Support Your Local Sheriff!

Support Your Local Sheriff!

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James Garner stars in this rollicking western spoof that has him taking on the job of a frontier town sheriff who must fend off villains (led by Walter Brennen) from every direction…all without breaking a sweat or dirtying his shiny black boots!
(PLAYING ROCK OF AGES)
We are gathered here
today to consign the mortal
remains of Millard Frymore,
or whatever his name was.
I ain’t got a lot to say
about Millard.
He rode amongst us
two days ago,
and was struck down
by whatever disease it was.
We can only hope whatever
deadly disease it was,
it wasn’t particularly
contagious.
With that in mind
I suggest we bow
our heads in prayer.
Heavenly father,
we consign
to your tender mercy,
all that remains…
Get out!
(DOG WHIMPERS)
All that remains
of one Millard Frymore,
origin unknown,
cause of death unknown,
and of concern to those
of us who have had
contact with him
during the last two days.
Millard was struck down
in what was evidently
the prime of his life.
He was took from us
so fast,
he never got to unpack
his suitcase.
HENRY: However, in as much
as we were the last
to know Millard on earth
and in so far as we were
drawn to this country
in search of a common goal,
I’m certain you’ll agree…
Pa!
What’s wrong
with you?
Look!
Have you
no reverence?
It’s gold!
What?
(WHISPERING)
Look, it’s gold.
HENRY: I’d like
to remind everyone
we’re here
to consign the remains
of Millard Frymore.
It’s gold!
Gold!
Down there,
in the grave.
Whoa!
Move this coffin away!
And have a look.
No, you don’t!
Get out
of my gold mine!
(CROWD CLAMORING)
Get out
of my gold mine!
(SOBBING) Get out
of my gold mine!
Gold! Gold! Gold!
Gold!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(GUN FIRING)
It doesn’t seem possible
that a town could get
in this condition so fast.
Lynchings, gunfights,
and that drunken revelry
going on
at Madame Orr’s House
24 hours a day.
A decent woman isn’t safe
in these streets.
Oh, I think the women
are safe enough
for the most part.
We only got a couple
that’d be of interest
to anyone…
Outside the dance hall girls
who are good
at handling themselves
in a pinch.
Or in a ticklish
situation.
Now, this may be funny
to the town council,
but we mine owners
haven’t found anything
to laugh about.
OLLY: We don’t think
it’s funny.
We don’t know
what to do.
We need a new mayor
and town council
that knows
what to do about it.
What kind of talk
is that?
We all know
the reason I’m mayor
and they’re councilmen
is because nobody else
wanted the jobs.
Don’t forget,
we’re mine owners
ourselves.
Do you enjoy giving 20%
of everything from the mines
to the Danbys?
Why would we?
Let’s do something
about it.
What? You know
the situation.
There’s us,
here in Calendar.
OLLY: There’s Galena,
where we ship our gold.
There’s the Danby ranch,
halfway between.
The road even runs
through their property.
Fine. We’ll build
the road around them.
How?
They own
that whole valley!
Besides, without 20%
they’ll rob every stage
that comes through.
We’ve got to do
something,
even bring troops in.
Troops?
Troops?
What troops?
The nearest troops
are 500 miles.
Then we’ll recruit
our own.
We can’t even recruit
dishwashers.
How will we recruit troops?
Nobody wants
to stop prospecting
to take a bath,
let alone join an army.
It happened so fast
we just ain’t had a chance
to get organized yet.
The Danbys
are taking advantage.
There goes
one of them now.
Which one is he?
Joe.
Out of the father and brothers
he’s the second toughest.
They all act
like they own
the place.
The way things
are now, they do.
It will stay that way
till we find a sheriff
that isn’t afraid.
(GUN FIRING)
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
(CLAMORING)
Whiskey.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
All right,
you all saw it,
and it was a fair fight.
He drew first.
It was self-defense.
He drew first.
Sure as anything.
It wasn’t anything
but self-defense.
It was something,
but not self-defense.
He didn’t draw first.
You did.
What do you mean?
It’s an old trick.
You did it pretty well.
Not real well,
but pretty well.
You feinted
with your left shoulder,
getting him to go
for his gun
while you were going
for yours with you right hand
at the same time.
It’s an Arizona trick,
but I’ve seen it
up north.
You calling me
a liar?
You heard every word I said,
and I didn’t call you
a liar.
I said, you feinted
with your left shoulder
while going for your gun
with your right hand.
So?
You beat him to the draw.
He’s dead
and you’re alive.
That’s the idea
of the game, isn’t it?
What’s your name?
Jason McCullough.
What’s yours?
Joe Danby,
and you better remember it.
I’ll remember it.
That’s all I’ll do
the rest of my life,
is go round
remembering your name.
(CROWD CLAMORING)
The bread
is on the table.
Thanks.
Oh! Why, you!
(SLAPS)
This one of “Emma’s tasty
home cooked meals?”
That’s it, mister.
They charge $3
for this, huh?
MAN: It’s called inflation.
Sometimes it catches you
right in between
mouthfuls.
Is there really gold
in this town?
How long did it take
to get that?
All yesterday afternoon,
good part of this morning.
Where could a man
find a place to sleep?
If you mean a room,
you can’t.
Down the street,
get a cot.
How much?
Twenty dollars.
Eight-hour shift.
Say a man wanted
to go to work
to get a stake.
How would he do it?
You don’t want a job?
No. With the prices
around here,
I’ll go broke
about 2:30 today.
Check down
at the assay office.
Hmm? Oh, thank you.
(THUDDING)
Hold it! Hold it!
Okay, go head on.
