t have one yet.
Don’t have one?
What kind of cuisine?
Not sure.
Really?
Are you well capitalized?
You know, you are a
little bit tilted here, so–
Avoiding.
So the restaurant
thing, it’s, uh–
I wish more women wore hats.
You know, some women can’t wear
hats and someone women can’t.
But you definitely
can wear hats.
Thank you.
Can we please go back to
talking about your business?
Only if we must.
I have to be honest with you.
The whole thing is
sounding a bit vague.
Hey, Jen, guess what?
My whole life’s a bit vague.
You don’t want to talk
about this at all, do you?
No.
No, I didn’t think so.
Look, there’s a great bakery I
read about just up the street.
We got the turkey.
Yes, we did.
You don’t even read them?
I know who they’re from.
OK.
RALPH: Jen, get in here.
Coming, Uncle Ralph.
What’s up, Uncle Ralph?
Look at this.
Denver is still snowed in.
NEWS REPORTER (ON TV):
Travellers settling
in for a long winter’s night.
Brrr, I’m cold just
thinking about it.
What happens if his plane
doesn’t take off tomorrow?
We said one night.
You would kick him
out on Christmas Eve?
Don’t start with me, honestly.
[doorbell rings]
I’m watching you.
You are evil.
Hi, Jen, can I
show you something?
Uh, OK.
It’s red.
Huh, yes it is.
Yeah, I brought
you a white one.
Oh, wow, that is so thoughtful
of you, but no, thanks.
It’s an old Portuguese
tradition based
on the legend of
the one red candle,
which obviously I’m
sure you remember.
It brings good luck.
You know, we have an extra one
in here, if you’re interested.
Merry Christmas.
There’s no such thing as the
legend of the one red candle,
is there?
Well, I’m sure
there is somewhere.
But you put the bulb
in on purpose, right?
Yeah, yeah.
And you know
that that is going
to drive her absolutely nuts.
I had the general idea, yes.
Thanks.
My pleasure.
[music playing]
[snoring]
Whoa, that is a lot of
Christmas for this room.
Wow.
Hey.
Hey.
I was wondering how long
you were going to be
able to deal with the snoring.
Well, I’ve heard worse.
Wow, a lot of friends.
You really know
all these people?
Of course.
Who is Edmund Cole?
He is Edmund is–
uh, you know, look,
it’s a business thing, OK?
You wouldn’t know him if he
walked in this room right now.
Excuse me.
Let me see that for a second.
What are you doing?
Simplifying.
Bernard Coletti.
Can you please go
and sleep on the couch?
Who is Bernard Coletti?
He’s on the list, OK?
He sends me a Christmas card.
Which you throw in the trash.
I mean, what do you think
he’s doing to yours, Jen?
I mean, look at you,
you’re killing yourself.
And for what?
You know what?
I’m going to bed.
Look, I know it’s
none of my business.
Bingo.
But you’re doing
Christmas all wrong.
Look, you remember
when you were a kid
and you waited for it all year.
And it wasn’t just
the presents, it
was the fact that, I
don’t know, everyone
just seems a little nicer.
And the silly little
traditions that meant so much.
Now everyone just blows
it out of proportion.
It’s all stressed out and angry.
I mean, every year
I hear someone say,
I can’t wait for
Christmas to be over.
For me, the saddest day of
the year is December 26th.
Are you through?
Yes.
You know, it must be wonderful
to have no responsibilities
and just flip from country
to country, job to job.
To be honest, you know, there’s
a part of me that envies that.
But I have a little boy
upstairs and a house and a job.
And, OK, yes, maybe I
overdo things a little bit.
But you know what?
That is my business.
And I really do not appreciate
getting a lecture from you
in my house at
1:30 in the morning
about what I’m doing wrong.
You are absolutely right.
That was uncalled
for and it was rude.
I mean, if it wasn’t
for you, I’d be
sleeping on the airport floor.
I’m sorry.
Really, I am.
Thank you.
Good night.
Night.
Ah!
What happened?
You OK?
I sat on your nut cracker.
[laughs]
What?
