Merry In-Laws

Raised by an astrophysicist father and psychologist mother, ALEX SMITH was taught the “realities” of life from a very young age. Doing what they felt was best, her parents crushed her belief in all things magical…from the Easter Bunny to the Tooth Fairy and of course Santa Claus. But, as life would have it, she discovers her in-laws are non other than Mr. and Mrs. Clause (George Wendt, Shelley Long.)

MORNING DREAMER.
MORNING.
PETER, I HAVE TO
GET READY FOR WORK.
OK.
I JUST WANNA.
PETER, PETER!
I’M JUST GONNA DO
A LITTLE THING HERE.
PETER, MAX IS SLEEPING,
SHHH QUIET.

MAX. I’M NOT
MAKING A SOUND.

I LIKE IT.
THANK YOU.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
NICE, VERY NICE.

INSPECTION TIME.

HMM, AH, I THINK
IT LOOKS GOOD.
NOW ALL WE NEED ARE
A DOZEN MORE, A DOZEN,
DO YOU THINK YOU
CAN HANDLE THAT?
YES.
LOVELY.
GET GOING.
WE CAN
HANDLE EVERYTHING.
THAT IS STUNNING,
IT’S BEAUTIFUL,
YOU ARE DOING GREAT WORK,
MY LITTLE ELVES.

LOVE THE FLAMES, TATE.
VERY NICE TOUCH.
DO YOU LIKE MINE?


YES. EDWARD.
– YEAH?
– EDWARD, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
THIS IS PERFECT, I’VE GOT
THE DOCUMENTATION RIGHT HERE.
SO IT’S REAL, WE DID IN
FACT RECORD GAMMA RAY BURST.
– WE DID IT.
– YES.
THINK OF IT ALEX,
YOU, ME, YOUR FATHER,
TOGETHER ON THE COVER
OF SKY AND TELESCOPE.
HE WON’T BELIEVE
IT WHEN I TELL HIM.
THIS IS AMAZING.
HEY MAX.
HOW’S THAT SURPRISE
GOING FOR YOUR MOM?
WELL, I BUILT AN ORBITER
AND A ROCKET BOOSTER.
NICE.
SO DOES THIS MEAN
YOU’RE GONNA BE MY DAD?
I HOPE SO.
YOU KNOW, A FEW OF THE OLD
HARVARD ALUMNI ARE GETTING
TOGETHER TOMORROW NIGHT,
YOU SHOULD COME.
IT WOULD BE
LIKE OLD TIMES.
I’D TELL YOU
TO BRING PETER,
BUT I’M SURE HE’D BE
BORED WITH THE CONVERSATION.
WHAT DO YOU TWO
TALK ABOUT ANYWAY?
OH MY GOSH, PETER,
I ALMOST FORGOT.
WHAT?
I HAVE GOT
TO RUN, EDWARD.
MAKE SURE WE DON’T
MISS THE AFTERGLOW, OK?
YES.

♪ MERRY, MERRY,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TIME, ♪
♪ I HOPE YOU’VE BEEN
THINKING OF ME ♪
♪ I’M BACK WHERE I WANT
TO BE, WHAT DO YOU SAY ♪

♪ MERRY, MERRY, MERRY,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TIME ♪
[Horn Honks]

♪ SATISFY YOUR
HEART’S DESIRE… ♪
♪ BELLS RING OUT, LET’S
SPEND THIS TIME TOGETHER ♪

♪ UNDERNEATH THE
MISTLETOE IS HEAVEN ♪
♪ THIS COULD BE THE
BEST CHRISTMAS EVER ♪
♪ THIS COULD BE THE
BEST CHRISTMAS EVER ♪
♪ BEST CHRISTMAS EVER ♪
♪ ABSOLUTELY EVER ♪
♪ ABSOLUTELY HEAVEN ♪
PETER, ARE YOU HOME?

PETER?

PETER, WHAT IS THIS?

ALEX SPENCER…

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
MARRY YOU?

I DON’T KNOW.
I MEAN, PETER,
THIS IS ALL SO SUDDEN,
WE’VE NEVER TALKED
ABOUT THIS BEFORE.
ALEX, WE’VE BEEN
TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR.

JUST SAY YES.
OR NO,
IF THAT’S HOW YOU FEEL.
NO, NO, NO.
I MEAN YES, PETER NO.
PETER,
WE NEED TO CONSIDER
THE PROS AND THE CONS OF
LEGALIZING OUR RELATIONSHIP.
LIKE WHAT IS IT GOING
TO DO TO OUR TAXES?
AND TO OUR BENEFITS, NOT
TO MENTION THE FACT THAT
I WOULD NEED TO CHANGE ALL
OF MY LEGAL IDENTIFICATION
TO YOUR FAMILY NAME.
ALEX.
THE WAY I SEE IT THERE
ARE NO CONS HERE,
THERE’S
JUST ONE PRO.
AND THAT IS ME
GETTING TO SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE
WITH YOU, AND MAX.

I LOVE YOU, ALEX.
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
YES.
YES, OF COURSE
YES.
I’LL MARRY YOU, PETER.


WE DID IT,
WE DID IT.
WE’RE GETTING MARRIED.
WAIT TILL GRANDMA
AND GRANDPA FIND OUT.

SORRY, THE SPAGHETTI
I WAS MAKING KIND OF
ALL GOT
STUCK TOGETHER.
WHO NEEDS SPAGHETTI,
THIS KUNG POW PORK IS AMAZING.
YOUR EX, EDWARD, NOW HE
COULD PREPARE A MEAN STEAK.
PETER MAKES A
MEAN CUP OF COFFEE.
WELL I’M JUST GLAD THAT
MOST PLACES HAVE STOPPED
USING THAT MSG, BECAUSE
THE BEHAVIORAL CASES I SEE
DUE TO POOR DIET
ARE STAGGERING.
I’M SURPRISED
IT TOOK SO LONG.
SPEAKING OF SURPRISES–
OH MY GOSH,
THAT’S RIGHT.
I’M SORRY.
DAD,
YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT,
BUT TODAY I RECORDED
AN ACTUAL GAMMA RAY BURST.
HA, HA ,HA,
THAT A GIRL.
– IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
– ALEX–
I MEAN, THE ENERGY,
IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS OVER
A BILLION LIGHT YEARS AWAY,
AND IT MEASURED AT LEAST–
ALEX!
OH MY GOSH, YEAH.
THAT’S RIGHT, I AM-
I AM SORRY.
DAD, AH, UM…
SURPRISE.
WE’RE GETTING MARRIED.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A
SURPRISE IS, PETER?
A SURPRISE IS SIMPLY A
RECKLESS ACTION WITHOUT
PROPER CONSIDERATION
GIVEN TO THE FINAL OUTCOME.
FOR EXAMPLE, DID YOU TAKE THE
RECENT DIVORCE RATE INTO ACCOUNT
BEFORE YOU INITIATED
THIS LITTLE SURPRISE?
8 OUT OF 12 KIDS IN MY
CLASS HAVE DIVORCED PARENTS.
JUST SAYING.
I THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD
IDEA FOR YOU TWO TO ENGAGE
IN PRE-MARITAL
COUNSELING.
I KNOW I’M YOUR MOTHER,
BUT I CAN ASSURE
YOU THAT OUR SESSIONS
WOULD BE ON A
COMPLETELY OBJECTIVE LEVEL.
THAT IS GREAT MOM.
ISN’T’ THAT GREAT PETER?
– UH-HUH.
– YES.
YEP.
THAT’S GREAT.
YEAH.
I SAW AN XR14 GAME SYSTEM FOR
MY CHRISTMAS WISH LIST TODAY.
NOW, MAXWELL, YOU KNOW THAT
VIDEO GAMES SEDATE THE MIND.
AND WHAT’S THIS
ABOUT A WISH LIST?
I THOUGHT WE
TALKED ABOUT THAT.
TALKED ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT THE FACT THAT THERE IS
NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS.
DAD, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD
HAVE TALKED TO ME FIRST,
I MEAN IT’S
ALMOST CHRISTMAS.
WHY DELAY
THE INEVITABLE?
IT’S THE TRUTH.
BESIDES, LOOK HOW
WELL IT’S SERVED YOU.
PERHAPS IF WE’D DONE THE
SAME THING WITH YOUR SISTER,
MAYBE THINGS…WELL.
A TOAST, TO MY
BRILLIANT DAUGHTER
AND HER OUTSTANDING
PARTNER, EDWARD,
AND THEIR LATEST
SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH.
AND TO OUR
ENGAGEMENT.
YES.
CHEERS.

Steven:
SO WHAT SORT OF VISIBILITY
DO YOU GET ON THIS?