Fight!
(GUN FIRING)
(CROWD CLAMORING)
Out of my way!
Go around!
Get out of there!
I’ll kill you!
(SCUFFLING)
I’ll tell you something…
(HORSE NEIGHING)
(CLAMORING CONTINUES)
(DOG BARKING)
PRUDY: Watch where
you’re grabbing!
(DOGS BARKING)
What about you?
What about me?
Want to grab something?
Everything looks
too slippery.
What does that mean?
JASON: Oh, nothing.
You look too clean
to suit me.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
MAN1:
You’re gonna get me change.
MAN2: Give me a packet.
You the man
I talk to…
OLLY: Wait your turn.
About the job
of sheriff?
You interested
in the sheriff’s job?
Well, maybe.
What does it pay?
No sheriff lived
long enough to find out.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Why don’t you go
watch the fight?
The ladies, too.
Good fight out there.
You watch it too, Sam.
Come on!
Let’s get out.
Get moving.
Let’s go.
I’m Olly Perkins,
the mayor.
Jason McCullough.
Fred Johnson,
Henry Jackson,
Tom Devery,
three original settlers.
Fred and Henry
are from the town council
I represent
the mine owners.
Nice to meet you.
What that fellow
said ain’t true.
We’ve had
three sheriffs
the past two months.
But only two
of them got killed.
What about the other one?
He quit kind
of sudden-like.
He didn’t have
the right temperament.
What about the pay?
For the right man,
$150 a month.
With the spiraling prices
around here,
that will last
about eight days.
That includes
room and board.
Not at Emma’s Food Emporium?
At my house.
My daughter cooks.
I think it’s only
fair to tell you,
I’m only interested
in this job
on a temporary basis.
Oh?
I was on my way to Australia
when I heard about
your gold strike.
And I decided to, uh,
travel through here.
What’s in Australia?
It’s the last
frontier country.
I might do some pioneering.
I thought this
was frontier country
and we was pioneers.
Me, too.
If I take the sheriff’s job,
it’d have to be with
the understanding
that I get enough time off
to do prospecting
I came here to do
in the first place.
Well, yeah.
What about your
job qualifications?
Don’t worry about that.
If I take it,
you’ll be glad you got me.
It’s a question
of you being able
to handle it.
Olly, we can’t be choosey.
Him talking about it
shows the right attitude.
I don’t care!
I’m the mayor!
It’s my responsibility
to hire a sheriff
that’s not only
got qualifications,
but that ain’t going to get
himself killed.
HENRY: Olly,
haven’t we already…
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
There you are.
What’s your point?
An exhibition of marksmanship.
The bullet went through
the hole.
OLLY: Well, maybe it did.
It did.
You can take my word for it.
I’d like to
take your word…
Would you do it again?
Again?
If you don’t mind.
I shot your roof.
That’s all right.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I hope you didn’t
take no offense
at what I said before.
No.
Just to keep
the record straight,
a hundred and fifty
a month is fine,
but I’ve got to do
prospecting.
I’m going to Australia…
You just name your terms.
We’ll rush to meet them.
As long as everything’s
straight.
Is there some kind of badge?
You bet there is!
I’m afraid it’s bent up.
It must have saved
someone’s life.
It would have
if it weren’t for them
other bullets.
Gentlemen,
do we have a jail here?
Do we have a jail?
A brand-new one
that the whole community
built last month.
Just like
a barn raising.
Even the dance hall
girls helped.
Carried on
like crazy.
It was designed
to be escape-proof.
I think I need
to throw a couple
of people in it.
There’s only
one thing.
This jail
has everything.
Even a stove.
Only it hasn’t
got iron bars.
You’re kidding.
We sent away for them,
but they ain’t arrove yet.
It’s got
everything else.
Glass windows, brooms,
kerosene lamps…
You name it.
Just no bars
for the cells.
Right.
I’ll think of something.
Are you wanted
for anything?
Not that it matters
because we understand
how them little things
can happen.
No, I’m not wanted
for anything anywhere.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Do you realize the chance
you was taking?
He might have
took offense.
I’m the mayor!
I got responsibilities!
It had to be asked!
(CROWD CLAMORING)
(DOGS BARKING)
If I could get
some men
on this pump,
we could stop this.
Sure thing, Sheriff.
Give us a hand,
will you, men?
All right, men!
Let her go!
A little more.
(HORSE NEIGHING)
(ALL CHUCKLING)
JASON: Break it up!
Okay, cut it!
What are you doing?
Stopping a fight.
Who are you?
I’m the new sheriff.
Oh! We got
a new sheriff!
(CHUCKLING)
Let’s see if he scares
as easy as the last sheriff.
I want all you people
to quit disturbing
the peace.
Clean up this mess.
Uh… Yes, sir.
Anything else?
Your name?
Jake.
Jake, go into
the Mint saloon.
There’s a fellow
in there named Joe Danby.
You tell him
I remember his name,
he’s under arrest
for murder.
I’ll be in to pick him up
in about 20 minutes.
You talking to me?
You deaf?
You want me
to tell him
he’s under arrest?
What are you gonna do
after he kills me?
I’ll arrest him
for both murders.
Where’s the jail?
Follow me, Sheriff.
You won’t find
a better jail
for 200 miles.
If you
can find one.
Everything
seems in order.
Our last sheriff
was a good organizer.
Yellow,
but a good organizer.
We’ll be getting
the bars any day now.
That ought to do it.
That ought
to do what?
Take care of it
till the bars arrive.
My things
are at the stable.
I’d like to go
pick them up.
I have a room
for you at my house.
Shall we get on over there,
and I’ll pick up
that Danby fellow.