Serves you right.
You should be more careful.
Boy, oh boy, oh boy.
[gasps]
[gasps]
That’s what happens
when you buy frozen.
Richard, she can’t
even make a turkey.
Oh, boy, oh boy.
My mother and father are
going to be so disappointed.
Ho, ho, ho.
You messed up
Christmas, Jennifer.
I’m taking back
all the presents.
[screaming]
Mm, it smells so good.
Morgan made pancakes.
Wait until you try these.
Now the secret is to leave the
batter just a little lumpy.
If you whip it too
smooth, it loses texture.
We’re almost out of eggs.
Huh?
That’s good.
I could make these for
you if you want me to.
[laughing]
Why is that so funny?
NEWS ANCHOR (ON
TV): The cold front
that moved into the
Rockies two days ago
has been causing headaches
for some holiday travelers.
Hey, Jen, you
wanted the weather?
Yes.
Here it is.
What is the weather
like in Denver?
Snow and ice,
the Denver airport
not expected to open until
at least some time tomorrow.
Travellers settling in
for a long winter’s night.
Brrr, I’m cold just
thinking about it.
Wait a minute, she did that
same stupid joke yesterday.
And was in the same dress.
Hm.
What are you trying to do?
Hm?
– Me?
Yes, you.
Wow, I bet he makes
a great turkey.
I can make my
own stupid turkey.
Listen, Ralph, he’s
not a bad guy, OK?
But this happens to
be maybe the most
important Christmas of my life.
I can not have some total
stranger sleeping at my house.
Good news for folks in
Denver who are digging
out from two feet of snow.
Denver International
Airport has reopened
for holiday travellers–
– Whoops.
NEWS REPORTER (ON TV):
–who have been stranded.
These folks have been
stuck here for two days.
Thank you.
So can I bum a
ride to the airport?
Does he really have to go?
Yes, honey, he has people that
are expecting him in Denver.
I’m sure he wants to be
with them for Christmas.
Hey, Brian.
It was really great to meet you.
You too.
Sorry, I don’t have
Christmas present for you.
Well, the tree
was pretty cool.
Done.
Just don’t let your mom
overdecorate it, OK?
I want to see a
little bit of green.
Hey.
All right, big boy.
Be very safe.
Have a great trip, great trip.
Thank you so much
for everything.
What?
Nothing.
I’m not looking at anything.
Come on, Brian.
OK, listen.
You need to preheat
the oven to 450.
Right, 450.
And then you can wrap
the bird in tinfoil.
I got it.
Oh, no.
Are you OK?
My passport.
I can’t find my passport.
We don’t have time to
go back to the house.
This is the last
flight to Denver today.
Sorry, sir, but without some
sort of government issued ID,
we can’t let you on.
Don’t you have a
driver’s license?
Yeah, when I was 18.
What’s your permanent address?
You know what, that’s actually
kind up in the air right now.
He makes pancakes,
does that help?
Nothing I can do.
Look, it’s got
to be at the house.
Let’s go.
Please help me, OK?
It’s Christmas Eve.
I have got to get this
guy out of my house.
Why?
Unbelievable.
Look, I’m really sorry
about the passport.
I don’t know what happened.
I mean, it must have
fallen out of my coat.
I just have a lot
to do today, you know.
I haven’t wrapped
the presents yet.
[gasps] Brian’s bike.
I have to be there before noon.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
It’s OK, just relax.
Relax?
Are you kidding me?
This is– this is the
only thing he asked for.
He doesn’t even believe
in Santa Claus as it is.
If there is not a Rocket
Wheel underneath the tree–
I just can’t believe
I let this happen.
It’s OK.
We’re gonna get him the bike.
How are we gonna
get him the bike?
The store is closed.
It is totally and
completely closed, OK?
It’s Christmas tomorrow.
And it’s not–
– Jen.
He’s not gonna–
Jen, I promise you I
will get him that bike.
OK.
OK.
You’re not gonna
break in, are you?
That’s an option, but first
I thought we would try that.
OK, in case of emergency,
it’s definitely an emergency.