300, 400 MILLION LIGHT YEARS?
FIVE.
I WAS A BIT BAFFLED ABOUT YOUR
ANNOUNCEMENT THIS EVENING,
CONSIDERING THE
FACT THAT PETER
HAS NEVER APPROACHED
ME ABOUT MARRYING YOU.
I THINK THAT PETER WAS KIND OF
HOPING FOR IT TO BE A SURPRISE.
BUT I MEAN, WE HAVE BEEN
LIVING TOGETHER FOR A WHILE NOW.
AS A TENANT
IN YOUR BASEMENT.
AT FIRST YES DAD, BUT THEN
YOU KNOW, THINGS CHANGED.
SO I GUESS MARRIAGE
WOULD BE THE NEXT
REASONABLE
COURSE OF ACTION.
IS IT?
IS IT?
NOW, LET’S SEE.
YOUR MOTHER AND I,
WE MADE SENSE,
YOU AND EDWARD MAKE SENSE,
BUT YOU AND PETER?
MARRYING MAKES GOOD
SENSE FOR OUR TAXES.
DO YOU KNOW DESPITE
ALL MY RESEARCH,
I’VE YET TO FIND ANYTHING
ON PETER’S BACKGROUND.
HAVE YOU EVEN
MET HIS FAMILY?
WE’VE TRIED, BUT
PETER ALWAYS SAYS,
HE ALWAYS SAYS THEY’RE
REALLY BUSY WITH THEIR
TOY BUSINESS UP IN
ALASKA OR SOMETHING.
SIX YEARS AGO, YOU WENT TO
THE STEPHEN HAWKING CONFERENCE,
DESPITE MY WARNINGS THAT HE
ALWAYS ATTRACTS THE WILD ONES.
AND REMEMBER, YOU ENDED UP
PREGNANT AND ALONE AT 18.
MOM WAS 18.
ALEX, I HAVE NEVER
BEEN WRONG, YOU KNOW THAT.
AND I’M WARNING YOU NOW,
THINK THIS ONE THROUGH.

HI SWEETIE.
LET’S GET
YOU TUCKED IN.

SO, DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT
ME AND PETER GETTING MARRIED.
I KIND OF FIGURED IT
WOULD HAPPEN ONE DAY.
RIGHT.
SO YOU’RE OK WITH IT?
IF YOU ARE MOM,
YOU KNOW BEST.

– GOOD NIGHT, SWEETHEART.
– GOOD NIGHT.
I LOVE YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.

– HAVE A GOOD SLEEP, OK?
– OK.

AH, MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE ASKED
YOUR DAD FIRST, FOR YOUR HAND.
AND MAYBE THEY
WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SO.
PRACTICAL, PETER.
PETER, THEY ARE
JUST PRACTICAL PEOPLE.
OH.
IS THAT WHAT YOUR DAD
WAS BEING WHEN HE TOLD MAX
THERE’S NO SUCH
THING AS SANTA CLAUS?
WELL THEY TOLD
ME WHEN I WAS FIVE.
WOW, REALLY?
SO YOU NEVER BELIEVED?
WHAT, IN SANTA CLAUS?
PETER, PLEASE.
PETER.
I JUST- (Burp)
– OH.
– SORRY.
HOW MANY FORTUNE
COOKIES DID YOU HAVE?
ONE.
I GUESS MY SUGAR INTOLERANCE
HASN’T GOTTEN ANY BETTER.
I GUESS NOT.
I JUST, I DON’T KNOW, I HOPED
YOUR PARENTS WOULD BE HAPPIER.
AND WHAT ABOUT
YOUR PARENTS?
DON’T YOU THINK IT’S TIME
THAT I MEET MY FUTURE IN-LAWS?
NO.
LET’S HAVE THEM DOWN
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.
NO, NO, NO.
IT’S VERY, VERY BUSY
THIS TIME OF YEAR,
THEY COULDN’T,
THEY COULDN’T.
THEY WOULD LOVE TO,
THEY WOULD.
NO, PETER,
NO, NOT THIS TIME.
WHAT?
I NEED TO MEET MY
FUTURE IN-LAWS.
I KNOW, AND YOU WILL,
THEY’RE JUST,
MY FAMILY IS VERY
DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.
WELL IF THEY ARE
ANYTHING LIKE YOU,
THEN I’M SURE
THEY’RE GREAT.
HMM?
GOOD NIGHT.

I GOTTA GO,
I’M REALLY LATE.
WILL EDWARD THE THIRD
BE WORKING TONIGHT?
REALLY PETER,
WHO’S RING AM I WEARING?
YOURS, THAT’S RIGHT,
GOOD BYE.
– BYE.
– LOVE YOU.
CALL YOUR
PARENTS, PLEASE.

[Door Closes]

[Ringing]

HELLO?
– HEY MOM.
– PETER?
– HI MOM.
– HONEY IS IT YOU?
– CAN YOU HEAR ME?
– UH-HUH.
OK.
GOOD, I CAN HEAR YOU,
IT’S WORKING.
HOW IS EVERYTHING?
OH, IT’S BUSY,
BUSY, BUSY,
YOU KNOW,
IT’S ALWAYS BUSY, BUSY.
HONEY GET IN HERE,
COME ON HERE’S YOUR DAD.
MOM, LISTEN TO ME.
– IS THAT PETE?
– DAD. HEY.
THERE HE IS, OH, LOOK,
SEE WE CAN SEE DOWN HERE.
OH NO, NOW MY
HEAD’S CUT OFF.
GUYS, GUYS, MOM, PUT.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID?
WHERE DO I TALK?
SO YOU’RE
KIND OF BUSY, HUH?
THAT’S TOO BAD, BECAUSE
I KIND OF HAD A SURPRISE.
WHAT?
DID HE SAY SURPRISE?
DID HE SAY SURPRISE?
I’M GETTING MARRIED.
– AHH!
– SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
PETE, CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT IS SO WONDERFUL.
WHO IS THE LUCKY GIRL?
HER NAME IS ALEX,
AND SHE REALLY–
WHAT DID YOU
SAY SWEETHEART?
ALEX WAS ACTUALLY HOPING
YOU COULD COME FOR A VISIT,
BUT I COMPLETELY
UNDERSTAND–
WE’LL COME
RIGHT NOW.
I THINK LINDA CAN
HOLD DOWN THE FORT,
THAT’S NO
PROBLEM HERE.
WOW, OK.
MOM’S PACKING.
GREAT.
ACTUALLY, I HAVEN’T ACTUALLY
TOLD ALEX ABOUT OUR,
MY, YOU KNOW,
BACKGROUND.
SO IF YOU GUYS COULD
JUST TONE IT DOWN.
YOU HAVEN’T TOLD HER?
DON’T WORRY, WE’LL BE
ON OUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

IXNAY.
ALRIGHT, WHERE’S LINDA,
WE GOTTA FIRE UP THE SLEIGH.
WHOA, DAD, NO, DON’T.
THE SLEIGH,
HERE WE COME.
– DAD, NO.
– WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?
– WHAT?
– WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?
NO ONE, IT’S JUST THIS
CRAZY LIVE CHAT THING.
HEY, DO YOU WANT TO GO
GET A CHRISTMAS TREE?
YOU MEAN A FIR TREE
WITH PAGAN ORIGINS?
THAT’S IT, LET’S GO.

[Buzzing]
WHAT, WHAT IS THAT?

THOUGHT WE’D CELEBRATE
OUR DISCOVERY WITH
A LITTLE
BOTTLE OF BUBBLY?
LOOK AT THIS, IT LOOKS LIKE SOME
KIND OF METEOR, IT’S SOMETHING.
[Telephone Ringing]
HELLO.
HEY ALEX, HOW’S THE STAR
COORDINATE THING GOING?
IT’S GOING, DID YOU GET
A HOLD OF YOUR PARENTS?
YEAH, I DID, AND
THEY ARE FLYING IN.
THAT’S GREAT PETER, WHEN?
UM, TODAY ACTUALLY.
TODAY?
YEAH.
I GOTTA GO, I WILL,
I’LL SEE YOU AT HOME, OK?
OK, BYE.

WHICH IS WHY YOU CAN SEE
THAT IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
TO BELIEVE THERE
IS A SANTA CLAUS.
HE’S JUST JOKING, I MEAN,
OF COURSE THERE IS A SANTA.

OF COURSE
THERE’S A SANTA.
BUT GRANDPA SAID.
A TOAST.