There’s something
you better know
about the Danbys.
Why bother
the Sheriff about that?
He wants to get settled.
Yeah, but, Fred…
We can fill him in
after he’s settled.
You coming, Mayor?
I’ll be right there.
This is a little
like murder.
I hope you know that.
It don’t mean we’ll lose
another sheriff.
Our luck is bound
to change.
What about
his luck?
(CROWD CHEERING)
Prudy?
Prudy?
Just put your things
over there.
All righty.
Prudy!
I want you to meet
my daughter.
She’s a good cook
and a fine looking girl.
Takes after
her dear departed mother.
Her mother died?
No, she just departed.
I’ll show you
the parlor.
That organ come all the way
from Dusseldorf.
Most of the furniture
was shipped
through St. Louis
and Chicago.
This is my desk
where I do my mayor work.
JASON: Very nice.
OLLY: I guess you could say
this is the finest house
in town.
Well, let me show
you the dining room.
Prudy! I want you
to meet someone!
This is the dining room.
You sure have
a nice place.
Thank you.
How about a drink?
Water, if you have some.
Water?
Sure. We’ve got a pump
inside the kitchen.
Right inside
the house?
OLLY: There’s the pump,
right there.
Before you go to arrest
Joe Danby,
couple of things
you should know.
All right.
There are four Danbys.
Father and three sons.
They’re all
pretty tough customers.
Outlaws?
Not exactly.
But in many ways,
they’re like outlaws.
How?
They do as they like.
They get nasty
when anybody interferes.
You mean you don’t want me
to arrest this boy?
No. It’s just that
it’s a new idea.
It takes a little bit
of getting used to.
I stood right there
in that saloon
and watched him gun a man down
in cold blood.
I believe you, Sheriff.
You expect it from Joe.
It wasn’t self-defense?
No.
Sometimes them things
happen so fast.
It didn’t happen
all that fast.
Look, Mr. Perkins,
you’re the mayor.
If you order me
not to arrest him,
you’re the boss.
I’ll return this badge
because that’s no way
to run things.
I agree.
I couldn’t agree
with you more.
I’ll expect all
the law-abiding citizens
to back me up.
They will, Sheriff.
Maybe not all of them
at first.
Like I told you,
I’m headed for Australia.
Do what you think
is best.
I’ll alert everybody that…
…we’re all behind you.
Don’t give it
another thought.
You don’t need help
with Joe Danby?
No. I can handle it.
Oh, good.
(BIRDS TWITTERING)
You’re the strangest girl
I ever met.
Go away.
Do you always show
this peculiar side
of your nature,
or am I just lucky
my first day in town?
I suppose
you have reasons
for sitting up there.
Ordinarily, a girl
doesn’t get undressed,
pour water over her head,
and then climb trees.
I’m warning you!
Hi, Mrs. Danvers.
What in the world…
Prudy, is this man
bothering you?
Do you know her, ma’am?
Of course.
That’s Prudy Perkins.
She lives in this house.
Does she have
any past history
of strange behavior
like this?
Why, no!
Prudy has always been
a sweet, normal, lovable…
Of course, last year…
What happened last year?
Well, wasn’t
really anything,
but at the annual town picnic,
(CHUCKLING)
she got her hair caught
in the ice cream freezer.
We ought to be merciful
and forget about this whole
unfortunate incident.
See you, ma’am.
(LAUGHING)
Sheriff, I didn’t tell Joe.
Why not?
Nobody’s paying me
to take chances like that.
You never know
how Joe will react.
Why worry about Joe?
Because he’s mean
and nasty.
He enjoys killing people.
All them Danbys
enjoy things like that.
You’re faster than Joe.
Who says so?
I’ve seen you both draw.
You’re faster.
Why should the matter
ever come up?
Jake.
How would you like
to be my deputy?
I’d hate it.
Even if I lived,
I’d hate it.
I don’t know how much
they’re paying you,
but it ain’t enough.
He’s expecting you.
Someone told him
you was coming.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
I hear you’re going
to arrest me.
You don’t look near as tough
as some of them
other sheriffs,
particularly that old boy
who lasted about
an hour and a half.
After he took the job.
Joe, you just make me feel
tired all over when you talk
like that.
What does that mean?
It’s bad enough
to have to kill a man
without having to listen
to his stupid talk first.
Remember,
I’ve seen you draw.
MAN: All right, Sheriff,
hold it.
Drop your gun belt.
(GUN FIRING)
I couldn’t let him
shoot you in the back.
Oh, you could have.
Is this the kind of town
you people want?
Is this the kind of life
you want to lead?
Three killings
in one saloon alone.
The sun hasn’t even
set yet!
Any more foolishness,
I’ll close this place.
Yes, sir.
I wouldn’t blame you.
Pick it up, Joe.
Go on, pick it up.
I’ll get you for this, Jake.
You are one tough-talking
blowhard.
You might as well
come on.
Like it or not,
we’re on the
same side now.
Come on.
Easy, boys.
Me and the Sheriff
takes a dim view
of showoffs with guns.
Remember, the Sheriff said
no more shooting
till the sun goes down.
Is that
what he said?
Close enough.
Drinks are on the house!
(ALL CHEERING)
Jake, look around
the desk there
for a deputy sheriff’s
badge.
I never said I was taking
no job as a deputy.
You’re trying
to corner me.
I’m surprised
at what’s happening
to me, too.
I was just riding
through on my way
to Australia.
Where are you going?
This is plain stupid.
You calling
the Sheriff stupid?
Do I have to listen to him?
He’s just the town character.
Was the town character.