What’s the number?
JENNIFER (ON PHONE):
Ted, hi this is Jennifer.
I’m at the store.
I’m here for the bike.
Yeah?
Sorry, lady.
What do you mean, sorry, lady?
I already paid for it.
Too bad.
It’s Christmas.
Ooh, guess what?
I hate Christmas.
Can’t wait till it’s over.
He hung up.
This is the only
thing he wanted.
OK, look, just go hide
across the street in the alley.
What?
Why?
Because this place has
an alarm, a cheap one.
I used to install them.
Was that before or
after the turtle farm?
Just go hide
across the street.
I am not going to
jail on Christmas Eve.
Do you want the bike or no?
Oh, God.
What are you gonna do?
Go, go.
[alarm ringing]
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
Move over.
Move over.
I can’t there’s
no room, unless you
want to climb on top of me.
Don’t.
And what are we
supposed to do now?
Just wait, patiently.
This is so not part
of my plan today.
Oh, yeah?
Throw off your
whole list, did it?
Sorry.
Now what?
OK, just wait.
There you are in
a couple of years.
I don’t have tattoos.
Do you have any idea what
percentage of restaurants
fail within the first 18 months?
Do we really have to
discuss my future right
beside the garbage bins?
The symbolism is a bit much.
I’m just saying,
I really don’t
think you have any idea what
you’re getting yourself into.
I mean, does what’s her name
even have any experience?
Yeah, not that
kind of experience.
Oh, sorry.
Granted, I don’t know
the Denver markets.
But I’m just saying,
startup costs alone–
Something will work out.
Something will work out?
Oh, there’s a
business plan for you.
Something will work out.
Hi there, officer.
Sorry you had to come down here.
Look, I’m not going
to stomp on your dreams.
I’m sorry.
You know, I hope everything
works out for you, I do.
Thanks for coming in.
It’s just that I
analyze corporations.
And all I’m saying
is, I’m good at it.
And this restaurant
thing of yours I
could hardly recommend
to investors.
Come on, we’re on.
What?
Come on, come on, come on.
Um, slow.
Hello, cars, ice, heels.
Hey, listen,
since you’re here,
why don’t you just
give us the bike?
I should have
known it was you.
Forget it.
Hey, open the door, give
us the bike, and you can go.
Just forget about it, Morgan.
It’s fine
Hey, you and me in the alley.
I win, you give us the bike.
You win, you get the
bike and the money.
You got a deal.
Good.
It is not even your money.
I can’t believe this.
All right, let’s go.
Come on.
– Are you ready for this?
– Oh, yeah.
– Are you ready?
– Yeah.
Is this really necessary?
I got this.
What are you, one of those
black belt guys or something.
Oh, you’re gonna find out.
[laughs]
Do you mind?
It’s kind of a custom?
Oh no, I don’t mind.
Here’s your bow.
I had to do it.
He’s bigger than me.
Go, go, go, go.
Go, go, go, go.
That was amazing.
Ow.
OK, well, why don’t we
hide this in the garage?
Yeah, perfect.
Cool.
Listen I just want
to say thank you.
I really– I don’t know
what I would have done.
And despite the fact that this
was definitely not on my list
today, um, I had fun.
Wow.
You know, I think that is
actually the first time
I have seen you smile.
Hey, I smile.
I do, I smile a lot.
You’re just, you know,
catching me at kind of a–
a tough time.
OK, well when’s a good time?
December 26.
Oh.
I know, I know, it’s
your least favorite day.
But I guess I’m just Scrooge.
Oh, well, you are
definitely not Scrooge.
You just, you need to
learn how to do Christmas.
OK, well, let’s get
this in the garage then.
OK.
Does this passport
look familiar?
You lifted it, didn’t you?
Are you accusing your uncle?
Yes, I am.
And surprisingly, the words are
rolling right off my tongue.
Do you have any witnesses?
What are you doing?
Why would you do this?
I just thought that this guy
Morgan was really good for you,
as a matter of fact.
And I can tell
that he likes you.
What are we in seventh grade?