TO US, AND–
MY FUTURE IN-LAWS,
THEY’RE COMING IN.
FUTURE, IN-LAWS,
WAIT A SECOND.
– TODAY.
– TODAY?
WHAT DO YOU
MEAN TODAY?
YOU DIDN’T TELL ME
ABOUT ANY IN-LAWS.
MAKE SURE YOU TRACK
THE PATH OF THIS METEOR,
OR WHATEVER IT IS.
IF ANYTHING ELSE HAPPENS,
YOU CAN REACH ME ON MY CELL.
OK, JUST, IF YOU JUST
WANNA, WONDERING, AH…

COMBINE UNTIL YOUR DOUGH
RESEMBLES CRUMBLY COURSE MEAL.
[Beeping]

DID I EVER TELL YOU MY
PARENTS REALLY LOVE PIZZA.
[Thud from above]
WHAT’S THAT?
[Creaking above]
JUST GET THE PIZZA.
PETER?
WHOA, HEY,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
TO CHECK WHAT’S MAKING
THAT NOISE ON THE ROOF.
THAT’S JUST
PROBABLY RACCOONS.
PETER, I DON’T
WANT RACCOONS.
NO, ALEX,
WAIT, DON’T.
OH PETER.
MOM, DAD.
OH PETER, PETER,
PETER, OH PETER.
YOU MADE IT.
YOU’RE SO SKINNY,
YOU’RE THIN AS TOAST.
AND WHAT A BEAUTY,
YOU MUST BE ALEX.
IT IS A PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU.
OH, PLEASE
CALL ME MAMMA.
AND YOU CAN
CALL ME SANT–
– SANTOS.
– SANTOS.
JUST CALL ME MR. C.
PLEASE COME IN,
OF COURSE, COME IN.
YES, YES, THANK YOU.
SO, RIGHT THIS WAY.
AH!
UH…

(Laughing)
I DON’T KNOW WHY, IT’S
JUST SO THE NORTH ATLANTIC.
(Laughing)
OH, HMM.
SO HOW LONG WILL
YOU BE STAYING?
OH, JUST UNTIL
CHRISTMAS EVE.
YEAH, WE WANTED TO TAKE SOME
TIME TO GET TO KNOW THE FAMILY.
YOU KNOW YOUR SISTER VIKI
STILL SENDS ME WISHES.
I’M SORRY, HOW DO
YOU KNOW MY SISTER?
DAD GETS LETTERS FROM
CUSTOMERS ABOUT WISHES,
PEOPLE, IDEAS FOR NEW TOYS,
THAT SORT OF THING.
LETTERS, LOTS AND
LOTS OF LETTERS.
WELL THAT DOESN’T SURPRISE ME,
VIKI IS VERY CREATIVE.
IT SMELLS LIKE
SOMETHING’S BURNING.
OH I’M SORRY, THAT WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE DINNER,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,
I CAN JUST ORDER PIZZA.
OH NO, NO.
OH, I KNOW YOU LOVE PIZZA.
LET MAMMA DO IT.
PLEASE DON’T, YOU
DON’T HAVE TO, PETER…
JUST LET HER.

WHOA, AND NOW
WHO IS THIS WEE ELF?
THIS IS
MY SON MAX.
MAX, GO SAY HI.
HI.
IT’S A PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU SIR.
OH, NO, NO, THE
PLEASURE IS ALL MINE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING
I THINK YOU MIGHT
HAVE BEEN WISHING FOR.
NO WAY, IT’S AN
XR GAMING SYSTEM!
ACTUALLY, WE DON’T REALLY LET
MAX PLAY WITH VIDEO GAMES.
Peter:
AH, HONEY,
MAYBE WE COULD…

BUT SEEING UM, AS THIS
IS A SPECIAL OCCASION,
I GUESS WE COULD
MAKE AN EXCEPTION.
YES!
YOU’RE A LITTLE BEHIND ON YOUR
CHRISTMAS DECORATING, I SEE.
ACTUALLY I THOUGHT
WE WERE KIND OF DONE.
NA NA NA NA…
TA DA.
DO DO DO DO,
DO DO DO…

I KIND OF
WANT THEM ALL.

OH.
JUST HELP YOURSELF.
NA NA NA NA,
NA NA NA NA.
THANK YOU.
MOM, IT’S SO GOOD.

I THINK
THAT’S ENOUGH.
HONEY, NO, WE HAVE
TO SLEEP TONIGHT.

YEAH DAD,
THEY JUST ARRIVED.
YOU AND MOM, YOU’RE COMING
FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
NO YEAH,
YEAH THAT’S GREAT.
YEAH.
I DON’T KNOW,
THEY SEEM KIND OF…
DAD, I’M GONNA HAVE
TO CALL YOU BACK.
WHAT’S GOING ON IN HERE?
MOM, THIS IS SO COOL.
I CAN SEE THAT, YES.
– COME ON.
– MAX.
OH, COME ON.
OK, OK.
GET ON UP THERE.
NO, REALLY, I.
OK.
THIS IS
KIND OF FUN.
THIS IS KIND
OF FUN I GUESS.
AAAAAH.

UH-OH.

YOU CAN NOT
LEAVE IT HERE.
HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO MOVE
IT WHEN THE SLEIGH IS BROKEN.
I CAN’T EVEN
GET IT STARTED.
TOW TRUCK…
LOOK, IT’S NOT MY FAULT.
I TOLD YOUR DAD HE WAS COMING
IN TOO QUICK ON THE LANDING.
I DON’T CARE
WHO’S FAULT IT IS.
BUT–
YOU JUST CAN’T USE THE
GARAGE LIKE SANTA’S WORKSHOP.
OK.
BUT-
BUT-
YOU’VE GOT TO GET IT OUT
OF HERE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
– BUT-
– I CAN’T HAVE A SLEIGH–
– PETER, PETER.
– HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS JUST GETTING A
SNACK AND A JUICE BOX.
ARE YOU SURE THAT’S
SUCH A GOOD IDEA?
ESPECIALLY AFTER
ALL THAT DESSERT.
YEAH, YOU’RE
PROBABLY RIGHT.
I SHOULD PROB-
I SHOULD PROBABLY
JUST GO TO BED.

– WHAT IS THAT?
– WHAT?
THAT, UNDER YOUR HAND,
WHAT IS THAT?
– WHAT?
– UNDER YOUR HAND?
WHAT IS UNDER
YOUR HAND?
RIGHT.
THAT IS UH, MY HAT…

FOR THE SCHOOL PLAY,
I THOUGHT I’D GET IN
THE SPIRIT
FOR THE KIDS.

YEAH, LET’S GO.
– OK.
– LET’S GO TO BED.
YEAH,
LET’S GO TO BED.
[Laughing]
ALEX, I’VE COME
TO HELP YOU.
I HAVE EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.
OH NO,
OF COURSE YOU DO.
I JUST LIKE HELPING.
YOU KNOW, WHEN PETER’S
FATHER ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM,
I WAS TERRIFIED.
I MEAN, TO SAY NOTHING
OF MOVING NORTH, HE WAS,
HE WAS A MAN UNLIKE
ANY MAN I’VE EVER MET.
[Laughing]
BUT…
I LOVED HIM.
AND AT THE END OF THE DAY,
THAT’S ALL THAT COUNTS.
LET’S FORGET
ABOUT THAT.
FOLLOW ME.
READY?
OH, I LOVE IT EVERY
TIME, I LOVE IT.
SO TELL ME, WHAT MAKES
YOU VERY, VERY, HAPPY?
CINNAMON?
BUTTER?
CHOCOLATE?
I DON’T USUALLY
BAKE SWEETS.
YOU KNOW, PETER,
HE HAS HIS INTOLERANCE.
YES, DON’T THINK
ABOUT THAT NOW.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON’T THINK
ABOUT THAT NOW.
NO, THINK ABOUT WHEN
YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL,
AND UH, WHAT WAS YOUR
FAVORITE SWEET TREAT?
WHAT MADE YOUR TONGUE TINGLE
AND YOUR TUMMY TICKLE?
SUGAR COOKIES.
OH, THAT’S ONE OF
MY FAVORITES TOO.
WELL, TO MAKE THINGS
SCRUMPTIOUS AND DELICIOUS
AND DELECTABLE YOU HAVE
TO PUT IN ALL OF YOUR JOY,
AND YOUR HAPPINESS,
INTO THE FOOD.
HOW DO I DO THAT?
SINGING.
[Laughing]
– I JUST THINK–
– OH YES.
♪ SUGAR AND SPICE
AND EVERYTHING NICE ♪
♪ HOW WE LOVE OUR
SUGAR AND SPICE ♪
♪ PUT IN LOVING,
LOTS OF LOVING ♪
♪ SUGAR AND SPICE
AND EVERYTHING NICE ♪
YOU TRY.
WITH ME.
I DEFINITELY
AM NOT COMFORTABLE.
♪ SUGAR AND SPICE ♪
I DON’T.
SUGAR,
CAN YOU HIT THAT NOTE?
YES.
♪ SUGAR AND SPICE,
AND EVERYTHING NICE ♪
♪ HOW WE LOVE OUR
SUGAR AND SPICE ♪
♪ PUT IN LOVING,
LOTS OF LOVING ♪
♪ SUGAR AND SPICE,
AND EVERYTHING NICE ♪
[Laughing]