I’m now a Deputy Sheriff,
and probably the second
fastest gun here.
Did you hear that?
Well, he probably is.
If he isn’t,
he will be after
I’ve worked with him
for a couple of days.
Come on, Joe.
Joe, the right cell
is yours.
We don’t have
any bars yet.
You’re kidding.
That’s what I said.
We’re going to operate
as if there were bars.
You stay on
that side of the line.
And everything
will be fine.
What?
In this jail,
you stay on that side
of the line
and we will just
get along fine.
You expect me
to sit in this
lousy cell…
What’s that red stuff
on the floor there?
Oh, uh…
That’s the poor fellow
that crossed the line
earlier today.
Joe, just stay there
and behave yourself.
Want something to read?
Read?
No, I guess you wouldn’t.
Sorry.
Well, I see you found
a badge.
Yeah.
Are we cleaning
up this town?
Yeah, that’s about it.
All by ourselves?
We wouldn’t refuse help.
Nobody’s going
to offer help.
You’re probably right, Jake.
Uh… How much money
am I making?
Well, let’s see.
They’re paying me
$150 a month.
Say your salary
is half that,
plus room and board,
plus ammunition
you need for the job.
Of course,
I haven’t checked
with the mayor
and town council…
They might turn me down?
No, I don’t think so.
Their attitude will likely be,
“If he’s willing
to take the job,
don’t rock the boat.”
You can bet that’s what
their attitude will be.
Ever been sheriff
of a town that needed
cleaning up?
No.
Ever been a sheriff
of any kind of town?
No, not that either.
But the mayor
thought I was qualified.
He’d think that
if you was blind
and crippled in both legs.
You’ve got
the situation pegged.
Want me to warm
some coffee?
I never turn down
a cup of coffee.
JAKE: How long you been
out west?
Four years.
JAKE: From where?
East.
I’m from Indiana.
That could be good or bad.
Uh…
Your four years out west,
what you been doing?
Mostly making
my way to Australia.
For four years?
Some take longer
than others.
What’s in Australia?
Lots of things.
You’d be surprised.
Any other questions, Jake?
Aw, I…
No, that’s all right.
I want a deputy
who’s at ease in his mind.
Well, you ain’t got one.
JAKE: You won’t get one
around here.
Why Australia?
You’d know if you ever
read a book on it.
I never seen one.
They got one
in the Chicago library.
If ever you’re there
you ought to take a look.
They got pictures.
They got little people
about like that.
They got a stick
that when they
throw it away,
it comes right back.
They got one animal
that hops and will box you
and carries things
in its tummy.
When you shot Joe’s friend
in the back,
you fired two shots.
I figured they went in
about that far apart.
Pretty sloppy shooting, Jake.
Well, I was in a hurry
to save your life.
I wasn’t trying
to group my shots.
If he’d been five
feet further away,
you’d have
missed him entirely.
I’d say that was pretty
pitiful killing, Jake.
See that bottom nail?
JAKE: Yeah.
It’s weird that anybody
could shoot like that.
It’s just practice.
How come
you’re unknown?
A shooter like you
who draws as fast as you
should have a reputation.
A reputation
just gets you killed.
You go on practicing.
I’ll put Joe back in jail.
(GUN FIRING)
Joe.
I took the bullets out.
You just won’t cooperate.
I keep laying down the rules.
You don’t pay any attention.
Wait till my pa and brothers
find out I’m here.
I’m looking forward
to meetin’ your whole family.
Come on.
I was humiliated
in front of my friends.
I doubt if you have
that many friends.
Then I have to sit in jail.
Pa will skin me alive
for getting caught.
He doesn’t mind
your murdering,
just don’t get caught?
I didn’t murder anybody,
that was self-defense.
It was him or me.
We’ll let the judge
decide that.
We do have a judge?
Never needed one
till you come.
Spoiled all your fun?
You can say that again.
Oh, that’s funny.
That’s real funny.
(HUMMING)
Got any religious convictions
against drinking, Sheriff?
Not since giving
up my parish.
I’m only kidding, Mayor.
(CHUCKLING) Oh.
What about my deputy?
Okay, but why did
you pick Jake?
Jake backed me up
when it counted.
Another man might not.
Then it might be too late.
How about a judge?
The need ain’t exactly
been felt before.
Joe said that.
But, if I can’t appoint one,
who can?
(HUMMING)
(SIGHS)
Must have been
some show at the saloon.
OLLY: Sobered up the town.
That’s good.
Maybe, maybe not.
It was fun here up till now.
Everything was wide open.
Nobody looked down
on anybody who shot
somebody else.
Nobody poking their noses
into nobody else’s business
without getting
their noses blasted off.
Now that we got
law and order,
churches will move in.
That’s usually
the next thing
that happens.
Then the women
will form committees
and havin’ bazaars.
They’ll chase Madame Orr’s
girls out
or make them
get married or worse.
But like you said,
the law is the law
and we all have
to face up to it.
When did I say that?
You know what I mean.
I was broke
when you offered me
this job.
You didn’t
have to take it.
There’s dozens
of other jobs.
Well, don’t worry.
I’m not gonna
keep it too long.
Remember,
I’m just passing through
on my way to Australia.
I’ll drink to that.
(HUMMING)
(VOCALIZING)
(SCREAMING)
What are
you doing?
You was on fire, Prudy!
Fire?
(PRUDY GROANING)
I’m sick and tired
of these stupid things
that happen to me!
Somebody better
do something
about it soon.
That’s quite a daughter
you got there, Mr. Mayor.
I think she’s crazy.
Why would
you think that?
I know what I’d think.