Now, look, Jenny, you
have always been, what
is the word I’m looking for–
Easy.
A very cautious girl, right?
And Richard is a
very safe, nice bet.
And I’m saying that
maybe it is time for you
to break out, to take a risk.
Look, this is crazy.
OK, he’s a virtual stranger.
And– and Richard
is a wonderful man.
He’s kind and strong and stable.
And he’s solid.
Wow, he sounds
like a bookcase.
I’m not going to mess this up.
Tomorrow, Mr. Morgan
Derby gets on an airplane
before Richard’s
parents get here.
No more games.
Promise me.
I promise.
OK.
Let me ask you a question.
It’s very, very close
to Christmas eve.
Would you like to wear
your Christmas gift?
Oh, wow.
Do you remember these?
Of course I do.
Aunt Margaret used to let
me hold them up to my ears.
I took a picture of that.
And then she would let you
put on her makeup, huh?
I still think
about her every day.
So do I, especially
at this time of year.
You know, I see a decoration,
I hear a Christmas song,
and all these memories come
rushing back, millions of them,
stuff I thought I forgot.
35 Christmases.
Are you sure you
want me to take these?
You don’t want to keep them?
Aunt Margaret would be so
happy to know you have them.
Besides, they would look
a little gauche on me.
Silly.
Thank you.
I’m gonna check ’em out.
They look so beautiful
on your ears.
Wow.
You think they’re pretty?
Oh, my goodness,
you look gorgeous.
Uncle Ralph.
Yeah.
Will you do me a favor?
What?
Just give Richard
a chance, OK?
He’s not a bad guy.
Done.
Thanks.
I just wish he would loosen
up his tighty-whities
I heard that.
OK.
Hey, careful.
You’re gonna kill yourself.
I can steady it.
You got it?
Yeah, um– you
know what, I weight
more so why don’t I hold it.
Perfect.
So what are your
Christmas Eve traditions?
Last minute shopping, I guess.
You know, it’s not too late.
I could still make some cookies.
All the great Christmas
specials are on tonight.
Um, actually, I’m going out.
Really?
Yeah, I have a dinner party.
Who has a dinner
party on Christmas Eve?
Richard’s parents.
Oh, OK.
What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, just, you know,
it’s just a generic “oh.”
Uh-huh.
It’s just a little family
thing with a couple
of business friends.
Wow.
Sounds like fun.
What do you think?
Does it look good?
Everything’s great.
Um, great, well, then I should
probably go and get ready.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
Thank you.
RALPH: Have a good time.
Will do.
So how do I look?
Wow.
You look lovely.
Thank you, so do you.
Not lovely, whatever
the male equivalent is.
You look really good.
Yeah, well, Christmas Eve
I thought I should, you know,
dress up a little.
Listen, Jen, this has been
one of the best Christmases
I’ve had in a really long time.
I guess I forgot how nice it
was to be around a family.
I just wanted to say thank you.
No, I should thank you.
You’re not nearly as obnoxious
as I thought you were.
[laughing]
Yeah, I kind of
grow on people.
I wish you didn’t have
to go out tonight.
Yeah, well, you know, plans.
Right, plans.
[knocking]
You know, I can hide in my room.
No, no, no.
Of course not.
This is my house.
And you are my guest.
[knocking]
Coming.
Hi.
Hey, uh, your wreath fell.
JENNIFER: You can just
set it right there.
RICHARD: Wow, you
look beautiful.
JENNIFER: Thank you.
Richard, Morgan.
Morgan, Richard.
Good night, boys.
I won’t be late.
RALPH: Goodnight.
BRIAN: Goodnight, mom.
Aren’t you the lighting guy?
At that point in
history, yes, yeah.
But no, no, I’m just a
friend of the family’s.
Right.
Well, we should go.
Yes.
Good night.
Good night.
Thank you.
You’re just gonna
let this guy move in?
He’s a friend of my uncle’s.
What was I supposed to do?
Is he gonna be
here tomorrow night?
Because my parents might find
this a bit odd, you know?
Look, he’s on
standby for a plane.