♪ I MADE A LIST ♪

♪ I CHECKED IT TWICE ♪

♪ SINCE YOU’VE BEEN NAUGHTY,
YOU WANT TO MAKE IT ALRIGHT ♪

♪ I KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING,
THERE’S FOOTPRINTS IN THE SNOW ♪

♪ CAN’T STOP THINKING
‘BOUT CHRISTMAS BABY ♪
♪ I’M GONNA GET
EVERYTHING I WANT ♪
♪ CAN’T STOP THINKING
‘BOUT CHRISTMAS BABY ♪
♪ I’M GONNA GET
EVERYTHING I WANT ♪
♪ I’M GONNA
GIVE IT ALL I GOT ♪
♪ YOU MAKE
ME FEEL IT ♪
♪ YOU REALLY
TURN ME ON ♪

YES!
TWO OUT OF THREE?
YEP.
ALRIGHT, YOU ARE ON.
SO, IT’S NEARLY CHRISTMAS,
YOU STILL HAVEN’T SENT
OFF YOUR WISH LIST YET.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
OH, IT’S JUST
A LUCKY GUESS.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU STILL DECIDING
WHAT YOU’RE GONNA WISH FOR?
NO, I THREW OUT
MY WISH LIST.
THREW IT OUT, WHY?
BECAUSE I DON’T BELIEVE
IN SANTA CLAUS.
WHAT?
YOU DON’T BELIEVE-
WHY NOT?
MY GRANDPA TOLD ME THERE’S
NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS.
YOUR GRANDPA
TOLD YOU THIS?
UH-HUH,
HE’S REALLY SMART.
[Horn Honking]
OH, MY GRANDPA’S HERE, BYE.
GRANDPA!
MOM, DAD, THIS IS
PETER’S FAMILY, THIS IS SANTOS.
WE ARE SO HAPPY TO FINALLY
MEET EVERYBODY IN THE FAMILY.
OK, LET’S GO.
OK, HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO,
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.

SO, SANTOS,
I UNDERSTAND YOU OPERATE
A TOY MANUFACTURING
IN THE NORTH.
YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT.
WELL I HOPE YOU DON’T MAKE
ANY OF THOSE VIDEO GAMES.
ALEX THIS DINNER
IS QUITE INTERESTING.
MAMMA, PETER’S MOTHER,
HELPED ME IN THE KITCHEN.
WE’RE STRICT
VEGETARIANS, YOU KNOW,
ONCE YOU’VE TALKED
WITH THE ANIMALS–
NO NEED TO
EXPLAIN MOM.
FRUIT CAKE.
YES.
WE EAT BASED
ON OUR BLOOD TYPE.
AND WE
RARELY EAT SUGAR.
SUPPRESSES
THE IMMUNE SYSTEM.
WELL I EAT BASED ON
WHAT TASTES DELICIOUS,
AND THESE SUGAR COOKIES
LOOK AWFULLY GOOD.
CHEERS.
SO ALEX, IS VIKI GOING TO
BE JOINING US, YOUR SISTER?
AUNT VIKI
IS AN ACTRESS.
ACTUALLY, I DON’T
THINK SHE CAN MAKE IT.
OH, WHAT A SHAME TO MISS OUT
ON SUCH A MOMENTOUS OCCASION.
I MEAN, I, FOR ONE,
AM THRILLED THAT OUR FAMILIES
ARE GONNA BE
JOINED TOGETHER.
HOW ABOUT YOU STEVEN?
IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT,
I THINK THIS CALLS
FOR A LITTLE
SOMETHING SPECIAL.
DAD, I THINK THE SPENCERS ARE
PROBABLY TIRED FROM THEIR DRIVE.
OH, COME ON NOW MAMMA.
GIVE ME THAT ‘C’.
♪ ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS,
MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME,
A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE ♪
♪ ON THE SECOND
DAY OF CHRISTMAS,
MY TRUE
LOVE GAVE TO ME ♪
Max:
I THINK I GOT IT.
GOOD.
TWO TURTLE DOVES.
♪ AND A PARTRIDGE
IN A PEAR TREE ♪
♪ ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS
MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME ♪
OH, I KNOW THIS PART,
♪ THREE FRENCH HENS ♪
♪ TWO TURTLE DOVES, AND A
PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE ♪
♪ ON THE FOURTH
DAY OF CHRISTMAS,
MY TRUE LOVE
GAVE TO ME ♪
♪ FOUR CALLING BIRDS, THREE
FRENCH HENS, TWO TURTLE DOVES,
AND A PARTRIDGE
IN A PEAR TREE ♪
♪ ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS,
MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME ♪
♪ FIVE GOLDEN RINGS ♪
♪ FOUR CALLING BIRDS, THREE
FRENCH HENS, TWO TURTLE DOVES,
AND A PARTRIDGE
IN A PEAR TREE ♪
[Laughing]

I KNEW I WAS RIGHT
TO PACK OUR THINGS.
WE ALWAYS BE
PREPARED JOYCE.
NOW, ALL I NEED IS A FEW
DAYS RESEARCH, RECOGNIZANCE.
MOM, DAD, YOU REALLY
SHOULD GET GOING,
THE SNOW IS REALLY
STARTING TO COME DOWN.
Santos:
OH NO, YOU GUYS
ARE LEAVING SO SOON?
YES, YES, THE SNOW AND THE
ROADS, IT CAN BE A REAL MESS.
OH, WELL THEN WHY
DON’T YOU STAY?
IT IS CHRISTMAS, WE COULD
SPEND THE NEXT FEW DAYS
GETTING TO KNOW ONE
ANOTHER A LITTLE BETTER.
EXACTLY.
BUT DAD, YOUR WORK.
AND YOUR CLOTHES.
YOU KNOW STEVEN,
HE’S ALWAYS PREPARED.
AND I CAN ALWAYS USE
THE LAB HERE IN TOWN.
AFTER ALL, IT DOES
HAVE MY NAME ON IT.
AND WITH EDWARD, I COULDN’T
ASK FOR A BETTER PARTNER.
THEN IT’S DECIDED,
WE’LL ALL STAY TOGETHER
LIKE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
HMMMM.

MAX, I HOPE YOU’RE
EATING BREAKFAST.
THANK YOU.
THAT’S NICE.
COFFEE, STEVEN?
PETER MAKES A MEAN CUP.
ACTUALLY,
I TAKE MINE BLACK.
SO, SANTOS,
THAT’S SPANISH, AM I RIGHT?
SO I’M TOLD,
MI AMIGO.
AH, DAD, MAX, WE SHOULD
PROBABLY GO TO SCHOOL,
BECAUSE WE DON’T WANT TO
BE LATE FOR PLAY PRACTICE.
DO WE HAVE TO BE
IN THE SCHOOL PLAY,
I DON’T EVEN BELIEVE IN ELVES,
AND NOW I HAVE TO BE ONE.
OK, WELL IF YOU DON’T
WANT TO BE AN ELF,
YOU COULD BE THE
CHRISTMAS STAR.
PETER, I DON’T REALLY
THINK THAT’S A GREAT IDEA.
CONSIDERING THE FACT THE
CHRISTMAS STAR DOESN’T EXIST,
AND WAS REALLY JUST A RARE
SERIES OF PLANETARY GROUPINGS.
DOES THAT MEAN I’M
OUT OF THE SCHOOL PLAY?
NO.
NO.
YES.
NO.