She’s had some
terrible shocks this year.
She got wealthy
almost overnight.
Maybe it unhinged her
a little.
Then she was always
big for her age.
Puberty hit her hard.
That’ll do it.
I didn’t know…
It will!
As a disinterested stranger,
how does she hit you?
Well…
You are disinterested,
ain’t you?
You could safely
say that.
She’s a rich
little old gal
in her own name.
She owns
the Millard Frymore
memorial mining company.
Whoever marries her
gets the mine?
Shaft and all.
That won’t hurt her
in certain circles, will it?
I’d better fry up
something to eat.
No, thank you, Mayor.
I better go relieve Jake.
This is
his first night on duty.
You’re
expecting trouble?
What do you think?
The Danbys.
You could have waited
before stirring up
that hornet’s nest.
When cleaning up a mess,
you don’t just
let it get bigger.
I guess you know
what you’re doing.
What gives you
that idea, Mayor?
Puberty.
(DOOR CLOSES)
(DOG BARKING
IN DISTANCE)
(CROWD CLAMORING)
You ain’t handling this
all by yourself,
are you, Pa?
Does it take
more than one Danby?
You are a tiger.
You’ll charge
in there and…
And what?
I didn’t mean nothing.
You ain’t got
brains enough
to mean nothing.
Go order a drink.
I’ll be back with Joe
before you can finish it.
You got one of
my children here.
How dare you
walk into my office
and pull a gun on me?
Get your finger
out of there.
How dare you!
Take your finger
out of my gun.
You better take
your finger
off that trigger.
And let the hammer
down real slow.
(BULLETS CLATTERING)
If that gun went off,
it would have blowed up
in my face.
It wouldn’t have
helped my finger.
What do you want,
Mr. Danby?
My son, Joe.
It seems Joe murdered
a man this afternoon.
I heard
it was fair gunfight.
I was right there.
Where?
In the saloon
when Joe killed him.
That was real smart of him.
I’ve been around
Joe all afternoon,
and I haven’t seen him
do one smart thing yet.
Anything else?
Can I see him?
Why didn’t you
take that approach first?
He’s right in there.
I’m obliged to you.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Hi, Pa.
What is this?
No bars in the window,
no bars in the cell.
No bars nowhere.
What’s keeping you
in here?
That guy out there.
He won’t let me
move two inches.
He lies about whether
my gun’s loaded.
What?
Are you
getting me out?
Never mind that.
Who did you kill?
I don’t know his name.
He was some bum.
Besides, he drew first.
Are you gonna believe me
or that liar out there?
Why don’t you
shut up?
It wasn’t anybody
that we know.
You said no jail
could hold a Danby.
Well, now
they built one.
Aw.
Yeah, you’ll
have to stay here
for a couple of days.
But we run this town.
I agree with
that Sheriff.
You don’t dazzle nobody
with your intelligence.
You sit tight here
till I’ve thought
this thing out.
Couldn’t you have
done it when the Sheriff
weren’t looking?
He wasn’t
the Sheriff then.
Hey, I didn’t
think of that before.
That could be a loophole
to help me get out.
Don’t you try to do
nothing about this situation.
Leave that to me
and the boys.
That’s a lousy jail.
We’re just
getting started.
(DOOR OPENS)
What’s he
supposed to be?
My deputy.
Last week
he was shoveling…
He was working
in the stable.
He’s been promoted.
What’s happened
to this town?
What did Danby want?
He just came in
and we talked.
Then he went in
to see Joe.
He came back out,
we talked more,
and then he left.
He strikes me as
being a lonely man.
Lonely? Danby?
He’s a mean, no-good,
low-down bushwhacker.
You see?
No wonder he’s lonely.
He stuck
his finger where?
Shut up.
Everybody will look.
I don’t understand.
You had your gun on him?
I ain’t
explaining it again.
I don’t have to
explain nothing.
Instead of asking
stupid questions,
why don’t you come up
with some helpful
suggestions?
Why don’t the three of us
go there together?
So what if he is
the fastest gun?
Who says
he’s the fastest?
Everybody.
They’re talking about it
all over town.
What could he do
against three of us?
Kill two of us.
You ain’t talking
like yourself, Pa.
Yeah.
You were always
chargin’ in
with us trying
to hold you back.
We ain’t
letting Joe hang?
Of course we ain’t.
Who says we gotta
take care of this sheriff?
Who says anybody
has to do it?
Why don’t we
run him off
like we did
the last sheriff?
Because this one
won’t go.
He didn’t throw a scare
into you, did he, Pa?
I didn’t mean that
the way it sounded.
I meant, what did he do?
He made me
a little more thoughtful.
We’re making
a little money
for the first time
in our lives.
And the chance
to get a lot more.
It’s a dumb time
to find out
who’s fastest with a gun.
Us or some show-off
that might be lucky,
even if he wasn’t good.
Who’ll handle him?
Some tramp
that’s good with a gun
can always be hired.
You always said
Danbys fight
their own battles.
Maybe I meant
another branch
of the family.
PA: I’m taking
a little trip tomorrow.
You two behave
yourselves.
Don’t make this
sheriff a martyr.
(CHAIR CREAKING)
What’s a martyr?
I’m sorry. They didn’t use
that word in third grade?
I didn’t get that far.
(GROANS)
You remember
when I was stuck
in the second grade?
Oh, shut up!
PRUDY: Sheriff?
Can I talk to you?
Sure, Miss Prudy.
Could we sit down?
Sure.
Well…
How can I
be of service?
What?
How can I
be of service?
What do you mean service?
I don’t
mean anything.
What do you
think I mean?