If he doesn’t make it,
then your parents are just
gonna have to deal with it.
[chatter]
I’m glad you’re
taking it seriously.
Mother, father.
Oh.
Darlings.
Oh, I’m looking forward to
that turkey tomorrow, Jen.
Yes, so am I.
You’re looking lovely.
Thank you, you as well.
Did Richard give
you those earrings?
Oh, no, actually,
these belong to–
They’re very
retro, aren’t they?
Well, I’m sure he can
do something with them.
Let’s get a drink.
I call.
All right, read ’em
and weep, two eights.
Ah, jacks and threes.
Full house.
I’m getting really sad
that I taught you this game.
What do you keep
staring at in there?
What’s going on?
Well, I really want
to believe in Santa,
but the whole thing’s
hard to believe.
Like, he comes down
the chimney, right?
Right.
OK.
But what if
there’s a fire going?
Well.
Then he has a
fire extinguisher
attached to his sleigh.
Well, some of the
older boys at school
that Santa Claus wasn’t real.
And I just really want to
believe in him and all,
but the whole thing
is sort of impossible.
Hey, Brian, will you
do me a huge favor?
Just relax.
I mean, it’s Christmas
and you’re a kid.
This is the greatest
night of the year.
Greatest.
I’ll tell you what.
Let’s stop playing
cards, you go upstairs,
you brush your pearly
whites, put on some PJs.
And we’ll do something else.
How about we watch “Rudolph?”
Great idea.
I myself will have a red nose
by the time you come down.
He’s very serious, isn’t he?
Yeah, well, he’s
like his mother.
Say Ralph, are you in if we
play a little con on the kid?
Keep talking.
Well, I’m gonna go outside.
Mm-hm.
And that’s what happened.
Come on, Uncle Ralph, just
one more Christmas story.
All right, real or fantasy.
Real.
OK all right, here it is.
Here it is.
I used to arrest this guy
named Chichi Borelli, right?
This guy used to dress up as an
elf, if you could believe it,
and he would like
rob liquor stores.
And he was tubby.
He was a tubby elf.
I’m not kidding.
And every time he would run
down the same subway station,
run down the stairs in
his pointy little shoes,
get on that train, and
the door would close.
[bells jingling]
What was that?
Sh, I think he’s here.
If he thinks you’re
not sleeping,
he’s gonna skip the joint.
[thumping]
What was that noise?
That is a very big elf.
Turn over.
Turn over.
No, no, no, no.
Sh, sh, sh.
Don’t say anything.
I think he’s here.
Turn around.
Go to sleep.
Don’t get out of that bed.
Ho, ho, what you’re gonna
get in the morning, huh?
[groans] Oh!
[grunting]
Oh.
I hear him coming.
Oh my goodness.
Get in here.
Did he buy it?
Yeah, hook line, and sinker.
How are you?
Oh, I’m not too good.
OK, I’m gonna go
get you a heating pad.
OK.
Hey, get me some of
your special eggnog.
Yeah, I will.
I will.
I’m all for
opening new stores,
but you have to be very
careful about location.
I remember when we decided
to expand the business,
there were a lot of
intangibles that I
didn’t take into consideration.
You have to be aware of
the surrounding market.
Hey, you OK?
Mm-hm.
You all right?
Are you good?
Yeah.
You gotta stop him or
he’ll talk forever.
Ladies and gentlemen, if I
could have your attention
for a moment, please.
Father, sorry for
interrupting your story.
Now that we’re all gathered
here, family and friends,
I have an announcement to make.
Jennifer, will you marry me?
WOMAN: Oh, isn’t that romantic?
[coughing]
[applause]
I’d like to propose a toast.
Hi.
Hey.
Is Brian already asleep?
Sort of.
You might want to check on him.
Good night.
I’ll call you tomorrow, OK?
OK.
Morgan, I’d like to talk
to you for a minute.
OK.
Jen and I were
engaged tonight.
Wow.
Um, congratulations.
Thank you.
That being the case, and
I don’t want to be rude,
tomorrow, we’d
like to celebrate.
And it might be a little
awkward if you’re still around.