♪ DECKS THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS
OF HOLLY, FA LA LA LA LA ♪
LA!
MRS. CLAUS.
OH PLEASE
CALL ME JESSICA.
WOULD YOU
LIKE TO TALK?
JESSICA AND JOYCE,
WE’RE AN ALLITERATION.
HA HA.
I LOVE TO TALK, DO I
EVER NOT TALK, COME ON.
I’VE GOT TO GET
THESE SHOES OFF
BECAUSE I HAVE NO
BUSINESS WEARING THEM,
BUT PAPA CANNOT GET ENOUGH
OF ME IN MY HIGH HEELS.
YOU KNOW IT’S SAFE TO REMOVE
YOUR MASK OF JOVIALITY WITH ME.
MY WHAT FROM MY WHAT?
WELL MY EXPERIENCE AS
A THERAPIST HAS TAUGHT ME
THAT MOST COUPLES WHO
FEIGN A SENSE OF HAPPINESS
TEND TO BE
SOMEWHAT UNHAPPY.
THAT’S TERRIBLE.
WELL IT IS, BUT
ONLY UNTIL YOU REALIZE
THAT IT’S ALRIGHT TO ADMIT
THAT THINGS AREN’T PERFECT.
EXACTLY.
BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN SO HARD
FOR YOU TO TRY TO BE PERFECT.
WELL STEVEN DOES
DEMAND A CERTAIN ORDER.
DO YOU THINK?
GINGER SNAPS,
YOUR FAVORITE.
HOW DID
YOU KNOW?
SOMETIMES I SWEAR
THAT FIANCE OF YOURS
IS LIKE A
CHILD HIMSELF.
I MEAN, DOES HE EVEN
UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DO?
THE IMPORTANCE AND IMPACT
OF THE WORK WE DO HERE.
I’M TELLING YOU ALEX,
AND I AM NEVER WRONG,
I’VE HAD MY DOUBTS
ABOUT HIM EVER SINCE HE
PAINTED YOUR HOUSE LIKE
SOME RIDICULOUS CANDY CANE.
AND SINCE WE KNOW THAT
BEHAVIOR IS LEARNED, WELL,
WE BOTH KNOW THAT
THERE’S SOMETHING
NOT QUITE RIGHT
ABOUT THAT FAMILY,
ESPECIALLY
THAT SANTOS.
AND HIS WIFE,
DON’T GET ME STARTED.
YOU KNOW, IN FACT,
I GOOGLED HIM LAST NIGHT.
– PETER’S DAD?
– THAT’S RIGHT.
I GOOGLED HIM,
YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND?
NOTHING.
NO LINKS TO THE FAMILY
BUSINESS, NOTHING.
I MEAN, YOU COULD
GOOGLE A FAMILY DOG
AND SOMETHING
WOULD COME UP.
– EDWARD!
– MR. SPENCER!
HOW ARE YOU MY BOY?
– GOOD TO SEE YOU.
– I’M WELL, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
EXCELLENT WORK
ON THAT GAMMA RAY,
BY THE WAY,
VERY IMPRESSIVE.
NOT AS IMPRESSIVE AS
YOUR PAPER ON THE IMPACT
OF DARK MATTER ON
OUR SOLAR SYSTEM, SIR.
YOU READ THAT?
THAT WAS ONLY PRINTED IN
A HANDFUL OF PUBLICATIONS.
I DON’T READ FOR THE
MASSES, MR. SPENCER,
I READ WHAT MATTERS.

Peter:
ALRIGHT.
SHHH.
OK, CHRISTMAS STAR,
YOU’RE TWINKLING.
GOOD TWINKLING.
REINDEERS, CAN I SEE
YOUR REINDEER FACES.
YES, ALRIGHT, CHRISTMAS
STAR IS SHINING SO BRIGHT.
BUT EVERYTHING ELSE
IS QUIET IN THE NIGHT.
QUIET
LITTLE REINDEER.
QUIET
LITTLE LIGHTS.
SNOW IS FALLING,
EVERYONE’S SLEEPING.
AND NOW, ABBY,
YOU WAKE UP.

PERFECT.
I LOVE THE STRETCH.
AND NOW THE ELVES.

OH, ONE MORE ELF.
ELVES, MAX.

OK, GREAT.
NOW WHILE THE ELVES ARE
PRETENDING TO PUT THE GIFTS
UNDER THE TREE,
ABBY, YOU SAY-
WHERE’S SANTA?
SHHH.
HO HO HO.
VERY NICE.
SIT DOWN.
THAT DOESN’T
MAKE ANY SENSE.
HOW CAN SOMEONE
SLIDE DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITHOUT
HURTING THEIRSELVES?
AND IF SANTA’S SO BIG,
HOW WILL HE EVEN FIT?

WELL, UM, DAD,
MAYBE YOU CAN EXPLAIN?
DAD?

OH NO.
HA HA.
(Children Gasp)
Children:
WOW.
YEAH, WOW, YEAH.
PERHAPS IT’S NOT AS HARD
TO BELIEVE AS YOU THINK?
OH NO.
EVERYTHING HAS
ITS PLACE, AN ORDER.
OH.
HIS SHIRTS FROM
LIGHT TO DARK.
OH NO.
THE SHELVES IN THE
FRIDGE FROM DAIRY TO MEAT.
I’M SORRY DID
YOU SAY ELVES?
SHELVES IN THE FRIDGE,
FROM DAIRY TO MEAT.
SHELVES IN THE FRIDGE,
FROM D- WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT,
HE EVEN HAS
AN ORDER FOR THE
WAY THAT WE, YOU KNOW.

(Laughing)
– YES?
– YEAH.
(Laughing)
HEY.
DAD, WHAT DID YOU
THINK YOU WERE DOING?
HELPING.
HELPING?
YEAH.
OK, WELL USING YOUR, YOU KNOW,
YOUR MAGIC IS NOT HELPING.
IT IS CONFUSING.
AND SENDING ALL THE WRONG
MESSAGES AND STUFF, SO.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH A
LITTLE BIT OF MAGIC?
NOTHING, I JUST-
I CAN’T HAVE PEOPLE
KNOWING WHO YOU ARE.
I ASSUME YOU’RE
REFERRING TO ALEX?
PETER, YOU’RE
MARRYING THIS GIRL.
HOW LONG DO YOU PLAN ON
KEEPING WHO YOU ARE A SECRET?

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND,
IT IS A DIFFERENT WORLD NOW.

OK, PEOPLE DON’T BELIEVE IN
THAT SORT OF STUFF ANYMORE.
EXACTLY,
EVERYONE’S LOST TOUCH.
TOO BUSY TO REALIZE
THAT EVERY DAY IS MAGIC.
EVERY DAY
IS A GIFT.

Alex:
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
Steven:
IT SURE WAS.
Peter:
HEY, WE’RE BACK.
WHAT, WHAT WAS INCREDIBLE?
DAD AND I–
AND EDWARD.
FOUND EVIDENCE
OF A COLLIDING
NEUTRON STAR
READY TO IMPLODE.
WOW, THAT IS INCREDIBLE.
UH, YOU, SO GOOD
AT NEUTRON STUFF.
THANK YOU.
GRANDPA CAME DOWN
THE CHIMNEY TODAY.
– WHAT?
– PARDON?

Peter:
BE RIGHT BACK.

PETER?

PETER, WHAT IS
GOING ON IN HERE?
UH, ALEX,
I CAN EXPLAIN.
IS THAT
A SLEIGH?
SORT OF.
SORT OF A
LONG STORY.
WHAT IS GOING
ON OUT HERE?
WHOA.
PETER, HAVE YOU
SEEN YOUR MOTHER?
MM-HMM.
WHAT IS THIS?
UM, IT’S OUR SLEIGH–
THAT I WAS GOING TO SURPRISE
YOU WITH, A SLEIGH RIDE.
SURPRISE!
♪ DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW,
IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH ♪
TURNS OUT THE OLD RIDE
NEEDS A BIT OF FIXING.
(Alex Laughs)
COOL.
I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING NOT
QUITE RIGHT ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE.
I MEAN, DID YOU
SEE THAT THING?
IT’S NOT LIKE ANY SLEIGH
I’VE EVER SEEN BEFORE.
MAYBE IT’S
THE LATEST THING.
I DON’T KNOW.
PETER JUST THOUGHT
IT MIGHT BE NICE.
GO ON A
SLEIGH RIDE.
HMM, THEY MUST
THINK I’M CRAZY.
AND LOOK AT THIS THING, I MEAN,
IT’S HARDLY A NORMAL SLEIGH.
LOOK, SON, WE UNDERSTAND
YOUR POSITION.
– DO YOU? DO YOU DAD?
– YEAH.
BECAUSE I
LOVE THIS GIRL.
AND RIGHT NOW I’M GUESSING
STEVEN IS IN THERE COMING UP
WITH ALL SORTS OF
REASONS WHY THIS, US,
ME, ISN’T GOING TO WORK.
SING ALONGS.
VIDEO GAMES.
DESSERT FOR DINNER,
AND NOW THIS.
I KNOW DAD.
THEY’RE A BIT.
NUTS, THAT’S WHAT THEY
MUST THINK WE ARE.
WE COULD TONE
IT DOWN A LITTLE.
DO YOU THINK?
FOR ME.
I MEAN, WE CAN’T BE
THAT DIFFERENT, CAN WE?