I’m just a dumb girl
from a hick town.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What?
You said
you’re a dumb girl…
I know what I said.
All I wanted
was to explain
some of those silly things
you saw me doing today.
What silly things,
Miss Prudy?
How about when
I burned my dress off?
Well, that could
happen to anyone.
How about in the mud
when I was
defending myself
from that pervert?
That’s something
that any over
stimulated girl
might get herself into.
How about in the tree,
half naked?
That one could take
a little explanation.
It was just
one of those days
when everything
seems to go wrong.
Every one of those
ridiculous things
that you saw happen
has a perfectly
simple explanation.
Not that it matters
I just thought
it was dumb
having such an at…
Attractive man
thinking I was
a hopeless loony.
Well, loony maybe,
but hopeless…
You… You think
I’m attractive?
(CHUCKLING) Well…
I don’t think
a girl would just
curl up and die
because you smiled
at her, but yes,
I think you’re attractive.
Well, Miss Prudy.
I see you’re
a young lady
who believes in
laying her cards
on the table.
What?
Laying her cards
on the table.
When a girl does that,
I think a man
should lay his cards
on the table, too.
You’re a very pretty
and attractive girl.
Any man would
be only too glad
to take you out
for a walk in the evening.
I’d feel privileged
to do just that.
However, if
you’re thinking
more seriously,
I’ll have to warn you
I’m headed for Australia.
I’m just
passing through.
Why, you conceited…
Conceited?
I’m headed for Australia.
Who cares
where you’re going?
Any girl thinking about
entering into
any permanent relationship…
I’m not thinking
of entering one of those.
What’s wrong with you?
Do you think
something is wrong?
There isn’t time
to tell you how much!
Good night!
(DOOR BANGS SHUT)
(CRASHING)
You all right,
Miss Prudy?
PRUDY:
Shut up and mind
your own business!
(CRASHING)
PRUDY: Damn, damn, damn!
OLLY: Prudy?
PRUDY: You shut up, too!
(CRASHING)
Do you see anything?
No. What are
we looking for?
We’re looking
for nuggets, veins,
the mother lode.
What’s the
mother lode?
I get the feeling
you don’t know anything
about gold mining.
Of course I don’t.
Why do you think
I brought you?
I thought
everyone around here
knew about mining.
But I don’t.
I can give you tips
about shoveling horse…
Working around
the stable.
I don’t know
nothing about
hunting gold.
Can I put
this stuff down?
No, you better not.
If there’s anything
I do know
about prospecting,
it’s you’ve got
to keep on the move.
It’s heavy.
Let me redistribute
the weight for you.
I feel like a jackass.
That ought to do it.
Come on, Jack.
Jake.
You’re a pretty
good fisherman.
This is more like it.
Like what?
Where I want
to go gold mining.
You think there’s gold
around here?
You think
there isn’t?
Joe Danby
will be miles away
when we get back.
He’s handcuffed
to a potbellied stove.
Well…
What do we do now?
Have a little lunch,
take a rest,
then you start digging.
Hey, Jake,
how should we split
whatever we find?
Sixty, forty?
Sixty for who
and 40 for who?
There, you see?
See what gold does?
We’re already
arguing about it.
Sixty for who and 40 for who?
There’s greed
in your face.
You mean 60 for you,
40 for me.
Thank you, Jake.
That’s very
generous of you.
(EXHALES)
Hey, Jake.
What did you do
before you
became my deputy?
(SIGHING)
I did odd jobs.
Like what?
A whore holder
at Madame horses…
A horse holder
at Madame Orr’s house.
A what?
Horse holder.
When the hitch rack got full,
I’d hold the extra horses.
You spend
a lot of time with horses.
One end or the other.
My daddy stole horses.
They hung him.
That’s a terrible thing
to find out about his deputy!
If you hadn’t
shoved this job
down my throat,
you might have found out
lots of things.
Want my badge back?
Don’t be silly.
You better
clean up those fish.
I’ll take a little nap.
Sure it won’t
disturb you?
No.
Just don’t rattle
the pots and pans.
(GUNS FIRING)
(MEN WHOOPING)
(HORSES WHINNYING)
You boys ride
into town more quietly.
You drove
your point home.
Good. Good.
That brightens up
the whole place.
I don’t feel so stupid
setting in here.
Tell Jake I went
to see the mayor.
Have you seen my daddy?
Not since the night
we had that little chat.
I’m sure
he’s planning a jail break.
You think so?
What else would
they be doing?
(DOG BARKING)
Where will I
find the Sheriff?
I imagine
he’s in the jail…
No, wait a minute.
There he is now
comin’ out of
the hardware store.
Much obliged.
Sheriff.
(GUN FIRES)
JASON: Anybody know
who he was?
He just rode in.
He asked me
where you was.
Thanks for
pointing me out.
Hold it a minute.
You don’t want to go
in there right now, honey.
Wait here just a minute,
then I’ll join you.
(GUN FIRING)
Honey, I think
I just been…
Did you ever
see him before?
No.
Uh, Jake.
After lunch…
(DOG BARKING)
Good afternoon, Sheriff.
No dust today.
Another one
just rode into town.
You sure?
You can’t miss
a professional gunfighter.
He’s got a look
about him like nobody else
and he’s been
asking around for you.
I’m sure getting
sick of this.
It would make
me sick, too.
Come on.
Why do they always
hit town at mealtime?
Are you going
to kill someone?
We hope it turns out
that way.
It’s a childish way for
a grown man to make a living.
Go for your gun.
You go to hell.
(DOGS BARKING)
And stay out!
If either of you
opens his stupid mouth,
I’ll chase you
right out of town.