So what I’d like to do is offer
you a hotel room of your choice
at the airport until you leave.
On me, of course.
Christmas present.
Well, do you mind
if I speak to Jen?
No, please.
BRIAN: Ralph was telling
me Christmas stories.
Then we heard a big
bang on the roof.
Yeah?
And then we heard bells.
Bells?
Oh my gosh!
What kind of bells?
What did it sound like?
Morgan, I was
just telling mom–
I know.
I know.
Don’t let me interrupt.
I just wanted to say good night.
Good night.
Good night.
We’ll see you in the morning.
Yeah.
JENNIFER: So what
was that moment like?
You know what?
You don’t need to
get me a hotel room.
It’s Christmas Eve.
I’ll have my pick of
spots at the airport.
It’s really no problem.
I can write it off.
Yeah.
You got all your stuff?
That’s it.
Mom!
Wake up!
It’s Christmas.
Get up.
Get up.
– I’m up.
I’m up.
Merry Christmas, little one.
He brought it, mom!
Santa Claus brought it.
He brought the Rocket Wheel.
Of course he did.
He’s Santa.
Oh my gosh, it’s so cool.
I don’t smell
any coffee, Morgan.
Morgan?
All right, what’s
all the yelling
here this Christmas morning?
Huh?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.
Where’s Morgan?
Well, he’s not upstairs.
He’s gone, mom.
He left me a ring and this.
You’ll grow into it.
Merry Christmas, Morgan.
Come here, that was nice
of him to leave that, huh?
Don’t be sad.
Come here.
That was really nice of him
to leave you a present, right?
But more importantly
on Christmas,
who else leaves you presents?
Santa.
Uh-huh.
Now let’s open these gifts.
Good idea.
Let’s see, which one
we gonna open first?
AIRLINE EMPLOYEE
(ON LOUDSPEAKER):
All passengers for
Flight 117 to Denver,
please proceed to gate 11B.
I mean, how rude
is that, honestly?
He just takes off?
No goodbye, no
thank you, nothing?
He has the classic
Peter Pan syndrome.
Good riddance.
Brian was very excited
about Santa last night, huh?
He thought he heard
something on the roof.
He heard Morgan on the roof.
That was Morgan?
Yeah.
So that thoughtless,
irresponsible guy nearly
killed himself last
night falling off
the top of your roof trying
to teach your kid that,
yes, there is a Santa Claus.
So please, do not bad mouth
him in front of me, OK?
Oh, wow, aren’t these–
these are beautiful.
– Hello.
– Hello.
Merry Christmas.
How are you?
Merry Christmas, darling.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Ralph, my parents,
Winnie, Stephen.
Oh, hello, Ralph.
Uncle Ralph, this is Brian.
– Brian, hello.
– Hi.
How are you?
The turkey smells
great, Jennifer.
Thank you.
Oh, Brian, there’s a present
for you in my jacket pocket.
I hope you like it.
Mom.
Yes?
This is for you.
No, wait, Brian, no.
That’s not for you, Jen.
That’s, uh–
It’s got my name on it.
You’re sneaky.
Would you excuse us for
just a minute, please?
Well, of course.
Thank you.
Brian, why don’t you
go up and feed Skippy.
Uncle Ralph, his name is Skip.
Yeah, right, him too.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Come on in.
– Oh, thank you, Ralph.
– Sit down, please.
Thank you.
Feel comfortable.
Jennifer, I can explain this.
I just didn’t feel it was very
appropriate for Morgan to be–
Appropriate?
To what, write a very
nice thank you note.
Because that’s what this is.
Do you want to read it?
No, I don’t want to read it.
I would never read your mail.
You’d never read my mail,
but you would steal my mail?
It’s completely inappropriate.
Do you know how
childish that is?
Uh, Richard is a jeweler.
I knew a lot of jewelers because
my beat was Brooklyn, you know?
The street was lined with
jewelers, every one of them
a thief.
I’m not calling your
son Richard a thief.
But these guys, you yawn,
boop, they steal your fillings.
JENNIFER: (ANGRILY)
This is my house.