– MOM?
– UH-HUH.
CAN I TALK TO YOU?
UH-HUH.
SO DO WE HAVE SOME
PRE-MARITAL ISSUES TO WORK OUT?
NO, IT’S ABOUT DAD.
HE JUST DOESN’T WANT YOU
MAKING ANY MISTAKES, ALEX.
PETER IS NOT
A MISTAKE, MOM.
NO, HE’S NOT A HARVARD
GRADUATE, AND YES,
HE LOVES TO PLAY
HIDE AND GO SEEK,
BUT THAT IS WHAT
I LOVE ABOUT HIM.
MOM, PETER, HE’S NEVER TRIED
TO BE SOMETHING THAT HE ISN’T,
AND HE JUST
DIDN’T HAVE TO.
AND MAYBE THAT IS NOT
GOOD ENOUGH FOR DAD.
BUT IT IS MORE THAN
GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
WELL YOU KNOW YOUR FATHER,
WHEN HE’S ON A MISSION.
BUT I WILL TRY
TO WORK ON HIM.
THANK YOU.
IS THAT GINGERBREAD?
NOW, YOU GO ON INSIDE,
AND DON’T YOU WORRY ANOTHER
MINUTE ABOUT YOUR FATHER,
I WILL
TAKE CARE OF IT.
OFF YOU GO.
GO.
THANK YOU.
(Gargling)
HOO.
Mrs. Claus:
HONEY.

I’M WAITING.
– WHOA.
– DO YOU LIKE THIS ONE?
I DO.

[Tools Clanging]

WHOA, THANK YOU.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
MMM, HOT COCOA.
GREAT, THANKS.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
YOU KNOW I THOUGHT IT
WAS REALLY NICE OF PETER
WANTING TO SURPRISE US
WITH A SLEIGH RIDE.
I’VE NEVER BEEN
ON ONE BEFORE.
ESPECIALLY
LIKE THIS.
YEAH, WELL THIS
ONE IS SPECIAL.
BEEN IN THE
FAMILY A LONG TIME.
YOU KNOW MAX KEEPS BUGGING
ME FOR A GROWN UP TOOL SET.
I THINK HE NEEDS TO WAIT
UNTIL HE’S OLDER THOUGH.
ALEX, MAX IS FAR OLDER
THAN HIS YEARS ALREADY.
IT’S NOT VERY OFTEN
YOU FIND A SIX YEAR OLD
WHO DOESN’T BELIEVE
IN SANTA CLAUS.
YES, WELL MY DAD
THINKS THAT CHILDREN
SHOULD KNOW WHAT’S REAL
AND WHAT’S NOT REAL.
SO, HE TOLD YOU TO STOP
BELIEVING TOO, AND YOU DID.
WHEN MY DAD FIRST
TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS
NO SUCH THING
AS SANTA CLAUS,
I STARTED WRITING
LETTERS TO SANTA EVERY YEAR,
BEGGING HIM
TO REVEAL HIMSELF.
I’D EVEN SEARCH THE SKIES
FOR THE CHRISTMAS STAR.

BUT SANTA NEVER
SHOWED HIMSELF,
AND NEITHER
DID THE STAR.
AND THAT WAS WHEN I KNEW
THAT MY FATHER MUST BE RIGHT.
AND I’VE NEVER
DOUBTED MY DAD SINCE.

ALEX, IS THERE ANYTHING THAT
COULD GET YOU TO BELIEVE AGAIN?

UM, HONESTLY, THE DAY THAT I
BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS AGAIN
IS THE DAY THAT I SEE
HIM WITH MY VERY OWN EYES.

OR THE CHRISTMAS STAR.

AND I THINK WE BOTH KNOW
THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

ANYWAY, GOOD NIGHT.
– ALRIGHT THEN.
– GOOD LUCK.
THANKS, YEAH,
WE’LL GET ‘ER GOING.

[Banging]
EASY.
ALRIGHT. NO SWEAT.

AHHHH.

(Screaming)

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO,
WAIT FOR YOU IN THE GARAGE?
NO.
BUT, BUT–
YOU CAN’T BE HERE,
YOU CAN’T BE IN MY BED.
LINDA, WHAT IF ALEX SAW?
I’VE BEEN TRYING, BUT
IT’S NOT WORKING PETER.
LINDA, YOU COULD
RUIN EVERYTHING.
IF ALEX–
(Linda Sneezes)
SHH, SHH.
SORRY, BUT MY ALLERGIES
ARE KILLING ME.
(Linda about to sneeze)
SHH.
LET ME HELP, THERE’S
SOMETHING IN YOUR-
YOU HAVE SOMETHING
IN YOUR HAIR.

LINDA, YOU CAN’T
BE IN MY BED.
I’M TIRED OF
WAITING FOR YOU.
I KNOW, BUT-
– NO, NO, NO…
– (Linda Sneezes)
JUST GIVE ME YOUR FACE.
I’M SORRY.
THIS COULD
RUIN EVERYTHING.
YOU CAN’T BE HERE.
YOU HAVE TO GO.
Alex:
PETER.

PETER. PETER.
HIDE, GO, GO, GO.

JUST LET ME HANG ON TO
THESE FOR A LITTLE WHILE
UNTIL I FINISH
MY BACKGROUND WORK.
YES, OF COURSE.

MOM, DO YOU THINK
IT’S REALLY TRUE
THAT THERE IS
A SANTA CLAUS?

I DON’T KNOW, MAX,
BUT I THINK THAT STRANGER
THINGS HAVE PROBABLY HAPPENED.
I GUESS THINGS DON’T
ALWAYS HAVE TO BE EXPLAINED.

COME HERE,
SWEETHEART.
GIMME A HUG.
OH, I LOVE YOU.
HAVE A GOOD SLEEP.
OK, CAN YOU HOP DOWN?
BIG HOP.

HI SIS.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
THERE I WAS,
HOLDING A SAMSANA POSE,
AS AN ACTRESS, YOGA HELPS
ME GET INTO CHARACTER,
WHEN ALL OF A
SUDDEN TWO TURTLE DOVES
DESCENDED FROM THE CLOUDS,
AND DELIVERED ME A MESSAGE,
THAT MY DEAR BABY SISTER
IS ABOUT TO BE MARRIED,
AND WANTS ME TO
COME JOIN THE FAMILY.
WELL I, FOR ONE, AM THRILLED
THAT YOU COULD JOIN US,
ESPECIALLY HERE
AT CHRISTMAS TIME.

OH, WOW.
WHAT? WHAT?
WHAT IS IT?
YOUR AURA, IT’S…
I’VE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE IT.
Mrs. Claus:
WELL SWEETHEART
HE IS MERRY.
WELL I, FOR ONE, HAVE HEARD
JUST ABOUT ENOUGH BULL–
COME ON, VIKI,
I WILL PULL OUT THE SOFA
IN THE FAMILY
ROOM FOR YOU.
Mrs. Claus:
YOU STILL
GOT IT HONEY.
OH, STOP.

Alex:
WHAT ARE YOU
TWO UP TO?
GETTING READY
FOR CHRISTMAS.
YEAH, WE’RE HANGING
STOCKINGS TOO.
WHERE IS YOURS?
WE’VE GOT A SPOT
FOR IT RIGHT THERE.
I AM NOT QUITE
SURE WHERE I PUT IT.
WHERE IS AUNT VIKI?
ON THE ROOF.

[Whirring]

I LIKE IT,
WHAT DO YOU THINK MR. C?
WELL, WE’RE NEARLY DONE.
ALL WE NEED NOW IS A
LITTLE BIT OF GLITZ.
I KNOW.

HEY MAX,
WHERE’S THAT GLITZ?

MAX, NICE.
YES!
Mr. Claus:
MAX, WE’RE ALMOST DONE,
COME ON.

HEY, COME TELL
ME WHAT YOU THINK.
THIS IS MY SERIOUS LOOK,
THIS IS MY FUN, PLAYFUL LOOK.
UM, THAT ONE.
I LIKE THE
PLAYFUL ONE TOO.
HERE.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I’VE BEEN
STUDYING PETER’S AURA.
HE’S DEFINITELY DESTINED
TO DO GREAT THINGS.
REALLY?
LIKE A PROMOTION?
BIGGER.
SCHOOL PRINCIPAL?
BIGGER.
Peter:
HEY DAD.
YEAH?
DAD!
YEAH?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
EASY THERE, THOSE
ARE MY GOOD PANTS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I COULD HAVE
SWORN I LEFT THE
NAUGHTY OR NICE
BOOK AROUND HERE.
WHAT?
YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE STUFF
LIKE THAT LYING AROUND.
PETER, RELAX.
AH, AH, I’LL GO LOOK FOR IT.
OK.
BREATHE.
LOOK HEY, YOU SEE MAX,
TELL HIM I’M WAITING FOR HIM.