Leave the bottle.
Now he’s done it.
Who?
That sheriff.
What’s he done?
He’s pushed me
too far this time.
I’ve been
bending over backwards.
But that’s all finished.
I’ve been
bending over backwards.
He hasn’t pushed you
into no corner
where you could be
provoked into losin’
your temper.
I’m tired of being
a nice fellow.
Pa,
you been touching up
your hair again?
Again?
It just looks
better in spots.
What do you mean spots?
Nothing.
What’s next, Pa?
Get Joe out of jail.
How?
Leave that to me.
I got it figured out.
We’ll do it tonight.
Get ready.
This will happen
awful fast.
Pa.
Huh?
Nothing.
It’s all right.
When I yell go,
we all go together.
And use your spurs.
Ready? Ah-ha!
(HORSES NEIGHING)
Now he’s really
done it!
Who?
That sheriff!
I knew it
wouldn’t work.
PA: Why not?
They set these
bars in too solid.
How do you know?
I helped set them.
Look, round up
the horses.
Ride over
to Uncle Milt’s.
Bring Steve, George,
and young Milt.
And Tom, you ride out
to Uncle Ira’s.
Tell him to bring
Billy, Jack,
and anyone else
he can think to bring.
No more
foolin’ around.
That’s a two-day ride
to Uncle Ira’s.
I know how far it is!
Go pick up some grub.
We’ll meet
at the ranch Friday.
If they don’t
want to come,
remind them that
I’m helping them
to pay their mortgages.
Get going!
You helped
put on them bars?
I didn’t have
nothing else to do.
And they was gonna
put them anyway.
They will
hang you anyway.
Pa, I don’t think
they’ll hang me.
They laugh about it,
but I don’t think
they’ll really do it.
You’ll see…
JAKE: Don’t move.
What’s going on here?
That’s all I need,
some stable bum
ordering me around.
I’m taking
my saddle with me.
It ain’t mine,
so go ahead.
In a few days,
I’ll take care of you.
Were they trying
to bust you out?
Yeah.
Pa’s got a heart
as big as the outdoors,
but he don’t have
one brain in his
poor old head.
May I compliment you
on such a romantic idea,
Miss Prudy?
There’s nothing
romantic about it.
Nothing romantic
about a ride on
a warm afternoon?
You think
what you want.
But you’d
do that anyway.
You’ve gotten
to know me
in such a short time.
Would you like
to talk a minute?
All right.
Light yourself up
a cigar, Sheriff.
Thank you,
Miss Prudy.
I believe I will.
Was there
anything in particular
that you want
to talk to me about?
Well, in case
you didn’t know,
Milt Danby
is rounding up
his two brothers
and all their sons.
They’re going
to ride into town.
They’re gonna take care
of you and Jake
and get Joe out of jail.
I heard about that.
We’ve been
trying to remember.
We think there are
three grown boys
in Ira’s family
and two in Milt’s family.
With the three Danbys here
and Joe in jail,
that makes about 11.
Plus some hired hands.
That’s about the figure
I arrived at, too, 10 or 12.
Or 14 or 15 maybe.
It’s quite a few.
Almost a mob,
you might say.
Have you figured
what you’ll do?
More or less.
What?
I thought
I might leave town.
Get out of town
before they ride in.
Just keep on going.
I don’t believe it.
Why not?
I’ve never made
any secret of the fact
that I’m on my way
to Australia.
I don’t think I’ll find
a better time to get
started than right now.
Besides,
I don’t like the odds.
I just don’t
believe it.
You better believe it.
Before too many hours,
you’ll look up
and I’ll be gone.
That’s one of the most
mature things
I’ve ever heard
of a man doing.
You think it’s what?
Mature.
Any other man
would stick around
to prove he’s a man
and get a whole town
shot up.
Mature?
Mature, as opposed
to childish.
You don’t think
it sounded cowardly?
I mean, I take a job and then
when the going gets rough,
I sneak out
in the dead of night.
You didn’t say
the day or night.
But the point is
didn’t it sound
a little cowardly to you?
No, it sounds mature.
It sounded
a little cowardly
to me just now.
It’s mature.
I know it’s cowardly
because I’ve never done
a cowardly thing in my life,
no matter what you think.
I didn’t…
It isn’t mature.
It is cowardly.
Let’s just call
things by their name.
What is the matter?
I’m surprised
you’re throwing
yourself at a man
you think is a coward.
Go back to town.
(STUTTERING)
What do you mean
throwing myself at you?
Did you really
think I’d run?
That’s what
you just said.
I’m not going to,
so you just
forget about it.
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
All right.
Order! Order!
You heard the motion.
Those in favor,
raise your hands.
Count, Henry.
One, two, three, four…
Five.
Now,
those in favor
of not getting involved
in this crisis
about to befall
our fair community.
Keeping the hell
off the streets
till the shooting is over,
raise your hands.
OLLY: Count ’em, Henry.
Five, 10, 15…
I think
we passed the motion.
Order!
Enter it in the books
that the majority has ruled
and as your mayor…
(GUN FIRING)
I object!
Get that gun
away from her.
(GROANS)
You can’t do this.
Shut up
and sit down.
This is a meeting
of the town council,
with certain
prominent citizens.
You can’t walk in
and insult everyone.
I have one question.
Will you
help the Sheriff
against the Danbys?
It’s not
as simple as that.
Why not?
There are economic factors
to consider.
It could affect
the whole town.
I heard the Sheriff
is leaving town.
Yes, and the Sheriff’s head
sets squarely
on his shoulders.
Now he’s not
leaving town.
I want to know
who caused him
to change his mind.