I can have anybody
sleep here I want.
RICHARD: Yeah, Jennifer,
it’s your house.
JENNIFER: How dare you.
How dare you pull
that stunt last night.
What stunt?
How could you
propose to me in front
of a house full of strangers.
I don’t even know those people.
I thought it
would be exciting,
Jen, I mean people do it at
baseball games all the time.
Baseball games?
Those people are
idiots, Richard.
It’s Christmas Eve.
It’s supposed to be the most
beautiful night of year.
I’ve never been so
bored in all my life.
Wow, like father,
like son, huh?
Shiny shoes, you like
shiny shoes, too.
Yeah.
Very important in the
business world, I would imagine.
Well, kind of.
Mom, dad, there’s
been a change of plans.
We’re gonna head out.
What’s going on?
Wait.
Don’t forget this.
Oh, my.
Bye, Jennifer.
Mom, dad, please.
Ralph.
Richard.
What about the turkey?
It’s Christmas.
– Just go.
I don’t want to eat Chinese.
Richard said to go.
We’re not having dinner here.
RALPH: Happy holidays.
What have I done?
I cannot believe I just broke
up with Richard over a guy
who’s not even here anymore.
Well, I think the best way
to live life is to take a risk.
So why don’t you get off
your tush and go find him?
Oh right, what am
I supposed to do?
Run to the airport
on Christmas day
and hope that maybe possibly
I just happen to run into him?
Sounds good to me.
It’s crazy, Uncle Ralph.
I think it is, yeah.
So go and do it.
Really.
Mm-hm.
Right now?
Just like that.
Come here.
Listen to me, the timer is set,
the turkey comes out at 1:15.
Do not touch it.
Don’t touch it.
Thank you.
Now this is my
kind of Christmas.
AIRLINE EMPLOYEE
(ON LOUDSPEAKER):
Attention passengers on
flight 117 bound for Denver.
Boarding is now
beginning at Gate 11B.
You can’t go through security
without a boarding pass.
But I don’t actually
want to get on a plane,
I’m just trying to get
somebody else off of a plane.
OK, OK, let me
get this straight,
this is the same
guy from yesterday?
The guy you wanted
out of your house?
I know, OK, I know.
Listen, it’s
absolutely crazy, OK?
I only met the guy 48 hours ago.
JENNIFER (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
And yes, in the beginning
he was driving a completely
nuts, but he’s great.
He’s great with my son,
my uncle loves him.
My uncle doesn’t
like anyone, OK?
He’s funny.
He can cook.
He stuck it to my neighbor
which was really, really great.
He’s beautiful.
JENNIFER (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
Funny thing is,
I don’t even like Christmas.
I haven’t liked Christmas
since I was a little girl.
And when he came it just made
everything feel really special.
He just knows how to
do Christmas, you know.
I don’t even know
why I’m crying.
I barely know this person.
And I have never done anything
this crazy in my life,
I promise you.
But I just had to take the risk.
Because this might
be my only chance.
Otherwise, I may
never see him again.
And I really want to.
JENNIFER (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
Please, can you just
check for me.
His name is Morgan Derby.
He’s on the flight to Denver.
That is her.
That’s me.
She’s– She’s talking about–
here.
Excuse me, excuse me.
I gotta go.
According to this,
they already boarded.
They did?
Sorry.
Thank you.
Jen!
Ah.
Please, Uncle Ralph.
Please just one little bite.
Hey, don’t I wish, but
you know, she will kill us.
She did a great job,
you know, didn’t she?
Oh, is that beautiful.
[honking]
[MUSIC – ANDY WILLIAMS,
“IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL
TIME OF THE YEAR”]
(SINGING) Oh, it’s the
most wonderful time–
She found him!
–of the year.
There’ll be much mistletoeing
and hearts will be glowing–
Morgan!
–when loved ones are near.
Oh, hey, mister, welcome back.
It’s the most–
Hi!
–wonderful time.
Yes, the most wonderful time–
Come on, now it’s a holiday.
–oh, the most wonderful
time of the year.
[music playing]

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