HI, HI.

I’M HERE.
Alex:
YOU KNOW, PETER REALLY
DOES DESERVE A PROMOTION.
HE IS SO GREAT WITH
THOSE KIDS, AND MAX.
HE DOESN’T PRETEND,
YOU KNOW, HE NEVER HAS.
THIS ONE NIGHT,
WHEN I WAS OUT BACK,
RECORDING
A METEOR SHOWER,
HE CAME OUTSIDE,
AND I MUST HAVE BABBLED ON
TO HIM LIKE SOME PBS SPECIAL.

HE DIDN’T TRY TO ACT LIKE HE
KNEW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT,
HE JUST LISTENED.
AND THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME
I KNEW I WAS FALLING IN LOVE.

MOM?

HMM.
WHERE DID
YOU GET THIS?
UNDER YOUR
DAD’S BED.
OR SHOULD
I SAY SANTA’S BED?
DON’T BE
SILLY MAX.
NOW, YOU YOURSELF SAID THAT YOU
DON’T BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.
RESULTS OF DEDUCTION,
GRANDPA’S GROWING BELLY,
HIS ABILITY TO FLY
DOWN A CHIMNEY,
HIS SLEIGH
IN THE GARAGE,
AND I STILL HAVEN’T FIGURED OUT
WHY HE DOESN’T HAVE A BEARD YET.
OH, LET’S NOT
FORGET ABOUT THIS.
OK, OK, FINE.

MY DAD IS
SANTA CLAUS.

AND THE BEARD THING, IT’S ITCHY,
SO IT’S A ONE NIGHT THING.
BUT I MEAN, YOU CAN’T EXPECT
ME TO TELL EVERYONE THAT.
I MEAN, YOU WOULDN’T EVEN HAVE
BELIEVED ME, AND YOU’RE SIX.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO TELL YOUR MOM?
AH, BY THE WAY,
YOUR FUTURE IN-LAWS
CAN’T MAKE IT FOR
CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR
BECAUSE THEY’RE BUSY
SLIDING DOWN CHIMNEYS,
DELIVERING
PRESENTS.
IT’S EASY,
GET THE SLEIGH WORKING,
THEN SHE’LL
BELIEVE YOU.

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.
IT’S REAL.

IT’S REALLY REAL.

Steven:
IT’S ALL THERE.
WHAT?
NOTHING.
THERE’S NOTHING IN ANY DATABASE
ANYWHERE ABOUT THIS MAN
THAT YOU WOULD HAVE US CALL
YOUR FUTURE FATHER IN-LAW.
THERE’S NO BIRTH RECORDS,
THERE’S NO TAX RECORDS, NOTHING.
I COULDN’T EVEN FIND ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS SO CALLED FAMILY
BUSINESS THAT THEY’RE
SUPPOSED TO BE RUNNING.
EVEN HIS DNA
IS INCONCLUSIVE.
DAD, DAD, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ALEX…
HE’S A CON MAN.
DAD, I REALLY
DON’T THINK–
LOOK AT WHAT THEY’VE
BEEN DOING TO YOUR SON,
ALL THESE DISTURBING NOTIONS
THAT HE’S BEEN HAVING.
DAD, BELIEVING IN SANTA
IS NOT DISTURBING.
ALEX, TRUST ME,
THESE PEOPLE ARE LIGHT
YEARS AWAY FROM WHO WE ARE.
I DON’T CARE DAD.
I LIKE THEM.
AND IF YOU DON’T,
WELL THEN,
THEN YOU DON’T HAVE TO
SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH US.
ALEX.
I- NO.
ALEX, THE SPENCERS
WILL NOT MARRY
INTO THAT
LUDICROUS FAMILY.
I’LL SHOW HIM,
I’LL MAKE THIS
THE MOST CHRISTMASY
CHRISTMAS EVER.
WE ARE GOING TO GO CAROLING,
SINGING TO ALL OF THE NEIGHBORS,
AND THERE WILL BE-
THERE WILL BE SNOWMEN,
A WHOLE
FAMILY OF SNOWMEN,
AND THERE WILL BE
COOKIES AND MILK FOR SANTA,
AND THERE WILL BE-

[Engine Struggling]
[Door Opens]
ALEX, HEY.
JUST THE GAL I WAS
LOOKING FOR, COME HERE.
I WANNA SHOW
YOU SOMETHING.
NOW, I KNOW THIS IS
GONNA BE HARD TO BELIEVE,
BUT JUST WAIT
UNTIL YOU SEE.
I THINK
IT’S KIND OF-

THIS IS, THIS IS
NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS.
WHAT IS IT?
UM, LINDA, SHE’S A-
SHE’S WHAT, PETER?
ALEX, I CAN EXPLAIN.
HOW, WITH LIES?
BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME
LIKE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
ARE PRETTY GOOD AT
COVERING THINGS UP.
THAT’S RIGHT, MY DAD
DID A LITTLE RESEARCH,
AND IT TURNS OUT THAT YOUR
DAD DOESN’T EVEN EXIST.
WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
I STOOD UP
FOR YOU, PETER.
I TOLD MY DAD THAT
I DIDN’T BELIEVE IN
ANY OF HIS
BACKGROUND CHECKS.
BUT IT TURNS OUT
HE WAS RIGHT.
WE ARE
LIGHT YEARS APART.

HE’S SANTA CLAUS!

MY DAD.

AND THIS IS,
THIS IS AN ELF.

I WAS ACTUALLY
HOPING THAT LINDA
WOULD GET THE
SLEIGH FIXED SO THAT–
SANTA CLAUS.
YOU’RE SERIOUS?

I’M NOT
MAKING THIS UP.
HERE, WATCH, WATCH.
ALEX, COME ON.
ALEX.
JUST LET
ME EXPLAIN.
PLEASE.

DAD, DO SOMETHING,
SOME MAGIC OR SOMETHING.
MOM, HE’S TELLING
THE TRUTH.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
YOU TOLD HIM THAT YOUR
DAD WAS SANTA CLAUS.
HE IS SANTA CLAUS, MOM.
I KNEW IT, I KNEW THERE WAS
SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
HOW COULD YOU TOY
WITH HIM LIKE THAT?
I-

ALRIGHT, I THINK
IT’S TIME YOU ALL LEFT.
TAKE YOUR LITTLE
SLEIGH WITH YOU.
MR. SPENCER.
WE’LL HAVE IT OUT
BY CHRISTMAS EVE.

EDWARD, DID YOU
TRACK THAT METEOR
THE DAY MY
IN-LAWS CAME IN?
WHAT’S THIS?
LISTEN, I KNOW IT’S
ONLY BEEN A COUPLE OF DAYS
SINCE YOU AND
PETER BROKE UP.
HOW DID YOU KNOW
ABOUT ME AND PETER?
YOUR FATHER,
HE TOLD ME.
OF COURSE HE DID.
HE SEES WHAT GOOD SENSE WE MAKE
TOGETHER, AND YOU WILL TOO.
YOU JUST HAVE TO
GIVE US A CHANCE.
I GAVE US A
CHANCE, REMEMBER?
I DON’T LOVE YOU,
EDWARD,
I DIDN’T BACK THEN,
AND I DON’T NOW.
IS THIS
ABOUT PETER?
BECAUSE IN CASE
YOU’VE FORGOTTEN,
HE’S THE ONE WHO
FOOLED AROUND ON YOU.
I TOOK
THE PICTURES.
YOU TOOK
THE PICTURES?
WELL I HADN’T
PLANNED ON WITNESSING–
GO.
DON’T YOU WANT TO
DO YOUR FATHER PROUD?
YOU’RE MAKING A HUGE
MISTAKE HERE, ALEX.
GET OUT!
BECAUSE WHEN I’M ON THE
COVER OF TIME MAGAZINE,
YOU’RE GONNA BE SORRY.

MAXWELL.

SWEETHEART.
I CAN’T HELP YOU IF
YOU’RE GONNA CONTINUE
TO HIDE BEHIND THESE
FANTASIES OF YOURS.
I KNOW
WHAT I SAW.
I KNOW, THE NAUGHTY
AND NICE BOOK,
SANTA COMING DOWN THE
CHIMNEY, THE SLEIGH.
SO YOU BELIEVE TOO?