Me too.
That man had
a good idea.
What is the matter with you?
We waited so long
for a man who would
stand up to the Danbys.
Do you remember
what this town was like
before the Sheriff?
Murdering, lynching,
miners shooting up the town.
Aside from
the few things
you mentioned,
it wasn’t a bad place.
The misunderstandings
with the Danbys
could be worked out.
What about Joe Danby’s
murder charge?
That would solve itself
if the Sheriff left town.
I said it before
and I’ll say it again,
the men in this town
are nothing but a bunch of
miserable, cowardly curs.
As your father,
I have to take that.
But as the mayor
of this town,
I sure as hell don’t.
Throw her out, boys!
And don’t be too
gentle with her.
Don’t let her tie
herself to the post!
It’s a trick of hers,
tying herself to things.
Death to all tyrants!
What did she say?
She said death
to somebody or other.
She always says death
to somebody she’s mad at.
Order! Order!
Forget about
getting help
from this town,
or from anybody
for 100 miles around.
That’s just
about everybody.
They can throw girls
out of meetings
but they can’t
defend their own town
against a bunch
of cutthroats.
What are we
going to do now?
We?
Don’t turn down help.
How is Joe?
He figures
he’ll be out soon.
Did he seem sorry
that we might be killed?
No.
He planned
to spit on our graves.
That sounds like Joe.
Leaving town
was a good idea.
You don’t have to stay.
Yes, I do.
I took the job.
So did I.
I’ll tell you what.
I’ll go to Australia
with you if we leave now.
We’ll go to Australia,
but first we got
a few things to do.
Prudy, would you still help?
Sure.
The first thing to do
is get Joe out of here.
And what are we gonna do?
I got a couple
of ideas,
we might live
through this thing.
I sure liked
his idea about leaving.
You go in
the courthouse.
Do you know
how to use this?
Here, you’ll
need these.
Jake, are you there?
Yeah.
JASON:
You know what to do?
Oh, yeah!
(MUTTERING)
Keep out of the line of fire.
Mayor…
Can’t talk now, Sheriff.
We have
an emergency
meeting.
What’s that all about?
I won’t shoot
through the window.
(HOOVES POUNDING)
Take care of these,
my eating teeth.
I don’t want to
get them shot up.
Get Joe.
He ain’t in there.
JASON: Hold it!
You’re under arrest.
Throw down your guns
and I’ll accept
your surrender.
(GUNS FIRING)
Can’t you just
wound somebody?
I only shoot to kill.
We don’t
want a massacre.
Hold it!
Hold it!
Just hold it!
Go ahead!
Where’s Joe?
Upstairs.
Go get him.
Pa, look.
Your teeth
saved my life.
Always worrying
about yourself.
How am I supposed
to chow now?
Look!
JASON: I want you to unstrap
your gun belts
and throw
your rifles down,
or I’m going
to set this off.
(CHUCKLING)
You can’t bluff me out
with that old cannon.
It ain’t even loaded.
Shall we see?
Believe him, Pa!
Stay out of this,
you miserable coward.
What’s it going
to be, Danby?
Jake, let Joe loose.
Put the rest
of that bunch in jail.
By myself?
I’ll be
right behind you.
Were you really going
to blow him up?
That thing isn’t loaded.
I just stuck
that fake fuse in there.
See?
(EXPLOSION)
Wow!
My business!
I’ll find out
who’s responsible
for this, Madame Orr.
(COUGHING)
(SNICKERING)
Disturbing the peace,
that’s what it is.
I don’t care
if you’re cleaning up
this town.
That was
a terrible thing to do
to them poor
unfortunate girls.
I didn’t know
that thing was loaded.
I’ve never done anything
to an unfortunate girl
in my life.
Ah!
Those girls
are my friends.
(ALL CHEERING)
Who have we here?
It’s the Sheriff.
It’s the Sheriff, boys.
Everybody in the territory
knows who our sheriff is.
I guess
he’s right at that.
You’re about the most
popular citizen
we’ve got around here.
That’s nice to hear.
We’re thinking
about sending
a delegation
to Washington
to see about turning
this territory in a state.
We want you to
head that delegation.
No, no.
You want somebody
who will be here.
If you’re upset with us
about that Danby business…
We were behind you
all the way, Sheriff.
I can see it might not
have looked that way.
No, that’s not it.
I’ve never hidden the fact
that I’m going to Australia.
(ALL GROANING)
Which reminds me,
I’m going to think
about getting started again
one of these days.
(FIREWORKS EXPLODING)
Would you excuse me?
A small crisis
needs to be handled.
Jump, Miss Prudy!
Jump!
Boys, I want you
to know that
from now on when you
pick on this young lady,
you’ll be
picking on my girl.
We had no idea.
Now you know it.
Spread the word around.
Yes, sir.
What do you mean
your girl?
For once,
keep your mouth shut.
Keep out of this.
What do you mean?
You’ve had that
look in your eye
since I hit town.
Let’s have
a little agreement.
After we’re married,
no matter how many
kids we got,
when I say
we’re off to Australia,
we pack up and go.
Why would I
go to Australia?
That’s where your
husband would be.
Oh.
When you
put it that way…
Why don’t you
put me down?
Oh, I like it like this.
You want me
to walk you home?
If you want to.
Say…
Are you really
one of the richest girls
around here?
The richest.
Well, that’s nice.
That’s real nice.
Now, the way
this story ends
is that they
get married.
He becomes
governor of the state.
Never gets to Australia,
but he reads
a lot of books about it.
I get to be
Sheriff of this town,
and become one of
the most beloved characters
in western folklore.

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