LOOK, YOUR GRANDFATHER IS
NOT GONNA EASE UP ON THIS,
SO WHY DON’T WE
HELP EACH OTHER, HUH?
I’LL TELL HIM THAT
YOU’VE COME AROUND,
AND YOU GET ME THE RECIPE TO
GRANDMA CLAUS’S GINGER SNAPS.
DEAL?
DEAL.

MATCHA? IT’LL MAKE
YOU FEEL BETTER.
YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYTHING
NEEDS TO MAKE SENSE ALEX.
IT’S LIKE BRI GETTING
THE PART OF THE ESCORT,
IT SHOULD
HAVE BEEN MINE.
OR SLEIGH PARTS
ON YOUR ROOF.
YOU DON’T QUESTION IT,
IT JUST HAPPENS.
JUST REMEMBER KIDDO,
SOMETIMES IT IS BETTER TO FOLLOW
YOUR HEART THAN JUST YOUR HEAD.
AND YOU MIGHT WANT
TO GIVE THIS TO SANTA,
I HAVE A FEELING
HE MIGHT NEED IT.
[Whirring]
CHART METEOR
TRAJECTORY.

THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE.
IS EVERYTHING
ALRIGHT?
UMM…
YES, EVERYTHING’S FINE.
WHERE’S EDWARD?
I GAVE HIM THE REST
OF THE DAY OFF.
UM, ALEX, IT WAS NOT
MY INTENTION FOR YOU
TO SEE THOSE PHOTOGRAPHS,
MY INTENTION WAS SIMPLY
TO PROVE TO YOU
WHY YOU AND PETER WERE
NOT RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER,
NOT TO HURT YOU.
I KNOW DAD.
DAD.
IS THERE ANY TYPE OF SOLAR
SYSTEM BODY THAT COULD FOLLOW
A PATH FROM SAY THE
NORTH POLE TO MY HOUSE?
NO, THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE,
ANYTHING ENTERING FROM SPACE
WOULD DESCEND VERY FAST
OVER A SMALL AREA,
NOT TRAVEL
ACROSS OUR PLANET.

Peter:
OK, ELVES, I NEED YOU GUYS
READY IN FIVE MINUTES, OK?
REINDEERS, REINDEER,
YOU GOT YOUR NOSES?
GOOD.
NOSE.
EVERYONE.

UH, ABBY, WHERE’S ABBY?
MOM?
PETER WAS
TELLING THE TRUTH.
MAX.

MOM, I KNOW THAT YOU
ALWAYS MAKE THE DECISIONS
WHAT ARE BEST FOR US, BUT
THIS TIME YOU MADE A MISTAKE.

GOOD LUCK IN THE
PLAY SWEETIE, OK?
I’LL SEE YOU AFTER.

ABBY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN THE CHIMNEY?
THAT IS SANTA’S PLACE,
SANTA GET IN THE CHIMNEY,
– GET IN THERE.
– PETER. PETER.
HEY MAX.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
IS YOUR MOM HERE?
YEAH, EVERYONE’S HERE.
LOOK, PETER, YOU GOT TO GET
YOUR DAD TO DO THAT THING.
YOU KNOW, WITH THE CHIMNEY,
SO MY MOM WILL SEE.
I’M SORRY MAX.


HEY, UH, TWO MINUTES
TO SHOW TIME.
EVERYBODY,
YOU WANNA DO OUR CHEER?

SHHH.
ALRIGHT.
GOOD.

(Laughing)

ON…
ON THE EVE.
EVE OF CHRISTMAS,
I HEARD A CLATTER.

(Laughing)


(Crowd Cheering)


SO SO GOOD.

AH, LITTLE BUDDY,
GUESS WHAT?
AUNTY VIKI IS TAKING
YOU OUT FOR A TREAT, LET’S GO.
OH, AUNTY VIKI.
YES, AUNTY
VIKI’S GOING TO.
HE DESERVES IT AFTER
A PERFORMANCE, COME ON,
WE ALWAYS
GO OUT AFTER.




YOU WERE REALLY GREAT,
SWEETIE, VERY BELIEVABLE.
OF COURSE, YOUR PERFORMANCE
WAS OUTSTANDING, MAXWELL.
IT’S THE SUBJECT MATTER
I TAKE ISSUE WITH.
WAIT, MY HAT,
I LEFT IT BACKSTAGE.
I’LL GO GET IT,
I’LL MEET YOU
BACK AT THE CAR.
OK, LET’S GO.




MY LETTER.

OH, I KEEP EACH AND EVERY
LETTER THAT’S SENT TO ME.
I GOT YOUR
LETTERS, ALEX,
I JUST COULDN’T MAKE
YOUR WISH COME TRUE.
SEE, IF I SHOWED MYSELF
TO EVERY BOY AND GIRL
WHO WANTED TO SEE ME
ON CHRISTMAS EVE,
WELL NOT ONLY WOULD
I NOT GET MY WORK DONE,
BUT I THINK THE MAGIC
OF CHRISTMAS WOULD BE LOST.
SO…

SO YOU,
AND THE STAR,
IT’S ALL REAL?
IT’S AS REAL AS YOU
CHOOSE TO BELIEVE.

AND NOW,
IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME,
I’VE GOT A SLEIGH
TO GET OFF THE GROUND.

ALEX!
SORRY.
BEEN TRYING TO
GET IT OUT OF HERE.
I THINK
THIS MIGHT HELP.
I THINK
YOU ARE CORRECT.
LOOK AT THIS.

SO, REALLY IT DOES FLY.
YES, IT REALLY DOES.
DO YOU THINK IT CAN
TAKE US ON OUR HONEYMOON?

I AM SO SORRY THAT
I DIDN’T TELL YOU EARLIER,
I JUST- I DIDN’T
KNOW WHAT TO SAY AND THEN-
DOES THIS MEAN THAT I’M GONNA
HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BAKE?

I LOVE YOU,
MRS. CLAUS.

AND I LOVE YOU
MR. CLAUS.

THAT ALL OF A
SUDDEN SOUNDS SO…

MAGICAL.

ALEX.
ALRIGHT, WHAT, WHAT HAVE YOU
GOT UNDER THERE, JET PACKS?

MAGNETIC PROPULSION?
WE GOTTA FLY.
Steven:
YOU’RE NOT SERIOUSLY GONNA
CONTINUE WITH THIS RUSE.

Max:
COOL.

Alex:
DAD, SOMETIMES THINGS
CAN’T BE EXPLAINED,

THEY JUST NEED
TO BE BELIEVED.

BYE SANTA.

READY TO DO THIS
ONE MORE TIME?
AS ALWAYS,
MY DARLING.
HERE WE GO.
[Rockets Blasting]
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD
TELL THEM I’M RETIRING?
OH NO,
WAIT TILL EASTER.
HE HE, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HA, HA, HA, HA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

BYE SANTA.
WAVE GOOD BYE DAD.

♪ ALL THE GIFTS
A MAN COULD WANT, ♪
♪ I’VE GOT RIGHT
HERE IN MY ARMS, ♪
♪ SHE’S MY EVERY WISH,
SHE’S ALREADY HERE ♪
♪ SHE’S MAKES EVERY DAY
FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ SHE MAKES EVERY NIGHT
LIKE CHRISTMAS EVE ♪
♪ DEAR SANTA CLAUS, YOU DON’T
NEED TO BRING NO GIFTS
BECAUSE MY BABY GIVES
ME EVERYTHING I NEED ♪

♪ MY BABY GIVES ME
EVERYTHING I NEED ♪
♪ WELL DEAR SANTA, ANYTHING
I’VE EVER ASKED FOR,
YOU’VE BEEN KIND ENOUGH
TO PLACE BENEATH MY TREE ♪

♪ I’VE EVEN GOT A MODEL TRAIN, A
BRAND NEW BIKE, MY FAVORITE GAME
DIRECTED FROM THE
NORTH POLE STRAIGHT TO ME ♪

♪ BUT DEAR SANTA,
YOU WILL NOTICE IN THIS LETTER,
I’M NOT ASKING FOR A
SINGLE THING THIS YEAR ♪
♪ ALL THE GIFT
A MAN COULD WANT, ♪
♪ I’VE GOT RIGHT
HERE IN MY ARMS, ♪
♪ SHE’S MY EVERY WISH,
SHE’S ALREADY HERE ♪

♪ SHE’S MAKES EVERY DAY
FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ SHE MAKES EVERY NIGHT
LIKE CHRISTMAS EVE ♪
♪ DEAR SANTA CLAUS, YOU DON’T
NEED TO BRING NO GIFTS
BECAUSE MY BABY GIVES
ME EVERYTHING I NEED ♪

♪ MY BABY GIVES ME
EVERYTHING I NEED ♪